popo meeting today - ruby

A lot has been shared today. But I felt most strongly for Ruby's sharing.

The topic was Popo's plan for 2006. And Ruby's sharing was that she saw it purely as a goodwill program. That's the way she justifies the spend to the company and justifies the project to other parties involved, be it artists or management companies or record companies. She would want NO ONE, NO ONE at all to ever doubt this campaign, in terms of money/ return. As the company entrusts this to her and the team has been so proud of this campaign, she does not want to see anything that others may find fault about so as to contaminate the trust from the team and the "pureness" of the project. Popo needs to be a spotless, blameless, perfect (goodwill) campaign.

(Well, she might not have said the above exactly, I think it's just what God wants me to hear... anyway.)

I just felt so odd. Hearing from her, I was like looking at myself, sharing the same struggle in my own life.

This is exactly one of the key struggles I have been having on my way to put God first in my life. Yes, what Angela called "同股東交待". I didn't quite remember I have said that before, but I guess the meaning and the struggle remains the same. That there is so many things one is "supposed to do" from this world: you are supposed to be professional... you are supposed to deliver for your company... you are supposed to take good care of the company's interest...

I am not saying that those things are not correct. I think, they are still correct. God also told us to be a faithful servant.

But then, what's important is what comes FIRST? Is my job or company coming first, or is GOD coming first in my life? Then the next question is, why is it so difficult for me to let go this "being seen as professional" burden? Is it for GOD or for myself? - MYSELF of course! I still hold so dear to my heart how others see me: if Grace does a good work? if Grace is professional? if Grace is faithful and fair and do a good job for the company?...? ...? I am pleasing men instead of God. I am seeking men's approval instead of seeking God's heart.

It's such a terrible thought. When I asked myself in the past few days, if I am loving God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind, I know the answer is no. And when I asked myself what's standing in the way between me and God, and work is the first thing coming to my mind.

It's so terrible because even if I am writing all these down now, I am still struggling to put away this idea about work aside and to uphold GOD, wholeheartedly, at work or in my whole life.

And looking at Ruby in front of me, I see myself struggling. I AM STILL, struggling. Pray to my Lord to have mercy on me, because I know, I need Your grace to come Your way.

At last, two more things came into my mind during the sharing today:

1. We have talked about "各從其類" for so long. I never have any strong feeling about it, for what my role is and what roles others should be in. But today, looking at Ruby, I suddenly "get it" and see what it means about "各從其類" and how it'll look like when we are doing our roles or not doing our roles.

2. And also, this verse came to me when I was struggling with myself, listening to Ruby: "你們都當背起自己的十字架跟從我" Yes, so true. We all have our own cross to bring to follow our Jesus Christ. And today, I have seen mine as clearly as ever...