Thursday, February 10, 2011

God's Will & Career Choice

Last month, Wesley and I went into a serious discussion about the possibility of me working part time. This subject has been coming up from time to time since the birth of Yee Sum and Yee Lok. But this time, we entered into a very serious discussion about it.

To cut the story short, we have jointly decided not to make any changes as of now. What I really treasure is not the end result but the thinking process and the discussion and the discovery we had along the way.

The disagreement we had was mainly about whether it's God's will or not? I felt that it's of God's will that I spent more time with the kids. That was in line with the teaching of Bible. Wesley didn't feel that way. And he also shared some books and articles with me from some good Bible teachers of why working part time or not wasn't really related to God's will for my life.

Is Wesley right or am I right? At the end, we agreed that both of us are correct in some way.

My interpretation is this: there really is no wrong career choice in God (well that's in my case/ normal case only, of course! We are not talking about drug trafficking or killing here.). As long as I have set my mind to serve Him and to love Him with all my soul and all my heart and all my mind and to live my life that way, it really doesn't matter what kind of job I do. I can serve Him all the same, with 100% of my life if I was a teacher or doctor or cleaner or postman.

However, if one career choice meant to me more addiction to job satisfaction (instead of being satisfied in Him), more concern for status, tighter grab of money, less reliance on Him, less time for Him, and i knew it by my heart, then to me, it probably was not the choice that God would like me to make. It has to do with my heart rather than the outset of things. To someone else, the same job could be perfectly fine because they could serve God wholeheartedly in it, but for me the same job could be a selfish, worldly choice if I knew deep down in my heart I chose this job was not to glorify God but to satisfy my own wish.

Isn't written clearly in Bible?
"The lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7

Praise the Lord for us to get to know one another better, also to know Him better.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Life and death

I'm now on my way to a funeral. I guess this is the first time I attend a funeral of a person same at my age. And the first one I personally know who died of suicide.

I knew Roger since first year in secondary school. We were in different classes. Not particularly close - I had not seen her since we graduated.

That night, I got an SMS from an old school friend, asking me if I knew Roger. 'Yes, of course. Why?' I asked. Then he replied, 'she suicide yesterday.' I stared at my phone, speechless, my mind went blank. I have been thinking about her since then. Why?

My mind traveled back to secondary school time. Roger was in class B, and I in class F. The two elite classes in our school. We never went to the same class. I got to know her more because of a common friend. He called her 'Sai Lo', little brother. So we followed. That's how I got acquainted with Sai Lo.

Sai Lo was a lovely person. Always cheerful, and so kind to others. If there was any hint, might be the relationship she had with her boyfriend then? It seemed she was very devoted to him and that she took that relationship very seriously. Might be too seriously.

After graduation from secondary school, we went on different paths and we didn't really meet. But as Sai Lo became a teacher at our secondary school, I would still hear news about her.

What shocked me most, and made me feel so much for her passing away, was probably the fact that she decided to end her own life. And the picture of her mom in newspaper, looking for her daughter at the school because she didn't receive the daily call from her and couldn't find her anywhere, only to hear this shocking sad news from the headmaster and other teachers at the school.  

Why? I couldn't help ask. Why? If she loved her mom so much to ring her up every day, how could she so determined to leave her mom moaning for her death? No I couldn't understand. I could only imagine that she was at that point in life so painful and hopeless that she could no longer care for persons that she loved, but to end her own life.

Why? I asked myself again. If a cheerful lovely smart girl like Roger would end up this way, then what's the way out? What hope is left? In particular, if a loving daughter like that still left her parents with such sadness, what Chinese said 'white headed to send off the dark headed', then what hope is there for parents? How should we raise our own kids? People always say being a parent is a life long task. But who would have expected this? After that long journey of raising up the kids, sending them to school, seeing them settled down, got a job, got married - then suddenly, gone. As a mom now, I guess this is what I find most sad and shocking and difficult to accept.

Hope, the only ultimate hope in this world, is Jesus Christ. Lord You are the only hope. Only in You we can say there is always hope. Even if there is no hope in this world, You are our hope in the world to come. Only if we have You we know no matter what, we don't need to resolve to ending our own lives.

Lord, there is not much I can do for Sai Lo now. May I pray to You to give peace to her family - her husband, still, and especially her mom, but also her students. It just hurts so much for people around her to accept this. Please give them peace.

And Lord, may I pray for every single person out there, who still has not yet found You, the ultimate hope in their lives. Lord, it's so heart breaking to see people losing hope to end their lives. And then this despair got spread around to others around them. Lord, may I pray to You to send many workers out there to harvest many souls. May I pray that I become one of the many that You use and send out to bring people back to You, so they'd see You, know You, know hope, and know true life.

In Jesus's name I pray, amen.