Four of us went to church

Today, the four of us went to church together.

It's the first time I went to church in 2 months time. We were a bit late. By the time we arrived, worship was more than half way through already and we were just there for the last 3 songs.

But God was so kind to me (as always). As soon as I settled down and concentrated on the worship, I felt very touched in the spirit. Tears started streaming down my face and for the first time in many months I prayed in tongues again, to praise and worship our Lord. Those were not the very touchy or emotional worship songs. And my tears did not fall because of sadness or joy. I just felt overwhelmed in the spirit. I felt so moved to worship our Lord. I felt so close to Him in the spirit. It seemed that He just reassured me that I have been staying close to Him all along in the past few weeks though we weren't able to attend Sunday service. And once we were back, He in me, resonated in great joy.

I am just so thankful and it's so good to be back, to be able to worship our Lord.

And it's good to be back to see other brothers and sisters as well. Though we were back only briefly (we were late and we left early), we still received lots of blessings and love from brothers and sisters around us. And they were so passionate with the 2 kids and taking them away for most of the time, giving me and Wesley the opportunity to truly immerse ourselves and enjoyed the worship. Hope that we could be back 'full time' very soon.

Calling of Levi - Luke 5:27-32

Levi was a tax collector. He was seen as 'the bad guy' by his fellow countrymen as he worked for the Rome government and he made his living by collecting extra money from people.

Though knowing all this, in the past I just thought the Pharisees and teachers of the law too narrow minded and unforgiving to challenge Jesus' act to make friend and dine with such group of people.

But when I try to go deeper than that this time, I try to imagine seeing Jesus to dine with a group of people that I most abhor: persons who sexually abuse children, parents who rent out their own children to others for sex, burglars who rob and hurt elderly people... and the most important thing is that there are not yet converted, that they are not necessarily feel sorry for what they do! (I believe that among the many guests that Levi had invited, not all of them repented at the time.)

By substituting the type of people Jesus dined with, I started to see why it was so difficult for the 'establishment' to accept what Jesus did. I could see how much love it required for Jesus to dine with them, to love them, for only with much love could he see beneath their skin the beauty and godly image that was deep, deep down in their soul. For only with great love could Jesus see through the many sins that were burying and tying down and killing the goodness within them, and within us.

And when there was not enough love, I would only see what the Pharisees and the teachers did see, i.e. what I normally see every day, i.e. how disgusting these people are and what horrible things they do - not did, but still doing! It takes great love to see through all these and to see through to the persons that they can be - the persons as God has created, the persons as Jesus see, the persons that they, and we, can be.

Healing the Leprosy & Paralytic - Luke 5:12-26

Then it was the story of Jesus healing the man with leprosy. Many have pointed out before how loving an act Jesus has done, by not only healing him but in fact reaching out and touching the man. Indeed this is something we can do even today: we may have been giving out small changes to the beggar at the street corner every day, but have we ever reached out to talk to him or to give him a pat on the back? I remember reading from Mother Teresa that it's LOVE that all these people needed most. And I am guilty on this one, along the many other things.

Another thing I noted from v14 is that Jesus told the man not to tell others about his healing him. But then in v15, "Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses." It wasn't stated in Bible but it is quite obvious that the leprosy man did tell others about it; frankly, how could he not to? It's such great, great news! If it were me I would tell every body I meet, not only just those that I know! Though Jesus has told him not to tell, to give more allowance to the leprosy man, I would just imagine Jesus didn't tell him WHY he shouldn't tell and so he didn't follow Jesus' order, thinking Jesus just trying to be modest.

Next is the story of healing the paralytic, who was hoisted down from the roof by his friends. When reading this passage in the past, I just simply put on Jesus' view point: why would you the Pharisees and teachers wonder in your hearts for Jesus' authority to forgive sins? Of course he has the authority! He is Jesus the Christ!

But when I read this passage again this time, trying to put myself into their shoes, I could see their reaction was only normal and reasonable. Truly, there were only 2 alternatives: either the person saying this blasphemy, or he truly had the authority to forgive sin, i.e. having the authority of God! To them, Jesus was just 'another person' and they didn't know he was the Christ. So it made sense to them to blame Jesus for blasphemy.

I wonder if I was born at that time as a Jew, whether I would be able to accept Jesus Christ to my life. I suspect that I wouldn't. Imagine Jesus was no longer the 'figure' in Bible that has been spoken about so much and be remembered in Christmas and Easter every year. Imagine Jesus was just like a "John Chan" or "Mary Lee" growing up next door, living in another housing estate, going to the same primary and secondary school as I did. How would I, how could I, believe that he's the savior of the world? Especially with my pride and ego, there's only a slim chance I could believe that indeed he HAS the authority to forgive sin. Indeed, He is God.

I guess another very good reminder from "The Jesus I Never Knew" was that actually I am not that much different from a Pharisee. When I used to identify with Jesus when I was reading the Gospels in the past, I am now more alert on the words Jesus spoke against the Pharisees, and check myself against those deeds instead.

Calling of the First Disciples -Luke 5:1-12

There has been more than one week since my last entry of this study. On one hand it's been a busy week; on the other hand, I got stuck at the Simon Peter's story for a long time.

What has been puzzling me is Simon's reaction to Jesus, after they've got the 'catch of their lives.' He fell at Jesus' feet and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

Why? Why this reaction? Yes I can understand he would be surprised and awed and shocked. But why proclaiming his sinfulness and asking Jesus to leave him alone right away? I still can't get it.

By the way, though I don't understand why Jesus 'gave' them this full load of fish (as 'rent' of their boat for the teaching? as a mean to get Simon and his team's attention to 'recruit' them as his disciples?), I still think it's very thoughtful of him to leave this big catch to the disciples' family so they can have enough supply before working out their plan to cover for the 'lost' of the bread earners in their house.

Jesus in Galilee - Luke 4:31-44

I noted that Jesus has done 4 things when he was in Galilee.

First he taught at the synagogues. As mentioned in v43, I think it's Jesus' main mission i.e. to preach the good news of God's kingdom. Not like us, Jesus never forget what he came on earth for. He knew where he needed to go. He might slow down for awhile because he had compassion on people around him, but he has never lost sight of where he wanted to go.

But along the way, he also drove out demons. From people's reaction and amazement to Jesus' ability to order the demon to leave the possessed person, it's obvious that no other but Jesus has such authority. Sometimes we may forget that many of the things we take for granted nowadays are indeed gift from Jesus, and they were not known or unheard of before Jesus made them available to us. Calling God our Abba, Father, is one, and the other is this authority to drive out demon.

Moved by compassion, Jesus also healed many as he taught. Like the temptation posted by the devil in the wilderness, the ability to heal and drive out demons has easily attracted a large crowd for Jesus. But this is not what he came here for and it's not the way he'd save the world. He's clear about it so he moved on, refusing people's request for him to stay.

I like this line in v42, "At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place." No more details were given but it's quite clear that Jesus went out, trying to pray, to spend time with our Heavenly Father. This is so important to him and we can read about his prayer through out the Gospels. It should be as important to me as well.

When was the last time I went out to a solitary place to pray? ... I thank God. At least I can have this quiet moment to read the bible and put down my thought here. Pray that I can continue doing so even after the maternity leave.

Jesus Rejected at Nazareth - Luke 4:14-30 (Part 2)

I have been thinking about this passage again in the past few days.

Before Jesus was rejected at Nazareth, he has been teaching in other towns in Galilee, as mentioned in v14-15. And people in those other towns all sang praise of him and were impressed by his teaching. Though it was the case, we always considered his reading of the passage from the book of Isaiah in Nazareth the 'official announcement/ beginning' of his ministry. I wonder why.

And when I think again what Jesus told his old neighbors in Nazareth, about how a prophet would never be received in his home town, I think not only about the people in Nazareth at that time but Israel as a whole, when they put Jesus on the cross.

Jesus Rejected at Nazareth - Luke 4:14-30

I have been pondering on this passage for the past few days. I tried to imagine how it all took place when Jesus was in the synagogue, with His bible reading, teaching and all these conversations.

I tried to imagine a 'matter of fact' Jesus - He was not proud nor timid, not flamboyant nor tame. I can't find the right words in English but in Chinese He's probably 不卑不亢 .

I think it works up to the part of his reading the scripture. But frankly, as he continued and started talking about Elijah and Elisha, the 不卑不亢 look is really quite a bit difficult to fit in with his statement! I think his words, while true, are really quite 寸 . I can totally understand why his old neighbors got mad at him after hearing his words.

But Jesus is not supposed to be 寸 , right? I can accept that Jesus is not as tame as we were told in Sunday School. But still, he's not supposed to be 寸 . Then how should I make sense out of this passage? What Jesus is like from this passage? What a person he is as I read from this passage? Or how does this passage fit in the description of Jesus in the bible as a whole?

I have not got the answer yet. I guess I need to keep reading and come back to this point later.

The Temptation of Jesus - Luke 4:1-13

Philip Yancey has written very well on this in his book.

In the past I wasn't able to grasp the importance of these tests - what's the big deal if Jesus really turned the stones into bread or jumped from top of the temple? (Well, I was not that ignorant as to miss the 'big deal' if Jesus did worship the devil for the world!) Yancey made it clear that it's not about the action itself, but behind these tests are the temptation from the devil to offer an easy way out for Jesus' mission. By offering free food, or more broadly meeting people's physical needs, Jesus could have easily attracted lots of followers and changed the world. By jumping off the rooftop unhurt, or more broadly doing lots of miracles, Jesus could also have gathered lots of followers. Worshiping the devil was the most straight forward - the devil, the 'prince of this world', didn't mind handing the world over to Jesus, if He would just do his bidding. So mission accomplished, isn't it?

Reading this passage again, it just highlighted to me again how important we uphold our hearts in front of God. Worshiping the devil was clearly against God's command, so I won't discuss it here. But the other two, basically they were not the wrong things to do. And later on in Jesus' life, He has also done something similar (e.g. feeding the 5000 and the 4000, and escaping from the crowd from the edge of a cliff). What's important is the WHY it was done - is it for God? Or for our own purpose? We need to be so clear about ourselves, our thoughts, our intention. And this is what God asks us to do, to be clear of what's going on in our hearts and minds at all time.

I would consider myself a 'thinking person' but yet, I really can't be so honest with myself and so clear in my heart to put God first all the time. Yet as Jesus said, we need to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect. That's what God demands of us, which we can never achieve. Luckily we have God's grace to cover for what we can't do on our own.

Another interesting thing is that I don't think it was that tough for Jesus to resist the above temptations and shortcuts from the devil, at that point in time. Not that it's easy! Just that it's a much tougher call later in Gethsemane, when Jesus came face to face with death and the cross. It reminded me my own experience when I opted out from the trainee scheme from my company, understanding that was a call from my Lord. It was easy when I was asked to make that decision because I knew it was the right thing to do. It was tough at the point when I needed to make the final call, with the consequences e.g. salary cut etc. looked at me in my eyes. That's when the conflict really came and needed the strength from above to make the right choice.

John the Baptist - Luke 3

This passage was just another reminder to me of how carelessly or mindlessly I have been reading the Bible. It's like the first time I got to really see what a person John the Baptist was like.

Instead of a 'model person' with gentleness, politeness, loving gestures, kindness with people... etc. John was actually quite a character, with strong words and quite a hot temper! Actually, reading the bible carefully, I found that there was never a 'soft' version of John the Baptist ever portrayed in the bible! It was all just my impression - wrong impression!

Just a reminder to myself - that I really need to READ the bible as it is written, rather than relying on my impressions or thoughts in my mind.

The Young Jesus - Luke 2:21-52

When Jesus was 8 days old, Joseph and Mary took him to temple to present Him to God. There, they met this Simeon who has been waiting to see the Messiah. Simeon took Jesus into his arms and praised God, saying:

"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel."

What I noticed when I read this passage this time was that us the Gentiles were mentioned specifically - yes, that's indeed Jesus and God's intention for the salvation to reach not only Israel but to us all. Yet it's also a glory to God's people Israel.

I know Luke was a Gentile, too. Wonder if other gospels have this same message included in this incident, too?

What also surprised me was Joseph and Mary's reaction to Simeon's speech. In The Message, they were "speechless with surprise at these words." Why were they so surprised? Were they surprised because Simeon knew who Jesus was? Or were they surprised by what Jesus would bring to Israelite and Gentiles alike?

We are now so used to the idea of Joseph and Mary being the parents of Jesus. Sometimes I'd forget that actually they didn't know what lie ahead of them or of Jesus. And it's actually not easy to be the earthly parents of Jesus - there are no others on earth who has got the Son of God as their earthly kid! They could not even get reference or had experience sharing from other parents.

This difficulty was even more obvious in the only other incident recorded in the gospel during Jesus' early years - the trip to Jerusalem for the Passover and His staying behind. Being a parent myself, I can fully understand the frustration and hurt felt by Mary and Joseph when they found that Jesus stayed behind in the temple. But how should they react when their boy, also the Son of God, replied with "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" It was said that the parents didn't understand what Jesus meant - I guess so as before Jesus came, no one dare to call the Almighty God their 'Father'. Indeed it's through Jesus we can be so intimate with God and to be His children.

The last thing I wanna say, is that I really marvel at Mary's wisdom. Once again, she "held these things dearly, deep within herself." (The Message)

Lord, may I have this wisdom, too.

The Birth of John and the Birth of Jesus - Luke 1: 57-2:20

This is so well known. I don't think I need to repeat it here. A few things just jumped to me:

1. What a big contrast between the birth of John and the birth of Jesus! One was surrounded by friends and family, a well celebrated event, a baby boy expected by many people for a long time. The other, born in a faraway land, no close family or friends around. Expected by many for a long time also (every one was waiting for the Messiah!) but at the same time least expected among close friends and family (baby from virgin Mary). There was no celebration by close friends and family, but strangely with visits from strangers the shepherds.

Seeing all this, it was indeed a very humble entry of our almighty God into the world in Jesus. Philip Yancey said it surprised him on how humble it was. We may not be surprised nowadays to link 'humble' with Jesus. But if I put myself back to that time, only getting to know God from the Old Testament, 'humble' is as far from God as north pole from south pole.

Why must God enter the world in such a humble way? So that the weak and the poor can identify with Him easier?

2. After the visit by the shepherds, 'Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.' (Luke 2:19 NIV) To me, Mary was not only a faithful, trusting servant of God as mentioned in the last post, she was also wise and smart. You can tell from this verse. And it got me thinking - how often do I treasure up all the wonderful things that God has done for me and ponder them in my heart? Too often I'm too forgetful... guess that's why I need to write my blog more deligently, to remind myself now and later on all the wonderful things God has done for us!

'Good News' to Mary - Luke 1: 26-56

It was then Mary's turn. Again angel Gabriel was sent to her to announce the good news.

Quite a number of people have written about it already - that to Mary at that time, this 'good news' may not be that good at all! I guess being a Chinese, we can imagine that situation quite well. Both Chinese and Jewish society were very tough with things like this - a pregnant, unmarried young girl. Chinese would drown her in a 'pig cage', Jews would stone her to death.

But Mary's reply was such a trusting, obedient one. Yes she did ask how it would happen - but note that it's a different question from Zachariah's question: hers was a genuine question of how it would happen, while Zachariah's was a question of unbelief, asking for sign or proof.

May be it's because of Mary's young age? (From some other source, not sure if reliable though, I learned that Mary was actually very young when it happened - just a teenage girl, 12, 13 or 14?) That as we grow older, more and more we trust our own experience of this world, rather than trusting God in a pure and simple heart, like Mary, like children around us. I guess that's why Jesus also asks us to become like children, too.

And in the Bible it was said that Mary went to visit Elizabeth. In The Message, it was said 'Mary didn't waste a minute.' and in NIV, 'Mary got ready and hurried to...Elizabeth.' The Bible didn't mention what happened after Gabriel's visit and before Mary went to visit Elizabeth. I wonder if anything happened then, or if she really went straight to Elizabeth's. I would not be surprised if she just went, not even telling her parents or friends of the angel's visit. Who would have believed me, except for the one who also experienced a miracle just before?

From this I really see a practical, caring, and thoughtful God. Not only He loves the world and has determined to save it, He also loves Mary and took care of her at the same time. It would be so tough for Mary to bear a child unmarried! So in advance, God has already prepared Zachariah and Elizabeth so they can take care of her and stand by her. Remember, both Zachariah and Elizabeth are of old age and are righteous before God. They should be well respected in the family, with their seniority and reputation. Without their help and support, Mary's life would only get tougher.

It's only the second day I embark on this journey in getting to know Jesus better. It's great that not only I get to know Him better, but also, seeing how He and God are one...the same loving God.

Can't wait to start reading the next section...

Zachariah & Elizabeth - Luke 1: 5-25

Well, I have picked Luke to start my journey. So before I get to know Jesus again, I get to know some people related to Him first. And they are Zachariah & Elizabeth. They are His uncle and auntie. From the fact that Maria went to stay with Elizabeth for 3 months after she heard from an angel, I would say they were pretty close relatives instead of distant ones. (More can be said about this later.)

I would say Zachariah and Elizabeth's was quite a 'typical miraculous story' in the Bible - both of them were righteous before God. Even so, they didn't have any kids. And with the miracle of God, at their old age they have finally got their own kid. Sounds familiar? Yes, at least I can remember Abraham, Samuel, one of the women in Old Testabment who took care of one of the prophet (was it Elijah or Elisha?)...

But when I try to get to know Zachariah & Elizabeth real and up close this time, I have noticed something interesting.

First, it's about Zachariah. He wasn't able to speak after he heard the good news from Angel Gabriel till the birth of his son, as he didn't believe what Gabriel told him.

Zachariah's first reaction to Gabriel's appearance was 'paralyzed in fear' (The Message), which I guess, no one would blame him. But what surprised me was his reaction to the good news. In The Message, the translation is 'Do you expect me to believe this?' and in NIV, it was 'How can I be sure of this?'

Noted that the second sentence from Gabriel (after telling him not to be afraid) was that 'Your prayer has been heard.' That meant, Zachariah (and probably with Elizabeth) has been, or at least has sometime ago, prayed for a baby.

It got me thinking - did he really mean it or believe in it when he prayed for a baby? If so, why would he reacted this way i.e. not able to believe, even an angel appearing from nowhere telling him such news? Then I would think, how many times in my life I have prayed without believing that God would really do something about it? Maybe, afterall, I am not much different from Zachariah.

And it also amuse me to note that, actually, Zachariah's reaction can also be seen as asking for another sign, especially from the NIV translation. There were many people in Bible asking for signs from God, after hearing His revealation, and I do not recall any of them got 'punished' by asking for a sign. (May be I remember incorrectly, please let me know if that's the case!). I wonder if it was because for others, they heard God's revealation from other human being, e.g. a prophet, so it's sort of OK for them to ask for some 'miraculous signs'. As in Zachariah's case, the appearance of Gabriel the angel itself is already a supernatural event that should be enough to show him it really was a message from God. So any further request for proof was thus 'penalised'.

It just reminded me once again how firmly we might be got hold with on earthly belief and thought - in this case of Zachariah, it's the belief that 'old age = no children'. Even seeing the messenger from God, he still couldn't breakthrough from such thought. We just need to keep remind ourselves that our God is OMNIPOTENT, in Him, there really is NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE! Do I also fall in this trap from time to time?

When I turned to Elizabeth, the mentioning was short. But this line caught my attention, 'she went off by herself for five months' (The Message) or 'for five months, she hid herself' (Revised Standard Version).

Why did she need to, or want to hide for 5 months? My suspection was that she didn't really believe it, either - 'it's too good to be true! Can I really be pregnant? At this old age? I had better wait and see.' I guess I can really understand her concern from a pregnant woman's point of view - many women would not announce their pregnancy until the first three months have passed, that they are more sure of the safety of the pregnancy. I guess it's even more so for Elizabeth, being pregnant at her old age. The last thing she wanted would be to disappoint others, and most of all herself, by a false alarm. It would be too much to bear.

The Jesus I Never Knew

Just finished reading this book. Suffice to say it's good enough to ignite my interest and passion to read the 4 gospels again to really get to know Jesus by myself - seeing that I have not been knowing Him in person before, but really only through others' eyes, the Sunday school version, the tamed and all-loving-all-perfect-not-so-human Jesus. (I'm not saying He's not perfect, just that, He is actually a person in blood and flesh, with His own temper and character and attractiveness, which I have never really explored before.)

So hopefully I can embark on this meaningful journey in getting to know Jesus, the real Jesus, by myself in the coming weeks - though it'd be a never ending journey...

A welcomed break

This morning I went to get the birth certificate for Yee Lok. There were so many new born! I got to wait for about 2.5 hours before it was my turn for the application. So after getting my queue-up slip, I went to a near-by Starbucks.

It turned out to be the most relaxing and refreshing 2 hours in the past month or so!

Relaxing on a comfortable sofa, sucking in the aroma of coffee, enjoying a cup of Mocca, under the soft light, glancing out the sunny busy street outside, I enjoyed my time alone with Jesus at this corner of this busy coffee shop. Reading "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Philip Yancey, I felt I got to know Him like never before. Yes, too often I was blinded by the usual tamed way of seeing Christ. Yes, too often I was too lazy to face my own true self and Christ, to see what He really meant in His words and what it really meant to me, in my own life. It was a quiet, great encounter this morning, and reminded me more than ever who Christ is, and what He meant in my life.

Thank you Lord, for such an unexpected encounter and such a needed quiet time with you.

Work & Workload

(How many of my colleagues read my blog? Think it’s an ultimate test and a test of my confidence in writing this….)

For over 10 years, I’ve been hearing from Wesley all the time how he has finished all he has to do by 9:15am every day. Now with his latest job, it has all changed and work would keep him busy from the first till last minute when he’s in office, and even some occasional OT work to take home.

Interestingly, it’s the other way round for me. For the past 2 weeks I don’t have much to do. I’ve even cleared away a number of some long outstanding items that have been sitting around for months, if not for years! I really got a bit bored from all this down time. I’ve been saying that it’s not easy to work on a job that has nothing to do – it takes some special personality to do so and survive. I guess I’m just not one of them.

I guess I really enjoyed it when my boss was away for the past 5 weeks on study when I acted as her deputy. Frankly, I haven’t done much. But I really appreciate the opportunity given to me to participate and to be involved in meetings and subject items that otherwise I won’t have chance to touch. It’s such a big contrast then and now, without much happening in my own area.

I guess it’s really ‘luxurious complaint’ to be made. Any how, I’m thankful for such a stress-free position for these 2 years when I have the babies. God knows best.

Gold coin

It’s a very small gold coin, even smaller than a 10 cents. But still, I’m quite excited to receive it. It’s the 10 years service award from my company.

10-year is indeed quite a long time! That’s nearly one-third of my life so far. It didn’t feel like 10 years with the frequent job changes at the first few years. But I do treasure my time here very much. Thank you Lord. I like my job and this company indeed and thanks Jesus for putting me here.

Look forward to getting more gold coins for my 15 years, 20 years, 25 years …. of service.

(I think the only thing I’m not sure is whether my kids will change my mind, or God may tell me to try for something new for Him someday. Let’s see.)