Dear Sum Sum, Lok Lok,
Is it fair to say it's a year full of big changes? I guess that's true not only for me, but for our whole family as well: Lok Lok started in new school, papa had a new portfolio at work and faced the greatest challenge in his career so far, we moved to a new church, grand pa moved into elderly home, grand ma now comes over for dinner every night, auntie Gloria and uncle Robert and Chloe have moved out, and last but not least me in my new job position as well.
That's actually quit a lot! No wonder I myself am overwhelmed, too.
First I want to say sorry: because of the new post I got last year and also the new post I got this year, work has been much busier than before and has kept me away from you more than before, and way more than I want. Thanks for still being sticky with mamma so much, and telling me how much you miss me whenever I am away, on OT or DT. You don't know how much it meant to me to be able to hear your voice or see your face over Skype when I can't be with you. Not to mention the love and energy you bestowed on me when I did get back home.
Though work has been so tough and stressed and busy, I am really grateful for the change this year. No, it's really not that much about the promotion or money or status or benefits, though they are all good. It's really about the new challenge, horizon, scope, and responsibility at work that excites me. Most important of all, I feel I could do so much more for our Lord in this new position: that I can influence more people, that my role is increasingly about people themselves, their well being and development. It's just a natural fit with what I think I could do for our Lord at workplace! And ultimately, I know my goal is to do it so well, and so different from how others have done it in the worldly way, that people would recognize the difference and give praise to God, and ultimately wanting to get to know Jesus because they want this different, true life in them as well.
I traced back to the discussion between mamma and papa back at the beginning of the year. We had such serious debate and discussion at that time about my career path and career choice. Out of love for papa and to follow Bible's teaching to submit to husband, I stayed on as a full time working mom. And I felt that was the right thing to do, and was probably pleasing to God, too! I gladly took that on as our joint decision as the best thing to do for the whole family. I would really like to think that the promotion was God's way of telling me I have made the right decision about following Bible and submitting to papa, and now He entrusted me with more 'treasure' I.e. a bigger team at work that I could shepherd for Him.
The second biggest change is certainly our attending a new church. It was a huge decision and it took papa mamma months to ponder and pray. Detailed thoughts were captured in papa's blog posts. And behind this move was a more fundamental change which was not so obvious: I.e. our awareness and learning in reformed theology. With God's grace, I am now back on track with my hunger for God's Word and God Himself. To go to church, to read Bible, to read other books on reformed theology, to get to know Him more, day by day. And this is extremely important for papa and mamma that you two would grow up in a church that teaches correct concept and truth from Bible. And I am thankful that our Lord has led us to the right place.
I am stressed and exhausted. But at the same time I am hopeful and excited. I am eagerly looking forward to 2012, pray to God that we would all grow further in Him together: settling down at the new church, settling down at my new post, learning to pray more and for us to learn and live that 'God has the best plan for me' lesson together for Sum Sum's primary school arrangement.
Let's grow together. Would you?
Love you always,
Mamma.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
生命工程：父母經
親愛的以心，以樂：
爸爸媽媽最近報讀了中國神學研究院一個名為「生命工程：父母經」的課程，要交一份功課，反省一下我們作為父母，有何成功和失敗的地方。
我想我們第一樣做對的，是對作為父母有正確的期望與態度：我們知道成為好的父母不是必然的，或是天生就會的。所以我們抱着戰戰競競的心情，看書、上課、邊學邊做。我們想成為合神心意的好父母，所以我們上的課不是「如何提升子女競爭力」或「如何保送子女入名校」，而是「中神」的課程。正確的聖經教導與不斷的提醒是十分重要的，否則很難抵擋時下流行的種種育兒壓力。
在上這堂課之前，我們也有閱讀其他育兒書籍，其中一本就是 Sacred Parenting。所以當知道這書是這課程的指定讀物時，爸爸媽媽也不禁有點沾沾自喜：我們該算是走在正確的路上吧！而書中最重要的主題：「神給我們兒女，是其中一份最大的靈修功課，叫我們自己可以成長，成為更合乎神心意的人。」更是我們每天的體會，尤其是你們頑皮激心的時候。
在課堂中，媽媽最喜歡「家庭和作父母的神學基礎」和「牧養廿一世紀的孩子」兩堂課，因為媽媽在當中最有得着。
第一個學習，是聖約中神成全使命與恩典的角色（empowerment and grace）及人以順服與感恩作回應的典範，原來在家中可同樣展現，而且不是也不應一面倒由父母給予，卻也要讓你們有成全及施恩的機會。雖然你們現在還少，不過爸爸媽媽也留意着這方面，例如要你們幫忙做家事等，讓你們也有機會「成全」這個家。
在「牧養廿一世紀的孩子」一課，老師提到現今多元價值、講求詮釋的一套。其實爸媽對這並不陌生，因為我們也是在這後現代主義下成長過來的。不過對於要如何在這氣候下教養你們，使你們走當行的道，我們實在沒有頭緒；而老師提供了一條可能的出路，就是透過與你們分享爸媽的親身經歷。我們一直很着意讓你們了解我和爸爸的想法、價值觀，以及這一切如何影響我們的生活與生命。你們現在還少，未必聽得懂太複雜的觀念，所以爸爸和我都會將我們的想法、分享寫下來，等你們將來長大了可以仔細體會，這就是其中一篇。
另外，媽媽也很喜歡「給基督徒父母們」這篇文章。它讓媽媽反省很多爸做得不好的地方，最基本如帶你們返崇拜不遲到，或偷懶沒和你們每日讀經祈禱等。
而課堂中最重要的得着，其實沿自老師自己的分享：他的女兒們，會以為爸爸最以她們的甚麼為榮呢？又會最担心她們關於甚麼呢？聽完老師的分享，爸爸與我不禁汗顏：如果現在問你們這個問題，你們大概會回答是「吃與屙」！這兩條問題雖然簡單，對我們自我反省教養你們的目標與方向，卻是極好的提醒呢！
愛你的媽媽
爸爸媽媽最近報讀了中國神學研究院一個名為「生命工程：父母經」的課程，要交一份功課，反省一下我們作為父母，有何成功和失敗的地方。
我想我們第一樣做對的，是對作為父母有正確的期望與態度：我們知道成為好的父母不是必然的，或是天生就會的。所以我們抱着戰戰競競的心情，看書、上課、邊學邊做。我們想成為合神心意的好父母，所以我們上的課不是「如何提升子女競爭力」或「如何保送子女入名校」，而是「中神」的課程。正確的聖經教導與不斷的提醒是十分重要的，否則很難抵擋時下流行的種種育兒壓力。
在上這堂課之前，我們也有閱讀其他育兒書籍，其中一本就是 Sacred Parenting。所以當知道這書是這課程的指定讀物時，爸爸媽媽也不禁有點沾沾自喜：我們該算是走在正確的路上吧！而書中最重要的主題：「神給我們兒女，是其中一份最大的靈修功課，叫我們自己可以成長，成為更合乎神心意的人。」更是我們每天的體會，尤其是你們頑皮激心的時候。
在課堂中，媽媽最喜歡「家庭和作父母的神學基礎」和「牧養廿一世紀的孩子」兩堂課，因為媽媽在當中最有得着。
第一個學習，是聖約中神成全使命與恩典的角色（empowerment and grace）及人以順服與感恩作回應的典範，原來在家中可同樣展現，而且不是也不應一面倒由父母給予，卻也要讓你們有成全及施恩的機會。雖然你們現在還少，不過爸爸媽媽也留意着這方面，例如要你們幫忙做家事等，讓你們也有機會「成全」這個家。
在「牧養廿一世紀的孩子」一課，老師提到現今多元價值、講求詮釋的一套。其實爸媽對這並不陌生，因為我們也是在這後現代主義下成長過來的。不過對於要如何在這氣候下教養你們，使你們走當行的道，我們實在沒有頭緒；而老師提供了一條可能的出路，就是透過與你們分享爸媽的親身經歷。我們一直很着意讓你們了解我和爸爸的想法、價值觀，以及這一切如何影響我們的生活與生命。你們現在還少，未必聽得懂太複雜的觀念，所以爸爸和我都會將我們的想法、分享寫下來，等你們將來長大了可以仔細體會，這就是其中一篇。
另外，媽媽也很喜歡「給基督徒父母們」這篇文章。它讓媽媽反省很多爸做得不好的地方，最基本如帶你們返崇拜不遲到，或偷懶沒和你們每日讀經祈禱等。
而課堂中最重要的得着，其實沿自老師自己的分享：他的女兒們，會以為爸爸最以她們的甚麼為榮呢？又會最担心她們關於甚麼呢？聽完老師的分享，爸爸與我不禁汗顏：如果現在問你們這個問題，你們大概會回答是「吃與屙」！這兩條問題雖然簡單，對我們自我反省教養你們的目標與方向，卻是極好的提醒呢！
愛你的媽媽
Thursday, February 10, 2011
God's Will & Career Choice
Last month, Wesley and I went into a serious discussion about the possibility of me working part time. This subject has been coming up from time to time since the birth of Yee Sum and Yee Lok. But this time, we entered into a very serious discussion about it.
To cut the story short, we have jointly decided not to make any changes as of now. What I really treasure is not the end result but the thinking process and the discussion and the discovery we had along the way.
The disagreement we had was mainly about whether it's God's will or not? I felt that it's of God's will that I spent more time with the kids. That was in line with the teaching of Bible. Wesley didn't feel that way. And he also shared some books and articles with me from some good Bible teachers of why working part time or not wasn't really related to God's will for my life.
Is Wesley right or am I right? At the end, we agreed that both of us are correct in some way.
My interpretation is this: there really is no wrong career choice in God (well that's in my case/ normal case only, of course! We are not talking about drug trafficking or killing here.). As long as I have set my mind to serve Him and to love Him with all my soul and all my heart and all my mind and to live my life that way, it really doesn't matter what kind of job I do. I can serve Him all the same, with 100% of my life if I was a teacher or doctor or cleaner or postman.
However, if one career choice meant to me more addiction to job satisfaction (instead of being satisfied in Him), more concern for status, tighter grab of money, less reliance on Him, less time for Him, and i knew it by my heart, then to me, it probably was not the choice that God would like me to make. It has to do with my heart rather than the outset of things. To someone else, the same job could be perfectly fine because they could serve God wholeheartedly in it, but for me the same job could be a selfish, worldly choice if I knew deep down in my heart I chose this job was not to glorify God but to satisfy my own wish.
Isn't written clearly in Bible?
"The lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7
Praise the Lord for us to get to know one another better, also to know Him better.
To cut the story short, we have jointly decided not to make any changes as of now. What I really treasure is not the end result but the thinking process and the discussion and the discovery we had along the way.
The disagreement we had was mainly about whether it's God's will or not? I felt that it's of God's will that I spent more time with the kids. That was in line with the teaching of Bible. Wesley didn't feel that way. And he also shared some books and articles with me from some good Bible teachers of why working part time or not wasn't really related to God's will for my life.
Is Wesley right or am I right? At the end, we agreed that both of us are correct in some way.
My interpretation is this: there really is no wrong career choice in God (well that's in my case/ normal case only, of course! We are not talking about drug trafficking or killing here.). As long as I have set my mind to serve Him and to love Him with all my soul and all my heart and all my mind and to live my life that way, it really doesn't matter what kind of job I do. I can serve Him all the same, with 100% of my life if I was a teacher or doctor or cleaner or postman.
However, if one career choice meant to me more addiction to job satisfaction (instead of being satisfied in Him), more concern for status, tighter grab of money, less reliance on Him, less time for Him, and i knew it by my heart, then to me, it probably was not the choice that God would like me to make. It has to do with my heart rather than the outset of things. To someone else, the same job could be perfectly fine because they could serve God wholeheartedly in it, but for me the same job could be a selfish, worldly choice if I knew deep down in my heart I chose this job was not to glorify God but to satisfy my own wish.
Isn't written clearly in Bible?
"The lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7
Praise the Lord for us to get to know one another better, also to know Him better.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Life and death
I'm now on my way to a funeral. I guess this is the first time I attend a funeral of a person same at my age. And the first one I personally know who died of suicide.
I knew Roger since first year in secondary school. We were in different classes. Not particularly close - I had not seen her since we graduated.
That night, I got an SMS from an old school friend, asking me if I knew Roger. 'Yes, of course. Why?' I asked. Then he replied, 'she suicide yesterday.' I stared at my phone, speechless, my mind went blank. I have been thinking about her since then. Why?
My mind traveled back to secondary school time. Roger was in class B, and I in class F. The two elite classes in our school. We never went to the same class. I got to know her more because of a common friend. He called her 'Sai Lo', little brother. So we followed. That's how I got acquainted with Sai Lo.
Sai Lo was a lovely person. Always cheerful, and so kind to others. If there was any hint, might be the relationship she had with her boyfriend then? It seemed she was very devoted to him and that she took that relationship very seriously. Might be too seriously.
After graduation from secondary school, we went on different paths and we didn't really meet. But as Sai Lo became a teacher at our secondary school, I would still hear news about her.
What shocked me most, and made me feel so much for her passing away, was probably the fact that she decided to end her own life. And the picture of her mom in newspaper, looking for her daughter at the school because she didn't receive the daily call from her and couldn't find her anywhere, only to hear this shocking sad news from the headmaster and other teachers at the school.
Why? I couldn't help ask. Why? If she loved her mom so much to ring her up every day, how could she so determined to leave her mom moaning for her death? No I couldn't understand. I could only imagine that she was at that point in life so painful and hopeless that she could no longer care for persons that she loved, but to end her own life.
Why? I asked myself again. If a cheerful lovely smart girl like Roger would end up this way, then what's the way out? What hope is left? In particular, if a loving daughter like that still left her parents with such sadness, what Chinese said 'white headed to send off the dark headed', then what hope is there for parents? How should we raise our own kids? People always say being a parent is a life long task. But who would have expected this? After that long journey of raising up the kids, sending them to school, seeing them settled down, got a job, got married - then suddenly, gone. As a mom now, I guess this is what I find most sad and shocking and difficult to accept.
Hope, the only ultimate hope in this world, is Jesus Christ. Lord You are the only hope. Only in You we can say there is always hope. Even if there is no hope in this world, You are our hope in the world to come. Only if we have You we know no matter what, we don't need to resolve to ending our own lives.
Lord, there is not much I can do for Sai Lo now. May I pray to You to give peace to her family - her husband, still, and especially her mom, but also her students. It just hurts so much for people around her to accept this. Please give them peace.
And Lord, may I pray for every single person out there, who still has not yet found You, the ultimate hope in their lives. Lord, it's so heart breaking to see people losing hope to end their lives. And then this despair got spread around to others around them. Lord, may I pray to You to send many workers out there to harvest many souls. May I pray that I become one of the many that You use and send out to bring people back to You, so they'd see You, know You, know hope, and know true life.
In Jesus's name I pray, amen.
I knew Roger since first year in secondary school. We were in different classes. Not particularly close - I had not seen her since we graduated.
That night, I got an SMS from an old school friend, asking me if I knew Roger. 'Yes, of course. Why?' I asked. Then he replied, 'she suicide yesterday.' I stared at my phone, speechless, my mind went blank. I have been thinking about her since then. Why?
My mind traveled back to secondary school time. Roger was in class B, and I in class F. The two elite classes in our school. We never went to the same class. I got to know her more because of a common friend. He called her 'Sai Lo', little brother. So we followed. That's how I got acquainted with Sai Lo.
Sai Lo was a lovely person. Always cheerful, and so kind to others. If there was any hint, might be the relationship she had with her boyfriend then? It seemed she was very devoted to him and that she took that relationship very seriously. Might be too seriously.
After graduation from secondary school, we went on different paths and we didn't really meet. But as Sai Lo became a teacher at our secondary school, I would still hear news about her.
What shocked me most, and made me feel so much for her passing away, was probably the fact that she decided to end her own life. And the picture of her mom in newspaper, looking for her daughter at the school because she didn't receive the daily call from her and couldn't find her anywhere, only to hear this shocking sad news from the headmaster and other teachers at the school.
Why? I couldn't help ask. Why? If she loved her mom so much to ring her up every day, how could she so determined to leave her mom moaning for her death? No I couldn't understand. I could only imagine that she was at that point in life so painful and hopeless that she could no longer care for persons that she loved, but to end her own life.
Why? I asked myself again. If a cheerful lovely smart girl like Roger would end up this way, then what's the way out? What hope is left? In particular, if a loving daughter like that still left her parents with such sadness, what Chinese said 'white headed to send off the dark headed', then what hope is there for parents? How should we raise our own kids? People always say being a parent is a life long task. But who would have expected this? After that long journey of raising up the kids, sending them to school, seeing them settled down, got a job, got married - then suddenly, gone. As a mom now, I guess this is what I find most sad and shocking and difficult to accept.
Hope, the only ultimate hope in this world, is Jesus Christ. Lord You are the only hope. Only in You we can say there is always hope. Even if there is no hope in this world, You are our hope in the world to come. Only if we have You we know no matter what, we don't need to resolve to ending our own lives.
Lord, there is not much I can do for Sai Lo now. May I pray to You to give peace to her family - her husband, still, and especially her mom, but also her students. It just hurts so much for people around her to accept this. Please give them peace.
And Lord, may I pray for every single person out there, who still has not yet found You, the ultimate hope in their lives. Lord, it's so heart breaking to see people losing hope to end their lives. And then this despair got spread around to others around them. Lord, may I pray to You to send many workers out there to harvest many souls. May I pray that I become one of the many that You use and send out to bring people back to You, so they'd see You, know You, know hope, and know true life.
In Jesus's name I pray, amen.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 - a brief review and my new year resolution
Things I am most happy about:
- traveled with parents to Japan
- traveled with Wesley and the kids to Rotorua
- the last two weeks of the year in holiday with the kids. Finally Lok Lok would ask for Mami rather than Auntie!
- those months when Wesley and I could stick with our dating plan
Things I am not too proud of:
- my spiritual life, my daily devotion, bible reading, or quiet time
- how I might have missed a part time opportunity
Other things worth remembering:
- I like those Swire training courses that I attended. They helped me in different ways.
- I like those courses Wesley and I attended about social justice. I hope we can continue the changes we have decided to make (eg not to eat beef) but to do even more down the road as well.
- I felt devastated when we found that Lok Lok experienced the same issue as Sum Sum. We must have done something wrong, and that we must do the right thing going forward to help them get well.
- Job change at Marketing.
Things to do in 2011:
Spiritually, with Wesley)
- resume our daily bible reading and to follow the same reading plan
- share our thought and reflection weekly
- download and listen to the sermon each week
Family
- resume the monthly time alone with Wesley
- travel with my parents once again in 2011?
- traveled with parents to Japan
- traveled with Wesley and the kids to Rotorua
- the last two weeks of the year in holiday with the kids. Finally Lok Lok would ask for Mami rather than Auntie!
- those months when Wesley and I could stick with our dating plan
Things I am not too proud of:
- my spiritual life, my daily devotion, bible reading, or quiet time
- how I might have missed a part time opportunity
Other things worth remembering:
- I like those Swire training courses that I attended. They helped me in different ways.
- I like those courses Wesley and I attended about social justice. I hope we can continue the changes we have decided to make (eg not to eat beef) but to do even more down the road as well.
- I felt devastated when we found that Lok Lok experienced the same issue as Sum Sum. We must have done something wrong, and that we must do the right thing going forward to help them get well.
- Job change at Marketing.
Things to do in 2011:
Spiritually, with Wesley)
- resume our daily bible reading and to follow the same reading plan
- share our thought and reflection weekly
- download and listen to the sermon each week
Family
- resume the monthly time alone with Wesley
- travel with my parents once again in 2011?
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