Work

Recently I have started to wake up before the alarm clock again. It's a sign of stress which I had known before. I know where it is coming from.

At end of 2005, when I looked back the year, I found that I had not done my best at work. It was true both for first half of the year when I was still in IFE (but probably my heart has already left early), and the second half of the year when I started my new role in MKT.

Looking back, I can see how my work attitude swung like a pandulum. Originally, especially when I was still young, I was quite aggressive and very devoted to work and demand very highly of myself and spent a lot of time to work and quite nervous and very concerned if others would consider me capable or not. Then when I once again accepted Jesus in my life, I thought that only serving God was the most important thing and the fact that I could not link my work directly with His plan made me feel uneasy. I felt much more at ease when I was working on some projects which were with some clear linkage to His work.

And from that point on I started to get slipped on work. No longer with high pressure. And I didn't expect that much from myself any more. It's most obvious in terms of working hours. But also in some less obvious areas, I also tried, intentionally or unintentionally, to stay away from work.

And it was so very, very wrong.

Praise the Lord, for letting me to see it so clearly now that it was not pleasing to His heart and it was not He intended for me. It was not right to not deliver my best at work. To work wholeheartedly is to serve my Lord wholeheartedly. Such obvious a teaching but I had actually missed it, in terms of working it out in the past 2+ years.

And I so deeply regret and repent for it. I know consequences would still come, because our Lord is a rightous God. But I also know that God has already forgiven me and though it may still be tough, He will be right there by my side. So that I can learn, and grow in Him.

And one of the "new things" in this year, I keep reminding myself. I will do my work wholeheartedly because I am doing it FOR GOD. And I am able to do it, only because I am doing it WITH GOD.

And with God there, things can be so different. In the past I always couldn't help thinking I was wasting my life to devote so much time at work: what for? For money? status? promotion? Such earthly things and so superficial to work for. But now it's all different. Now, I can pour out my heart and soul and emotion to work out the best and feeling fulfilled, because I know it's not this company or any body or my own benefits or any earthly matters that I am working on. I am working for God. And I'm only working to please His heart.

Yet having said the above, I'm still adjusting. The pendulum is swinging back now, slightly. But it's still stressful to find the right balance point. And I'm also just learning, still learning, how to WORK WITH GOD. I know that once I get there, I'll no longer be stressed again because I know HE'll accomplish things according to His plan. But now, before that, am still struggling to pray or to sleep when wake up early...

But I'm grateful, most grateful. Thank you Lord, for teaching me. Thank you Lord, for equiping me. Thank you Lord, to bring me closer to the example Jesus has set before us. Thank you Lord. Yes whatever comes into our ways, when we see that it comes from you and to embrace it wholeheartedly and rejoice in it fully, wonderful things should happen.

Thank you Lord.