Stuck

I have not felt so stuck for a long long time.

This time, it’s really bad. It has gone on for quite a while already (2 weeks? 3 weeks?) and it has been particularly bad this week. It is bad because I can’t even feel the love from God.

Yes His love is there in my mind. But I can’t feel it in my heart. I know it’s there and He’s there, I just can’t feel it, no matter how hard I try.

Feel so totally tied up. Like being tied up into a big bundle by rolls and rolls of ropes. Like a big rice dumpling for Tuen Ng Festival. And it would definitely sink to the bottom if you throw it into the water.

The most difficult thing is, it is not that I don’t know there is something wrong. It is not that I don’t recognize the fact that something needs to be done. It is not that I don’t wanna go back to God or to experience the wonder and love from Him once again. It is difficult because I really DO wanna go back to Him. I miss Him badly. I miss the joy and love and the total completeness in Him terribly. It’s just that I can’t find my way back. I feel like a lost child couldn’t find her way home.

You know what would help? I think I desperately need some quiet time in Him. I need some good, long, focus, quiet, solitude time in Him and with Him in prayer. I don’t know what I’ll get out of it. But I certainly know I’ll go no where if I don’t go to Him first.

Lord, you said that if we look for you genuinely you’ll be found. Lord, you said that if we open the door when you knock, you’ll be with us. Lord, please help me to find the way to you again, and help me to locate the door knob.