Work

Recently I have started to wake up before the alarm clock again. It's a sign of stress which I had known before. I know where it is coming from.

At end of 2005, when I looked back the year, I found that I had not done my best at work. It was true both for first half of the year when I was still in IFE (but probably my heart has already left early), and the second half of the year when I started my new role in MKT.

Looking back, I can see how my work attitude swung like a pandulum. Originally, especially when I was still young, I was quite aggressive and very devoted to work and demand very highly of myself and spent a lot of time to work and quite nervous and very concerned if others would consider me capable or not. Then when I once again accepted Jesus in my life, I thought that only serving God was the most important thing and the fact that I could not link my work directly with His plan made me feel uneasy. I felt much more at ease when I was working on some projects which were with some clear linkage to His work.

And from that point on I started to get slipped on work. No longer with high pressure. And I didn't expect that much from myself any more. It's most obvious in terms of working hours. But also in some less obvious areas, I also tried, intentionally or unintentionally, to stay away from work.

And it was so very, very wrong.

Praise the Lord, for letting me to see it so clearly now that it was not pleasing to His heart and it was not He intended for me. It was not right to not deliver my best at work. To work wholeheartedly is to serve my Lord wholeheartedly. Such obvious a teaching but I had actually missed it, in terms of working it out in the past 2+ years.

And I so deeply regret and repent for it. I know consequences would still come, because our Lord is a rightous God. But I also know that God has already forgiven me and though it may still be tough, He will be right there by my side. So that I can learn, and grow in Him.

And one of the "new things" in this year, I keep reminding myself. I will do my work wholeheartedly because I am doing it FOR GOD. And I am able to do it, only because I am doing it WITH GOD.

And with God there, things can be so different. In the past I always couldn't help thinking I was wasting my life to devote so much time at work: what for? For money? status? promotion? Such earthly things and so superficial to work for. But now it's all different. Now, I can pour out my heart and soul and emotion to work out the best and feeling fulfilled, because I know it's not this company or any body or my own benefits or any earthly matters that I am working on. I am working for God. And I'm only working to please His heart.

Yet having said the above, I'm still adjusting. The pendulum is swinging back now, slightly. But it's still stressful to find the right balance point. And I'm also just learning, still learning, how to WORK WITH GOD. I know that once I get there, I'll no longer be stressed again because I know HE'll accomplish things according to His plan. But now, before that, am still struggling to pray or to sleep when wake up early...

But I'm grateful, most grateful. Thank you Lord, for teaching me. Thank you Lord, for equiping me. Thank you Lord, to bring me closer to the example Jesus has set before us. Thank you Lord. Yes whatever comes into our ways, when we see that it comes from you and to embrace it wholeheartedly and rejoice in it fully, wonderful things should happen.

Thank you Lord.

CCF Retreat

Today, a total of 15 of us from Cathay Christian Fellowship went for a retreat together to seek God's heart before we set forth the 2006 plan.

We all really treasured it. And God is so wonderful! He has been with us whole day and really blessed the different sessions. And I can feel that His heart is really pleased when we really set aside this time to seek Him and Him alone. Oh it's so great! And we had such great sharing on each of us, so we got to know each other much better, also.

Priase our Lord! I know He'll do great things in CX and CCF this year!

And we really look forward to the next retreat - probably not next year, but once every half a year! Pray that God will appreciate it and bring us together before Him again!

Good reminders

Talked to gela over phone again when I was on my way home today. It's so great to have brothers and sisters to walk in His way, together. She shared with me two things, which are both very important and I think very good reminders from God to me.

1. Rugby
The first thing is on Rugby. We talked about a bit on what to do with it.

The point that I'm stuck is that I don't know what exactly God's plan/ purpose/ message thru this event. Earthly objectives I know what to write about - but an MPP with "top down" objectives? I'm stuck and lost.

But then gela reminded me that the objectives shoudl be the same! The same objectives as in my personal MPP, or her personal MPP, or for any functions... the "top down" ones have always been the same. It's just the way of execution, be it the strategy or program contents or whatever, that may vary case by case...

It seems to me to be a very important point. But I could only recap it as above now. And I still need some more time to really understand and get thru to it. Lord, please help...

But no worry. I know, God will teach me and lead me. Either by Himself directly or thru brothers and sisters, like gela just did. Thank you Lord. I know your grace is enough for our use.

2. Stumbling Block

The second sharing is even more important!

I was talking to another colleague about promotion issue. And I have been quite stuck on it. Mostly, I saw what issues SHE HAS. And so "wonderfully", again finding excuses and taking my responsibility and my own fault much more lightly.

Sigh! Haven't I read this verse a thousand times? "為什麼只見弟兄眼中的刺, 而不見自己眼中的樑木呢?"

Basically when I said sorry to her for what I have done wrong, I can still feel that I didn't say it really feeling sorry or wanna change. I was just "saying it" but didn't really feel it. So v bad.

And gela has a v good sharing with a prayer, to always, always ask Holy Spirit to show me if I have done anything which may put stumbling block into people's way, so it's more difficult for them to get close to God.

It may not be about doing things right or wrong. It may not be about being nice or not to others. But then, we do need to be clear and on alert if anything we do may make it more difficult for others to get closer to God. We need to be on alert and only Holy Spirit can fully and truly enlighten us on that.

And this is the prayer I make tonight, my Lord. And this is the prayer I need to make, always. Lord, let me be sensitive to my own sin. Let me not focus on others on fault-finding but always ask for your light to shine on me first, so I can see for myself how and what I have done. My Lord, for the things I have done and not-done right in 2005, I now come to you with a repenting heart. A truly repenting heart to wish that they've never took place. A true remorse that to hope that it has never happened. My Lord, there is only one way to relieve this sense of guilt and to right the wrong, that's in YOU. Lord, because I can no longer do anything about it. But I know you can, my Lord. Please guide my steps, enlighten me, and never forsake me - I know you won't! And once again you said, "憂傷痛悔的心 主必不輕看". My Lord, I'd still fall and fail from time to time, but I really wanna walk in your way. Even if I fall, pls guide my steps so I'll still be on the right way, on your path. Lord, I may still stumble, but pls hold my hand and guide me in your way. Lord, and especially for those stumbling block that I have unintentionally left in others' way to you, Lord, please help, please help remove them from their lives. Please not let my failure become others' roadblocks to you. Lord, and please give me faith and wisdom, to know that in me it's impossible to accomplish anything, but in you anything can be accomplished. Lord, in you, I trust.

Thanks for hearing my prayer. In name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

New Year Prayer

Dear my Lord,

Lord, please help me. Please help me to turn to a new page. With the start of a new year, my Lord, let me BE who you want me to be. Let me BE the person you have created me to be.

Lord, please guide me in my heart. Please guide me to find the passion you have put in my heart, in my life. Let me get lost in serving you, Lord. Let me open myself up and to team up with you, always, in every thing I do and every minute I work.

Lord, in the beginning of this new year, let me put forth to you this computer, this desk, this office. Let me announce that you are King of the Kings and Lord of the Lords in this place. You are Almighty God. You are behind all things, including the marketplace, including this company. Lord, let it be the altar that I serve you. Lord, let my work place be my altar for you. Let me sanctify myself and my heart so I will live a life here that’s worthy to be my life sacrifice to you.
Lord, and I pray to you for wisdom. Not only with the renewed joy and faith and commitment, but Lord, I also ask for added wisdom from you. Especially for the meeting later on today with my team. Lord, I believe it is your will that we should do what we do, “according to our own kind.” And I believe I haven’t done so in 2005.

Lord, please guide me and give me wisdom to start this new year right. Lord, only in you the wrong can be corrected and put into right. Lord, please help me on this too.

Lord, I put this in you and I should worry about it no more.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer, as always.

Happy New Year to you, too.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Lengthen cords, Strengthen stakes

Lengthen your cords
Strengthen your stakes
(Isaiah 54:2)

放 長 繩 子
堅 固 橛 子
(以 賽 亞 書 54:2)

This is what Pastor Mok shared with us as the vision for our church this year.

I immediately feel for it: it'll be true not only for our church, but also for my own life, our family, at work, at CCF... etc. Think I'd need to re-write my MPP then...

New Year Gift from my Lord

My Lord gave me this great gift during our worship today. I have started to feel the change some days ago. But today, I am quite sure about it. That in the new year, God has given me a "new heart" and "times up" for the drought period. So with this new heart I can feel His presence and His love again. And that this is a new year, and there are many new things to be done in Him.

It's a wonderful feeling and it's interesting to be "back". Now I can feel the sweetness being with our Lord again, but it's different now. With the drought period of the past half a year, now that I treasure such moment with our Lord even more. Past was just pure "sweet sweet". Now, it seems that some "depth" was added into it. Like dark chocolate, with a tiny bit of bitter taste, only addingand enhancing the sweetness.

Thank you Lord. For such a wonderful gift to start the new year. And yes, I know this year will be a NEW one, with many new things. Praise our Lord.