Dad

Tonight Wesley has meeting again so I went back to my parents' home to have dinner.

Got a chance to chit chat with my sister and brother-in-law after dinner. We don't usually have opportunity to talk too much when their little girl is around. Tonight she is not feeling well so my Mom took her upstairs earlier than usual. And my Dad was not at home tonight as he has some friends visiting from China.

Thank you Lord to give us a chance to talk. Though I must say, the chat has left a heavy load in my heart.

They told me how Dad has been coughing quite badly recently. But more importantly, how he was reluctant to go for check up or let them take a closer examination of him. Because they know, and he knows, too, the main reason for it is smoking. He already knew how smoking has been damaging his lungs since he went for X-ray few years back, when he had another bad cough then. He also tried to quit then, for a month? And then he picked it up again. Frankly these I have known for a long time. What I didn't know before and what scared me most was that, they told me Dad has mentioned suicide not long ago - that if his health took a really bad turn, he'd prefer to take his own life away.

This really scares me. I have never, ever, thought that Dad would have such thought in his mind. It's just very scary to hear it from your own parent, even if only indirectly. And from what I understood from Tak & Robert, he has mentioned it at least twice in different occasions. So he was not "drunk" or just talking non-sense but this thought really is in his mind.

I must say, after hearing this, I am more worried about his heart and spirit more than for his lungs. Oh, how tightly he was bound by smoking. How tightly he was bound by the worldly things. We all agreed, it's not that Dad didn't know about Jesus. He just doesn't want to give up what he likes (the earthly things) to choose God's way. His heart is hard.

Oh Lord, oh Lord. I pray to you to have mercy on my Dad. I know nothing we can do to change his mind. The only thing we can do is to pray for him, to pray that your Holy Spirit will continue to work in him and soften his heart. So that one day, soon, not too late, he would come to his senses and accept you into his heart and his life. So that not only he can find freedom (not to smoke) and health in you, but most importantly he can find YOU, the true saviour the true life. Lord, may I pray and pray and pray for my Dad. Please have mercy on him. Lord, unto your hands his life I trust. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

I really love my Dad.

Characteristics of God's Workers

This is another book I have been reading recently, as part of the homework assignment of the "Daniel Course" that I am now attending.

This book was written by 倪柝聲 quite a long time ago. I have heard of him for a long time but I never found the interest to pick up his books - for very earthly reasons as they don't look very attractive, with very old style of page layout, etc. And thus I always felt that the books might be great for the "past generations" but for us, we probably need something more "contemporary".

And, how WRONG I was!

As soon as I started reading, I knew God was speaking to me, and many of us who really want to serve him, thru Brother Ngai and his book. I have only finished half of it but the following chapters have touched my heart particularly:

1. Listen to Others
This is the first pre-requisite Brother Ngai listed in his book, for an effective worker for our Lord. I have always known this but for its importance and even technique to be so clearly spelled out, it's the first time for me to reflect so again.

2. Preparedness to suffer
I like this chapter so much that I immediately shared with Wesley as soon as I finished. Yes we all need to prepare to suffer for our Lord - it doesn't mean we WILL then suffer, or that if we are suffering in real life then we must have this preparedness to suffer for our Lord. It's a matter of our hearts.

3. 「攻克己身，叫身服我」/ I beat my body and make it my slave
How feverishly we need to beat our bodies and make them our slaves!! How often I have given in to my body. I find it particularly challenging during this period, when I am pregnant, on how to take care of myself while not indulging my body. It's actually a matter of self-discipline, which I certainly need more.

4. Proactive, not lazy
I think many others would never think that I am lazy. But our Lord has a higher standard! And only He knows sometime I would be lazy too. And it's such good reminder from the book and good teaching, for how I should and can stay out of laziness and be proactive in our Lord, to be a useful worker for Him.

5. Finding others lovely
This is the chapter I least wanna write about - I guess it's because I find it really difficult to do! To be genuinely interested in others, and finding them lovely. And it's what I lack...

What I pray to my Lord is that it's not just a book that I read, but really to take it all in to my heart and my life, and in Him I'm gradually changed to be more like Jesus so I can be a worker pleasing to God.

Love in Action - "The Brothers Karamazov"

I think every friend who know my husband Wesley or have read his blog would have heard about Fyodor Dostoyevsky, this Russian writer, and his book "The Brothers Karamazov". This book means a lot to Wesley's and has influenced him greatly.

Since I got to know Wesley 10+ years ago he started to invite me to read this book. It never happened as I never found the interest to pick up this 700+ pages novel, with tiny words filling up each page.

Our Lord has set time for every thing. I don't know why but before I went to my Melbourne trip this time, I was suddenly interested in this book and packed it to my luggage.

And once I got started, I am really attracted to it - I know this book has profound impact on how Wesley sees faith and God and religion, but I have not expected that actually the whole book IS indeed about God our Lord!

So far I have only read 100+ pages, but it's such a good read. It's a really good book. And below is one paragraph which I find particularly insightful, in Chapter 4 of Book 2. I'd call it "Love in Action":

(A lady of Little Faith) “I suffer …from lack of faith.”

(A Father, an elder in Church) “Lack of faith in God?”

...

(Lady) “... You see, I shut my eyes and ask myself if every one has faith, where did it come from? ... How, how is one to prove it? ... How can I prove it? How can I convince myself? ...”

(Father) “No doubt. But there’s no proving it, though you can be convinced of it.”

(Lady) “How?”

(Father) "By the experience of active love. Strive to love your neighbour actively and indefatigably. In as far as you advance in love you will grow surer of the reality of God and of the immortality of your soul. If you attain to perfect self-forgetfulness in the love of your neighbour, then you will believe without doubt, and no doubt can possibly enter your soul. This has been tried. This is certain.”

Will certainly go on reading.

Trip to Melbourne with parents

Just finished a 1 week holiday in Melbourne with my parents. So happy! I have longed for such a holiday for a long, long time. Since the birth of my niece 3 years ago, my parents' travel interest has understandably dropped significantly. Until this time, I worked very hard to persuade them to make this trip - probably my last long trip before my own baby is born.

I really enjoyed this week very much. In fact, I enjoy it very much every time when traveling with my parents since I have grown up. It's not just for being 孝順 but I really do have fun spending time with them. And there's always a special feeling when it's just me alone traveling with them - feel like I'm the only child! In the past I wanted to have such a trip with them every year. Seeing the change of circumstances, I would be v happy if we can make such a trip once every 2 years. May be next time with Wesley also, or even with Tak's family, too!

My dad is always a funny person, and he's still naughty at 62 yo - you can tell by the picture how he jumped up and down of the road side pillars next to the Great Ocean Road arch! Mom is not as naughty - but the chemistry between her and dad is so amazing. It's so fun to look at them to tease each other for "oyster allocation" at meal, or how or who are to pack the luggage. They are just so much fun to be with.









We've spent about a week in and around Melbourne this time - the city, Penguin Parade, Dandenong, Yarra Valley, Great Ocean Road... actually I've been to most places when visiting Melbourne with Wesley few years ago. But it's not the places that I'm going after this time - it's the sweet and relaxing time I gotta travel with my parents that I've been looking forward to. And I'm most happy to see the satisfied smiles on my parents face. I love to see them relax and enjoy - the scenery, the food, the ride, the relaxing time away from home.

And I'm so thankful to Jesus for making it such a special trip! First thing is about mom - she's so "hardworking" she read bible every day during the trip! I really thank and praise our Lord for the seriousness she took in making the decision to accept Jesus Christ into her life. As for father, I was also glad he agreed to join mom and I at church service on Sunday, right before we flied out of Melbourne. And through out the trip he has made many remarks on how he saw God has led his way and our way - from which motel to stay to all the key turning points during his youth. Yes, God indeed loves him so much! And the fact that we gotta pray together before every meal is also an encouragement to me - that Jesus is with us still, even when we are far and away from home.

One night I remember particularly clearly - we stayed at Apollo Bay along the Great Ocean Road that night. It had already started raining that evening. But in the middle of the night, it started raining very heavily and the sound of the wind and rain was pretty scary. I was awaken from sleep. Hearing the sound of the waves from afar and the wind and rain blowing ahead, I was a bit worried - though we have rented a 4WD this time it still felt unsafe to drive in such weather tomorrow, along the coast line! And it's so funny as I was reminded about this part in bible where the disciples were crossing the sea with Jesus, and it was also a very stormy weather. They were very frightened so they woke up Jesus and told him that they were about to die from the storm. I remember how I used to sneeze at them: how little faith and stupid they are! Why would they still feel feared as they're already with Jesus? But this night I felt differently. I felt this fear from bottom of my heart - the fear of the wholesome power of nature, or our Lord, demonstrated by nature, the the wind and rain and storm and wave around me. Suddenly I felt that I could feel the fear in the disciples' hearts. Then I prayed to the Lord, not only for better weather the day after, but also peace in my heart, and also confess the pride I had before.

And our Lord is so faithful! The next day we got a very fine weather to continue our journey on Great Ocean Road.

Prayer Partner

Gela shared exactly the same thought that I had in her post!

Jesus is so wonderful! He has done such similar things in our lives!

I really need to confess and repent for that "laziness" to start our prayer partner life, though God has reminded me for a few times. But it's so wonderful once we got started! What can I say?! We human being are just so stupid that though God has prepared great gift for us all along, we just keep delaying in claiming or receiving that great gift from Him! It's true for Christians or non-Christians alike. We really need to tackle our own fleshy mind and laziness better!

Just need to pray to God that we'll keep it up. Such blessings! Thanks Lord!