popo: sometime it's hard...

(as posted in popo hompy)

I could still hold out my tears when I was leaving office. But as I shared what I went through that day with my popo family, I could not stop the tears dropping.

Actually, nothing too dramatic, it was just everyday life to many people -

My boss told me not to proceed with a project previously. He shared the reasonale behind. I totally supported his decision and I thought it was good learning for me too as I have not considered those points before. But then, another team presented a different but similar project this day. Disregarding the concerns and rationale also apply in this situation, my boss approved their plan.

That's it.

I wasn't mad at him. I wasn't even angry with him.

I just felt a bit hurt.

Because I have always treated him as more than just "boss" but also have tried to popo him all along, so the bit of "hurt" was felt stronger than from a usual "boss".

And unless I can get "recovered" in this hurt feeling, I can't really popo him again.

Then 抱抱管家 said: "車! 即係你無放低自己囉!"

I guess, she's right... sometime, popo other, even a person you like, it can still be hard...

popo: sometime it's easy...

(as posted in popo hompy)

This day I attended a meeting with my counterpart (the same person from my previous post), and we needed to take a ride together.

For more than a few minutes, I stood there saying nothing. There was literally a battle going on in me:

"Go talk to her la..."

"I don't really feel like talking to her."

"Why? Don't you always just talk to others - nearly just any one?"

"Well, it's different here...what am I supposed to say?"

"Why does it bother you now? Don't you wanna get to know other people, as who they really are? Why not the same with her?"

"I..."

"Didn't you say you wanna try popo her? How can you popo her without even starting a conversation?"

So there and then, I made up my mind and finally went up to her. Really it was silly thing that we talked about - clothes, hair styles, work, what to do over the weekend... frankly, these were not subjects that I am even remotely interested in!

But then, though the subject matters were boring, amazingly, I could feel some changes in me! Some changes in my heart. I started to really take interest in getting to know her as a person. From a very indifferent and cold and shut-up heart towards her, now that I am much more ready to talk to her or to joke with her. And to me at least, we get along so much better now than before.

Hard as it may be to popo someone we don't like, it can also be easy, sometimes.

It all depends: which side do you listen to? What choice will you make?

popo: Battle on.

(as posted in popo hompy)

It has been so long since my last post! The popo wave at the Chinese New Year Parade was so strong that it seemed to sweep us all. Yet a lot has taken place since then - after all, public holiday was only up to "Nin Cho Sam" and office and work has started again for some weeks already!

I think the happiest thing for me is to have a new colleague joining the department - a fresh graduate, just joining the company, as the big boss's assistant. Of course he's sweet and just like most new joiners, eager to learn and eager to help out. But the sweetest thing is that in him I can so frequently see popo spirit at work!

Well, he himself is lovely, of course. But I think the main reason for him to bring out so much popo spirit from people around him is exactly because he's just new to the department. I don't know for others but for myself, it's much easier to popo a new person, a person with less "love hate complex" or "history" with me, and a less experienced person so I can always play "big sister" and "teach him something".

It's such a contrast when I look at myself when facing another colleague. She is my counterpart in a different team. I have never thought that I particularly hate her or dislike her. I just thought that our characters were not particularly alike and that we didn't get along particularly well.

But then this one day, it's like I suddenly saw myself clearly the first time: that actually I had always been having grudges against her and I had never, ever, tried or thought about popo her. And it was for such a small thing as she mentioned something to my boss previously, instead of talking to me directly...

I was so shocked that day. When I was thinking I have been doing pretty good and popo others, I suddenly discovered the truth that actually, I didn't do half as good as I thought I was...

But I remain hopeful. The fight was more difficult when one doesn't know what kind of situation one was fighting with. At least, I know it now and can start over again and choosing to popo her, once more.

It's a war to truly live out the popo spirit, every day, and we need to win battle by battle. Let's battle on.

popo hompy and prayer meeting and passion searching

1.popo hompy

Went to Vision on Monday night. Sui shared with us the new version of his story, his latest creative drive, and his invitation to us for the popo hompy. When he was still talking, I've already got this identity in my heart: “抱抱上班族” (hug hug people at work).

Then when sui sent me the password yesterday, he wrote “you find your role, and what you should do, and write about. can start at anytime.” Then I asked myself: have I really found my role? And what I should do?

2. Sui's another email

And there was another email from sui, thanking ah shun and ah lun and others for the job well done on the “rebranded” popo hompy. And sui said: “ 能夠做自己熱愛的事情，是從衪神來的獨特恩典。” (can do what one LOVES to do, is a special grace from God.)

Then I think to myself, what do I really love to do? Really, enjoy doing it so much that I'd forget myself in it?

3. Prayer meeting tonight

Helen invited me to share at the prayer meeting tonight. The topic was “work place ministry”. When I was preparing what to share about, this incident during AAPA came back to me: how Michelle asked me once and again, what made me so happy, even with so much work and pressure to deal with. And how the Holy Spirit inspired me to answer: because Jesus in my life.

4. passion at work, passion for work

I thought of this incident. And I also thought of the other incidents: during rehearsal for the “Top of the City” performance, during on-site decoration or problem-solving for the HKIR or AAPA, or some of the good time at IFE... at some of those moments, although I was really really busy and was buried in work and need to work for long hours, instead of feeling exhausted or dry up, I actually felt great and felt that God was with me and I truly enjoyed those periods.

I still can't fully comprehend it, but somehow, I start to see how work, even in the commercial world, can be my act and my sacrifice and my service to God, as long as this is what He has called me to do. While on one hand the work itself can be seen as totally not related to His work, but at the same time, the work itself CAN BE all HIS work. When I'm truly into it, I then forget myself and really feel His presence, working with Him, or Him working thru me. When I'm truly into it, even people around me can see the difference. Yes, His light & His joy would be able to shine thru me, when I am truly working in Him.

Just that, these are still just some of the rare moments. Am still finding the way and the key and need to pray that I can remain there, always. Lord, please grant me this blessing to work and live in your presence, always!

Popo Theatre at BU - 2: from the crowd

I was very touched when I was there for the Popo Theatre tonight. As usual, I used up all the tissues I brought along. I am particularly touched whenever I think about that these are all their real stories. Happy ones, sad ones... these are all stories from their hearts and from their lives. Popo stories that they truly wanna share. I believe many audience have taken that away with them as well.

Just that I heard this line from a girl in the crowd tonight, towards the end of the theatre: "Not this again...!" On stage, another popo artist was sharing his popo story about himself and his family. Yes, "this" again indeed, as so many popo artists share their own stories about their family.

I see it very differently from her. If she was not coming with the expectation to "watch a show". If she came with a heart to "put down oneself, and give others a popo", may be, she'd have seen it differently, too.

Wish her a popo heart.

Popo Theatre at BU - 1: Poster in Toilet

Has anyone visited the toilet in the artists briefing room tonight? I did. And I saw this small poster on a stand in the toilet.

Isn't it amazing?

popo meeting today - other area struggle, too

And our sharing went on.

At one point sui was talking to Helen, extending this "同股東交待" idea to individual / family life. Isn't it the same? There are a lot obligation we see totally reasonable. And sometimes, they become the cross in our life, too.

It reminded me of this brief encounter of this unnamed man and Jesus. Jesus asked him to follow himself. Then the man said," please let me go back and bury my father first."

It's a totally justified cause to me - that's my father! Didn't he deserve a proper furneral or burying?

But that was not Jesus's answer. He simply told him to let the death bury the death, and for him to follow Jesus.

I don't know what's the "proper" bible teaching for this bit. Just that, once again, I see how the "right" thing on earth may be our burden to uphold God in the FIRST position in our life.

Using Augustine's definition, "evil" is not a "thing". It's simply the ACT to choose something less good. When one chooses "less good" over "more good", evil is thus born.

popo meeting today - ruby

A lot has been shared today. But I felt most strongly for Ruby's sharing.

The topic was Popo's plan for 2006. And Ruby's sharing was that she saw it purely as a goodwill program. That's the way she justifies the spend to the company and justifies the project to other parties involved, be it artists or management companies or record companies. She would want NO ONE, NO ONE at all to ever doubt this campaign, in terms of money/ return. As the company entrusts this to her and the team has been so proud of this campaign, she does not want to see anything that others may find fault about so as to contaminate the trust from the team and the "pureness" of the project. Popo needs to be a spotless, blameless, perfect (goodwill) campaign.

(Well, she might not have said the above exactly, I think it's just what God wants me to hear... anyway.)

I just felt so odd. Hearing from her, I was like looking at myself, sharing the same struggle in my own life.

This is exactly one of the key struggles I have been having on my way to put God first in my life. Yes, what Angela called "同股東交待". I didn't quite remember I have said that before, but I guess the meaning and the struggle remains the same. That there is so many things one is "supposed to do" from this world: you are supposed to be professional... you are supposed to deliver for your company... you are supposed to take good care of the company's interest...

I am not saying that those things are not correct. I think, they are still correct. God also told us to be a faithful servant.

But then, what's important is what comes FIRST? Is my job or company coming first, or is GOD coming first in my life? Then the next question is, why is it so difficult for me to let go this "being seen as professional" burden? Is it for GOD or for myself? - MYSELF of course! I still hold so dear to my heart how others see me: if Grace does a good work? if Grace is professional? if Grace is faithful and fair and do a good job for the company?...? ...? I am pleasing men instead of God. I am seeking men's approval instead of seeking God's heart.

It's such a terrible thought. When I asked myself in the past few days, if I am loving God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind, I know the answer is no. And when I asked myself what's standing in the way between me and God, and work is the first thing coming to my mind.

It's so terrible because even if I am writing all these down now, I am still struggling to put away this idea about work aside and to uphold GOD, wholeheartedly, at work or in my whole life.

And looking at Ruby in front of me, I see myself struggling. I AM STILL, struggling. Pray to my Lord to have mercy on me, because I know, I need Your grace to come Your way.

At last, two more things came into my mind during the sharing today:

1. We have talked about "各從其類" for so long. I never have any strong feeling about it, for what my role is and what roles others should be in. But today, looking at Ruby, I suddenly "get it" and see what it means about "各從其類" and how it'll look like when we are doing our roles or not doing our roles.

2. And also, this verse came to me when I was struggling with myself, listening to Ruby: "你們都當背起自己的十字架跟從我" Yes, so true. We all have our own cross to bring to follow our Jesus Christ. And today, I have seen mine as clearly as ever...

popo meeting today - go, no go?

I had a bit of struggle when sui first asked me to join the meeting today. After all, there is no longer a biz relationship here for me to join this meeting. And that it happened on a Tuesday afternoon a week before a major event that I am responsible for, with lots or things still in the middle of the air, I must say I was more than a bit concerned.

But when I got his call and saw his email, this feeling once again came to my heart. I know full well that the "earthly" me didn't really want to leave my work to go, but then, the "spiritual me" told me to go. I know, God has been here in this project even before Day 1 - He is the one who orchestra it! And for me to experience Him, I need to get to where He is at work and get close to Him.

So I went.

And He has got so much thing for me today. (It's like that, every single time. If I'd just obey Him and follow His instruction, He'd give me things beyond my expectation. Just that, still, I'm really a stubbon animal as I still find it difficult to obey my Lord all the time. And sometime, I really couldn't...)