感謝主 - 60周年晚會

我覺得好需要寫這個blog, 頌讚主, 記下主的恩典.

上星期五, 我公司舉行了一個十分盛大的晚會, 慶祝公司成立 60 周年. 這是我的 project - 是今年最大的, 也是我工作以來所負責的最大形的一個 project.

一面準備這個 project 的時候, 都好喜樂, 雖然工作真的很繁重, 有時工作時間也很長, 睡得很少, 不過, 心裡卻依然好歡喜, 也不怎麼疲倦, 也不怎麼緊張, 心裡十二分的清楚, 這不是我的能力, 也不是我 EQ 特別高, 或 energy level 特別高, 而是來自主的恩典, 同在, 與保守. (話說回來, 也不是每天都如此 "狀態大勇", 也有乏力與緊張失眠的時候 -- 那時就要 Wesley 與 Angela 多多為我禱告了.)

你問我我也不明白, 但心中就是有個意念 -- 神要在這個 project 中得榮耀. HOW? I don't know. 究竟神怎樣在一個商業機構的 party 裡得榮耀呢? 怎麼有關係呢? 我真的不知道. 但這個意念就是在心中. 我就不斷捉著這個意念禱告. 自己心中也清楚明白, 自己的努力工作, 與以前十分不同: 為的不再是 prove 自己的能力, 也不是為 impress 老板, 也不是熱愛公司到這麼不眠不休的地步, 而是盡心盡力服侍主. 不知是誰說的話: to live in God is to live your life to the fullest. 這幾個月, 心中很經歷得到主在工作中的同在. 真的很感恩.

一面做這個 project 時, 因為有來自神的平安與喜樂, 所以常常都 "笑得出", 我相信這也是見證主的方法之一, 就好像神當年在亞水身上所作的, 吸引我去尋求祂一樣. 當 "有人問(我) 心中盼望的緣由"，我就"常作準備，以溫柔、敬畏的心回答各人" , "心裡尊主基督為聖" ( 1Pe 3:15) 。感謝主, 讓我有機會將榮耀歸給祂, 也藉機向別人介紹主耶穌.

這個 party, 是在一個半 outdoor 的場地舉行: 下雨當然不行, 但太熱, 或太大風也不可以. 之前我老板笑說, 他從來都好好運, 搞 function 時都會好天. 但接近 party 那數天, 他也有點緊張, 我告訴他我會繼續為此禱告, 他說, "well, that should help, too." 而我則很清楚, 是神回應我們的禱告, 我也感謝主, 叫我在祂眼前蒙恩. after all, 天氣又豈是人能掌握的呢?

最後想說的是, 真的很感恩, 多謝主賜我們一間好好的 supplier, 好好的團隊, 當中成就的一切, 都是來自主的.

結果, 這個 party 十分成功, 當別人讚 "搞得好" 時, 我真的很由衷地覺得我沒有做甚麼, 願榮耀都歸給主.

(p.s. 我打中文真的很慢, 這篇東西我打了差不多兩句鐘.)

Post-Agape Conference 2006 & Sui's sharing

Last week Wesley and I and many others went to Kaohsiung of Taiwan to join the Agape Conference 2006. Praise our Lord for some good healing, some key messages, some important take-aways - but I'm not going to talk about them here. What I wanna talk about is what happened after the conference, after we got back, in the past few days.

In the past few days, I have experienced a new level of craving for our Lord that I have never experienced before. Always, always, I wanna stay in the presence of our Lord. It seems just never enough for the short period of time which I can concentrate on Him each morning. In my mind I know the work I do is for Him and is His ministry - but still, I would rather just look up to my Lord, and just sit there and focus on Him.

I have never experienced this before. I guess, there is something to do with the Agape Conference, for I was immersed in His presence totally in those few days. And how I missed such good time! So now I just wanna be back with Him, still.

Apart from the fact that I am hungry for His love and presence, I have also prayed to our Lord for me to experience Him even more, more of Himself, more of His anointing.

I still remember how I picked the first workshop to go to during the Agape Conference - I had that craving in my heart even then, for more of our Lord. So finally I went to join Pastor Suen's session on "Being Filled by Holy Spirit". I know I'm not looking for the external physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit, but I really, really want more of our Lord, want to experience Him more, that can come with physical response though.

And I want more of His anointing, too. Yes I want more of His anointing. I wanna experience Him more. I wanna receive His power so I can also do more for Him. And I wanna please Him. And by so doing I know I gonna love Him even more, and experience His love even more.

And so I dream on. And deep down from my heart, I know I wanna do great things for Him. Big things. It's always in my heart to do more for Him. More.

I'm always conscious that it should not be the physical manifestation that we are going after, nor it should be the ministry or work that we do for our Lord that should give us satisfaction. But even with this consciousness, somehow, this urge is in my heart so that one day, may be, I can be used by our Lord to influence many. Like one of these many speakers that we heard from during the conference.

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During the conference, one of the key message for me, personally, is the message about breaking down the wall between two generations. As Wesley shared in his blog, we can't hide away from it any longer. We can't pretend that we have nothing to do with it any more.

I have never thought about it, but as Wesley shared in his blog, even my growing up was a lonely journey. Quite an orphan journey. I have never thought this way before as you know, I have very loving parents and I also grow up with quite some good friends. I have never thought that spiritually, really, I have never truly experienced that connection between 2 generations. It may be the reason why unconsciously, even since I was still young, I would like to play with people older than myself but have never been enthusiastic about making friends with people younger than myself - I don't know how to communicate with them. I don't wanna learn about the different culture in their generation. Basically I'm not that interested in their world. And didn't feel the need that I should be.

But now, after this conference, I know though I don't feel like it, God has spoken to me and that I need to do something about it. What? I don't know yet. But I do know that I need to take this message back and to start with, to share with the group of kids in Vision first.

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I shared this "youth" message with sui when we went to class together just this Monday. He said he was moved, by the message that how God has chosen this young generation (people under 30) .

As I got on the bus I received this SMS from sui:

I believe wes & u will join Culture V someday. May HIS will be done!

I was speechless when I got his SMS, and I didn't know how to respond. So I did not respond at all.

Actually it's not the first time sui "hinted" on this, just that this time he shared this message more directly.

Why did I not respond - simple, because I don't wanna say yes, but dare not say no.

I think there're a few things to it - how I didn't feel like to do youth work as mentioned above. But also, though consciously I dare not touch on this but I think it does affect me, is the financial insecurity if to join Culture V. And of course, also the question of what I'm to do there and that I have not heard about it directly from the Lord yet.

But this is the first time, the first time I seriously start thinking about it - thinking about why I have been avoiding this thought previously. Praise our Lord. I know He is continuing His good work in my life and continue renewing me.

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And sui called me again today for some other stuff. Then I mentioned about the SMS and why I didn't reply. Sui didn't push further but rather shared another message:

No I won't push you two on it. God has His timing. I just wanna tell you - when you look at those speakers, they're so great on stage, doing great things for God. You don't need to admire them - because things like that are already happening around you! Once Wesley and you 'jump in' and get started you would have even greater things to share.

I was shocked. I knew immediately, God was speaking to me.

Isn't it the prayer I have been making to God in the past few days? That I wanna do great things for Him? That how I admired the other speakers, for their lives are so used by our Lord. That how I wanna be like them and be immersed in our Lord all the time and just to do His work. Oh how I miss our Lord.

And now, tonight, I think it's a promise and a revelation from the Lord to us. US. Wesley and I.

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I still don't know what it's like going forward. I still don't know exactly how I can turn my heart to the young generation so I can help path the way for them or prepare for them to do God's work. I also don't know if Wesley and I will join Culture V some time. All of these are still unknown.

I just know that, I want more and more and more Jesus in my life. NOW. Before I get enough of Him to know where He wants me to go or do, I'll continue to look - to look for HIM, directly.

Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.

A revisit to Queen Mary Hospital

Today, Wes' dad needs to be admited to QMH again for a body check. He needs to stay overnight in the hospital tonight and the "check" will involve a minor operation, involving a tube travelling thru his blood vessel from his thigh up to his head.

This is the first time I go to QMH again, since wes' dad was transferred from it to MacLehose for rehabitation training. Just 3 more weeks it would be exactly one year from the day dad was hit by the stroke.

I don't know how to say but, you can imagine, strange emotion rises up in my heart as I started driving into the visitor carpark in QMH. As the car turns up and up and up to reach the right parking level, memory of those days just came back to me so vividly. And it seemed so long ago.

Dad is admitted to ward A7 - the same level dad was in about a year ago. There were also a few familiar faces of the doctors and nurses. Actually most of them cannot recognize dad, as he looks so smart and so different now! But they do remember him by his name and remember mom. And they are really kind to come up to say kind words to mom and dad.

It's really best described by 百感交雜 i.e. a hundred different types of emotions mixed together. And I felt even stronger about this when I went up to the ward standing by dad's bed.

I can't take my eyes off this:



You may not be able to see it clearly: it's the chart for recording the patient's temperature, reaction, blood pressure... etc. For so many weeks we have been staring at this same chart, hoping the line indicating dad's reaction would go up. And now! See! All of them are in the top box. Once again I can't help praying to our Lord, thanking and praising him for the wonder He has done.

I will go pick up dad again tomorrow. May God bless him tonight as it's the first night he stays away from mom since his discharge from MacLehose. Also bless mom with a good night of sleep.

Fire of God and the work of the Holy Spirit

This past Sunday, Sharon gave a sermon on the "Fire of God", followed by ministering.

Her sermon really touched my heart. Towards the end of her sermon I have already been crying out to the Lord in my heart: Lord, I want your fire too! Lord, I want MORE of your fire, too!

Holy Spirit really touched me that day, and once again I cried those "heart felt" cry. But sort of, I was still feeling missing something. I guess I was looking for something more "dramatic" (what a wrong expectation to have from the first place!). So I was a bit disappointed when I left, though I was absolutely sure that Holy Spirit has indeed worked in my heart.

The miraculous thing though, happened after I've left!

I don't really know how to describe. But that whole afternoon, I had this special feeling that Holy Spirit was with me, and was working on me. Whenever I closed my eyes, quiet down, and focus on Him, I felt like I was laid down comfortably. While I was laying there, the Holy Spirit was working on me. I felt like being changed by Him: a very "physical" type of change as if replacing different body parts of me, one by one. And I felt like just relaxing and lying passively there, as God was doing the work. It sort of like going to salon for facial or shampoo or body massage: others are doing the work, I'm just lying there.

I really enjoyed that fellowship time with God. Doing nothing, really, not praying from a long prayer list or repeating a particular bible verses. But simply, enjoying His presence and the time together.

And I think, this is the important thing Jesus wants me to learn. As shared in the previous post, Sharon has actually shared this message to me last week! Even before I cried out to our Lord after her sermon this week! That I should only want Him! That Jesus Himself, instead of any work or service that I wanna do for Him, should be the focus or want in my life.

And Jesus, thanks so much, as you have not only put this important teaching into my mind and soul, but also let me experience this truth in my own life, in my spirit.

Praise our Lord!

p.s. I didn't write it down until now because earlier on, I felt that I couldn't write anything down! I was still too immersed in the presence of the Holy Spirit, enjoying it, and felt that if I speak too much or too soon, my mind will get too strong and too active that would take away the sensitivity in my spiritual self. Well, for I know it well that my SQ is relatively low, I treasure this experience very much and don't want it go so soon!

Important message from God

It has been over 2 months since my last blog! But this message from my Lord is so important that I must write it down, least I forget in future.

Today, Pastor Chan and his team from Agape Centre came to our church. Apart from the very good teaching from him, we were given a chance to be ministered by this very anointed team.

2 persons came pray for me.

The first one was a gentleman. So bad I don't really remember what he said (actually I couldn't hear him clearly, as it was quite loud). But I do remember he asked God to give me power so I can serve Him, and to serve Him better.

The second one I believe is Sharon, i.e. Jack Young's wife. I remember how stupid I felt when I couldn't quite understand her Mandarin when she was praying for me. I knew she was asking me questions but I didn't know what she said or how I should answer! For one question, finally, I did know what she said, "What do you want?" "What do you want from our Lord?"

I didn't really have a clear answer in my mind, then. A few thoughts came to my mind: baby? the anointing of Holy Spirit? anointing for evangelism? healing? miracles?...?...? Sounds like a long list but they just flew through my mind very quickly.

Then I heard she said, "You just want Jesus Christ. The only thing/ one you want in your life is Jesus. And He wants you, too, every inch of you, inside and out..." "Just remember this, Jesus loves YOU. You must not forget how Jesus loves you."

And what she said reach so deeply into my heart!

Oh Lord! It's so true! Truly what I really need and really want, is you.

I felt it such a great gift from our Lord. And so much love from Him, loving so much to have these messages for me. I just cried my "spiritual cry" - the tears were coming out from such deep deep part in my heart and my soul, that I felt like I am crying myself out.

It's a key key key message for me. And I always know I have a tendency to become "Martha" instead of "Mary", i.e. too busy serving Lord, but forget the most important thing i.e. my Lord Himself. And Jesus loves me so much that He doesn't want me to miss out on this biggest blessing in my life, i.e. HIMSELF.

So I must write this very message down, least I forget.