星期六的早上,深水埗的街頭。下了巴士,我向通州街公園走去。
這個早上,陽光是那樣和煦,空氣是那麼清新,而我在香港的這一角,感覺是如此陌生,彷彿到了外地旅行一般。街邊一間又一間的小店,各有各的面貌,各有各的特色;與平時在商場中千篇一律的連鎖店,大異其趣。漸漸行近深水埗的玉器市場,遠遠望去,見到一個又一個的「帳幕」,在旁邊的空地更有一排排的膠樽、報紙,正忠誠地為主人排隊,好讓他們領取到今個星期的免費派發物資。
今天,有十多位同事既出錢又出力地,參與慈善毛衣的捐贈活動。L plus H 綿德社利為我們聯絡上「同心圓」這個服務深水埗基層人士的慈善團體,今天帶我們去探訪露宿橋底的無家者以及住在「劏房」的基層人士。
我沒有特別選擇,純粹因為人數分配的關係,我跟了探訪無家者的一組。我們探訪的,是一群滯留在香港的越南船民,因為各種原因,他們沒有移居到外國,到今天仍然住在香港。我的第一個印象,是他們把地方打掃得很乾淨。還沒走近他們的住處,由遠處已經看見一位無家者拿着掃把在路邊掃了又掃。他們的住處可以以一塵不染來形容。
同工先帶我們去與被探訪的群體打個招呼,然後帶我們到深水埗的良心小店買麵包作早餐,與無家者一同分享。到我們回來時,勇哥和他的朋友們已經為我們籌措了很多小椅子,也已煲好了熱水,沖了茶,等候我們的來臨。就這樣,勇哥陪我們喝喝茶,吃吃包,與我們閒話家常,就好像我們到朋友家拜年一樣。
過程就是這樣了。其實很平平無奇。我們也沒有談過甚麼驚天動地,感人肺腑的事。但當中的震撼,到今天還是讓我熱淚盈眶。
我想,最打動我的,是感受到深刻的愛。不,不是我對這班無家者的愛,而是主耶穌對他們的愛,是主耶穌透過這些年年月月在這兒服侍的同工所流露的愛,甚至是來自無家者他們的愛。主的愛,深深的打動我。
這個微寒的星期六早上,我也很深刻的感受到,主耶穌就在深水埗的這個天橋底與我們相遇了。到今天,勇哥的微笑仍清楚在我眼前。
「當人子在他榮耀裏、同著眾天使降臨的時候,要坐在他榮耀的寶座上。 萬民都要聚集在他面前。他要把他們分別出來,好像牧羊的分別綿羊山羊一般, 把綿羊安置在右邊,山羊在左邊。 於是王要向那右邊的說:『你們這蒙我父賜福的,可來承受那創世以來為你們所預備的國; 因為我餓了,你們給我吃,渴了,你們給我喝;我作客旅,你們留我住; 我赤身露體,你們給我穿;我病了,你們看顧我;我在監裏,你們來看我。』 義人就回答說:『主啊,我們甚麼時候見你餓了,給你吃,渴了,給你喝? 甚麼時候見你作客旅,留你住,或是赤身露體,給你穿? 又甚麼時候見你病了,或是在監裏,來看你呢?』 王要回答說:『我實在告訴你們,這些事你們既做在我這弟兄中一個最小的身上,就是做在我身上了。』 王又要向那左邊的說:『你們這被咒詛的人,離開我!進入那為魔鬼和他的使者所預備的永火裏去! 因為我餓了,你們不給我吃,渴了,你們不給我喝; 我作客旅,你們不留我住;我赤身露體,你們不給我穿;我病了,我在監裏,你們不來看顧我。』 他們也要回答說:『主啊,我們甚麼時候見你餓了,或渴了,或作客旅,或赤身露體,或病了,或在監裏,不伺候你呢?』 王要回答說:『我實在告訴你們,這些事你們既不做在我這 弟兄 中一個最小的身上,就是不做在我身上了。』 這些人要往永刑裏去;那些義人要往永生裏去。」 (馬太福音 25:31-46 )
一直以來,我都有點怕讀這一段經文。我怕去面對,我怕去發現,原來自己不是前者,而是後者,要被丟在永刑裏。不過到這天我才發現,原來主耶穌講這番話,並不是要恐嚇我們,而是要給我們機會,面對面的見衪,領受祂的祝福。我發現,我才是這次探訪中最被祝福的一個。每一次,每一次,當我以為我去為主付出,去為主作工的時候,結果卻是一次又一次在過程中領受上主的祝福。實在,主在聖經中告訴我們應當行的一切,不是為了要我們守規則,不是因為我們不做,主的計劃就不能成事。實情是,主的每一個吩咐都是衪對我們的邀請,邀請我們以行動回應祂,好讓祂透過我們的行動祝福我們自己。今次也是一樣。
探訪後,我們到了明哥的餐廳午膳。不不不,明哥行出來的時候並沒有光環在他頭上,他不是明星級社企老闆,沒有長春藤大學學位。他只是一位很平實的,上了年紀,卻是老而不衰的食肆老闆。他並不能言善道,但他的一字一句卻充滿著那樣的熱情與承擔,為那些不幸的,不得溫飽的,實實在在地提供一餐又一餐能醫肚的愛。
明哥是基督徒嗎?我不知道。不過近日讀 Timothy Keller 的這本書 (Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God's Work) 說得好,神除了給我們救贖的愛(就是相信主耶穌才能得救贖),祂也給我們普世恩惠,就是common grace, 就是每個人,不論信與不信都享受到的神的供應,譬如陽光與空氣。不論明哥信與不信,我在當中見到的,都是神的作為,神的恩典,神透過明哥的手給有需要的人的 common grace 。
很久沒有想這麼多。我想,如果我每天只是返工放工,忙出忙入,相夫教子,甚至準時上教會,每日讀聖經,如果我只是做這些,卻沒有走出去以行動回應神,我其實還是不會認識衪的。
再一次多謝 L plus H 搞這個慈善毛衣的活動,多謝「同心圓」的同工長期的事奉這班有需要的人。多謝 Joanna Daniel 偉延 尚義 亞安 Cindy 的安排,多謝一班國泰同事既出錢又出力的熱心。短短的半天,卻給我上了人生重要的一課。
grace's spiritual journal
Jesus said,
"Do not let your hearts be worried. Believe in God. Believe also in me."
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Thursday, February 10, 2011
God's Will & Career Choice
Last month, Wesley and I went into a serious discussion about the possibility of me working part time. This subject has been coming up from time to time since the birth of Yee Sum and Yee Lok. But this time, we entered into a very serious discussion about it.
To cut the story short, we have jointly decided not to make any changes as of now. What I really treasure is not the end result but the thinking process and the discussion and the discovery we had along the way.
The disagreement we had was mainly about whether it's God's will or not? I felt that it's of God's will that I spent more time with the kids. That was in line with the teaching of Bible. Wesley didn't feel that way. And he also shared some books and articles with me from some good Bible teachers of why working part time or not wasn't really related to God's will for my life.
Is Wesley right or am I right? At the end, we agreed that both of us are correct in some way.
My interpretation is this: there really is no wrong career choice in God (well that's in my case/ normal case only, of course! We are not talking about drug trafficking or killing here.). As long as I have set my mind to serve Him and to love Him with all my soul and all my heart and all my mind and to live my life that way, it really doesn't matter what kind of job I do. I can serve Him all the same, with 100% of my life if I was a teacher or doctor or cleaner or postman.
However, if one career choice meant to me more addiction to job satisfaction (instead of being satisfied in Him), more concern for status, tighter grab of money, less reliance on Him, less time for Him, and i knew it by my heart, then to me, it probably was not the choice that God would like me to make. It has to do with my heart rather than the outset of things. To someone else, the same job could be perfectly fine because they could serve God wholeheartedly in it, but for me the same job could be a selfish, worldly choice if I knew deep down in my heart I chose this job was not to glorify God but to satisfy my own wish.
Isn't written clearly in Bible?
"The lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7
Praise the Lord for us to get to know one another better, also to know Him better.
To cut the story short, we have jointly decided not to make any changes as of now. What I really treasure is not the end result but the thinking process and the discussion and the discovery we had along the way.
The disagreement we had was mainly about whether it's God's will or not? I felt that it's of God's will that I spent more time with the kids. That was in line with the teaching of Bible. Wesley didn't feel that way. And he also shared some books and articles with me from some good Bible teachers of why working part time or not wasn't really related to God's will for my life.
Is Wesley right or am I right? At the end, we agreed that both of us are correct in some way.
My interpretation is this: there really is no wrong career choice in God (well that's in my case/ normal case only, of course! We are not talking about drug trafficking or killing here.). As long as I have set my mind to serve Him and to love Him with all my soul and all my heart and all my mind and to live my life that way, it really doesn't matter what kind of job I do. I can serve Him all the same, with 100% of my life if I was a teacher or doctor or cleaner or postman.
However, if one career choice meant to me more addiction to job satisfaction (instead of being satisfied in Him), more concern for status, tighter grab of money, less reliance on Him, less time for Him, and i knew it by my heart, then to me, it probably was not the choice that God would like me to make. It has to do with my heart rather than the outset of things. To someone else, the same job could be perfectly fine because they could serve God wholeheartedly in it, but for me the same job could be a selfish, worldly choice if I knew deep down in my heart I chose this job was not to glorify God but to satisfy my own wish.
Isn't written clearly in Bible?
"The lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7
Praise the Lord for us to get to know one another better, also to know Him better.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Life and death
I'm now on my way to a funeral. I guess this is the first time I attend a funeral of a person same at my age. And the first one I personally know who died of suicide.
I knew Roger since first year in secondary school. We were in different classes. Not particularly close - I had not seen her since we graduated.
That night, I got an SMS from an old school friend, asking me if I knew Roger. 'Yes, of course. Why?' I asked. Then he replied, 'she suicide yesterday.' I stared at my phone, speechless, my mind went blank. I have been thinking about her since then. Why?
My mind traveled back to secondary school time. Roger was in class B, and I in class F. The two elite classes in our school. We never went to the same class. I got to know her more because of a common friend. He called her 'Sai Lo', little brother. So we followed. That's how I got acquainted with Sai Lo.
Sai Lo was a lovely person. Always cheerful, and so kind to others. If there was any hint, might be the relationship she had with her boyfriend then? It seemed she was very devoted to him and that she took that relationship very seriously. Might be too seriously.
After graduation from secondary school, we went on different paths and we didn't really meet. But as Sai Lo became a teacher at our secondary school, I would still hear news about her.
What shocked me most, and made me feel so much for her passing away, was probably the fact that she decided to end her own life. And the picture of her mom in newspaper, looking for her daughter at the school because she didn't receive the daily call from her and couldn't find her anywhere, only to hear this shocking sad news from the headmaster and other teachers at the school.
Why? I couldn't help ask. Why? If she loved her mom so much to ring her up every day, how could she so determined to leave her mom moaning for her death? No I couldn't understand. I could only imagine that she was at that point in life so painful and hopeless that she could no longer care for persons that she loved, but to end her own life.
Why? I asked myself again. If a cheerful lovely smart girl like Roger would end up this way, then what's the way out? What hope is left? In particular, if a loving daughter like that still left her parents with such sadness, what Chinese said 'white headed to send off the dark headed', then what hope is there for parents? How should we raise our own kids? People always say being a parent is a life long task. But who would have expected this? After that long journey of raising up the kids, sending them to school, seeing them settled down, got a job, got married - then suddenly, gone. As a mom now, I guess this is what I find most sad and shocking and difficult to accept.
Hope, the only ultimate hope in this world, is Jesus Christ. Lord You are the only hope. Only in You we can say there is always hope. Even if there is no hope in this world, You are our hope in the world to come. Only if we have You we know no matter what, we don't need to resolve to ending our own lives.
Lord, there is not much I can do for Sai Lo now. May I pray to You to give peace to her family - her husband, still, and especially her mom, but also her students. It just hurts so much for people around her to accept this. Please give them peace.
And Lord, may I pray for every single person out there, who still has not yet found You, the ultimate hope in their lives. Lord, it's so heart breaking to see people losing hope to end their lives. And then this despair got spread around to others around them. Lord, may I pray to You to send many workers out there to harvest many souls. May I pray that I become one of the many that You use and send out to bring people back to You, so they'd see You, know You, know hope, and know true life.
In Jesus's name I pray, amen.
I knew Roger since first year in secondary school. We were in different classes. Not particularly close - I had not seen her since we graduated.
That night, I got an SMS from an old school friend, asking me if I knew Roger. 'Yes, of course. Why?' I asked. Then he replied, 'she suicide yesterday.' I stared at my phone, speechless, my mind went blank. I have been thinking about her since then. Why?
My mind traveled back to secondary school time. Roger was in class B, and I in class F. The two elite classes in our school. We never went to the same class. I got to know her more because of a common friend. He called her 'Sai Lo', little brother. So we followed. That's how I got acquainted with Sai Lo.
Sai Lo was a lovely person. Always cheerful, and so kind to others. If there was any hint, might be the relationship she had with her boyfriend then? It seemed she was very devoted to him and that she took that relationship very seriously. Might be too seriously.
After graduation from secondary school, we went on different paths and we didn't really meet. But as Sai Lo became a teacher at our secondary school, I would still hear news about her.
What shocked me most, and made me feel so much for her passing away, was probably the fact that she decided to end her own life. And the picture of her mom in newspaper, looking for her daughter at the school because she didn't receive the daily call from her and couldn't find her anywhere, only to hear this shocking sad news from the headmaster and other teachers at the school.
Why? I couldn't help ask. Why? If she loved her mom so much to ring her up every day, how could she so determined to leave her mom moaning for her death? No I couldn't understand. I could only imagine that she was at that point in life so painful and hopeless that she could no longer care for persons that she loved, but to end her own life.
Why? I asked myself again. If a cheerful lovely smart girl like Roger would end up this way, then what's the way out? What hope is left? In particular, if a loving daughter like that still left her parents with such sadness, what Chinese said 'white headed to send off the dark headed', then what hope is there for parents? How should we raise our own kids? People always say being a parent is a life long task. But who would have expected this? After that long journey of raising up the kids, sending them to school, seeing them settled down, got a job, got married - then suddenly, gone. As a mom now, I guess this is what I find most sad and shocking and difficult to accept.
Hope, the only ultimate hope in this world, is Jesus Christ. Lord You are the only hope. Only in You we can say there is always hope. Even if there is no hope in this world, You are our hope in the world to come. Only if we have You we know no matter what, we don't need to resolve to ending our own lives.
Lord, there is not much I can do for Sai Lo now. May I pray to You to give peace to her family - her husband, still, and especially her mom, but also her students. It just hurts so much for people around her to accept this. Please give them peace.
And Lord, may I pray for every single person out there, who still has not yet found You, the ultimate hope in their lives. Lord, it's so heart breaking to see people losing hope to end their lives. And then this despair got spread around to others around them. Lord, may I pray to You to send many workers out there to harvest many souls. May I pray that I become one of the many that You use and send out to bring people back to You, so they'd see You, know You, know hope, and know true life.
In Jesus's name I pray, amen.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 - a brief review and my new year resolution
Things I am most happy about:
- traveled with parents to Japan
- traveled with Wesley and the kids to Rotorua
- the last two weeks of the year in holiday with the kids. Finally Lok Lok would ask for Mami rather than Auntie!
- those months when Wesley and I could stick with our dating plan
Things I am not too proud of:
- my spiritual life, my daily devotion, bible reading, or quiet time
- how I might have missed a part time opportunity
Other things worth remembering:
- I like those Swire training courses that I attended. They helped me in different ways.
- I like those courses Wesley and I attended about social justice. I hope we can continue the changes we have decided to make (eg not to eat beef) but to do even more down the road as well.
- I felt devastated when we found that Lok Lok experienced the same issue as Sum Sum. We must have done something wrong, and that we must do the right thing going forward to help them get well.
- Job change at Marketing.
Things to do in 2011:
Spiritually, with Wesley)
- resume our daily bible reading and to follow the same reading plan
- share our thought and reflection weekly
- download and listen to the sermon each week
Family
- resume the monthly time alone with Wesley
- travel with my parents once again in 2011?
- traveled with parents to Japan
- traveled with Wesley and the kids to Rotorua
- the last two weeks of the year in holiday with the kids. Finally Lok Lok would ask for Mami rather than Auntie!
- those months when Wesley and I could stick with our dating plan
Things I am not too proud of:
- my spiritual life, my daily devotion, bible reading, or quiet time
- how I might have missed a part time opportunity
Other things worth remembering:
- I like those Swire training courses that I attended. They helped me in different ways.
- I like those courses Wesley and I attended about social justice. I hope we can continue the changes we have decided to make (eg not to eat beef) but to do even more down the road as well.
- I felt devastated when we found that Lok Lok experienced the same issue as Sum Sum. We must have done something wrong, and that we must do the right thing going forward to help them get well.
- Job change at Marketing.
Things to do in 2011:
Spiritually, with Wesley)
- resume our daily bible reading and to follow the same reading plan
- share our thought and reflection weekly
- download and listen to the sermon each week
Family
- resume the monthly time alone with Wesley
- travel with my parents once again in 2011?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Shack
'The Shack' was the last book I read in 2009. It was certainly the year end gift I have received from Dear God. As mentioned in the promotional message, in this book, I've met a "God as I've never seen him before". You can read some preview of the book at theshackbook.com
I guess the most important reason I really like this book is that it brought me close to God again. Since the birth of Sum Sum, my spiritual life has been up and down a lot, at the low end for most time because of the much busier life with 2 young kids. But when I was reading this book, once again I feel really close to God and can just talk to Him and Jesus and Holy Spirit, freely, any time. It's the intimacy I always long for but haven't experience for a long time. So I really treasure it.
Apart from that, as I read, I could really feel God's presence in the book. I could feel His presence when He worked these ideas into the author's mind and life. Only if He was there that this book could be written. And I enjoy being part of it, when I know God is there and is working in it and thru it.
One more thing I enjoyed about this book is how vividly it portrait the loving God, and how the 3 Godheads relate to one another, and the love and relationship and the fullness within God Himself. All these things I have known in my mind, but in the book I could feel in my heart, and thus to love and long for my Lord much more.
I enjoyed it so much that I bought 2 copies and gave out as Christmas presents immediately. Hope that you'd like it too.
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