grace's spiritual journal

2011 - a year of changes

2011-12-31T22:25:00.002+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Lok Lok,

Is it fair to say it's a year full of big changes? I guess that's true not only for me, but for our whole family as well: Lok Lok started in new school, papa had a new portfolio at work and faced the greatest challenge in his career so far, we moved to a new church, grand pa moved into elderly home, grand ma now comes over for dinner every night, auntie Gloria and uncle Robert and Chloe have moved out, and last but not least me in my new job position as well.

That's actually quit a lot! No wonder I myself am overwhelmed, too.

First I want to say sorry: because of the new post I got last year and also the new post I got this year, work has been much busier than before and has kept me away from you more than before, and way more than I want. Thanks for still being sticky with mamma so much, and telling me how much you miss me whenever I am away, on OT or DT. You don't know how much it meant to me to be able to hear your voice or see your face over Skype when I can't be with you. Not to mention the love and energy you bestowed on me when I did get back home.

Though work has been so tough and stressed and busy, I am really grateful for the change this year. No, it's really not that much about the promotion or money or status or benefits, though they are all good. It's really about the new challenge, horizon, scope, and responsibility at work that excites me. Most important of all, I feel I could do so much more for our Lord in this new position: that I can influence more people, that my role is increasingly about people themselves, their well being and development. It's just a natural fit with what I think I could do for our Lord at workplace! And ultimately, I know my goal is to do it so well, and so different from how others have done it in the worldly way, that people would recognize the difference and give praise to God, and ultimately wanting to get to know Jesus because they want this different, true life in them as well.

I traced back to the discussion between mamma and papa back at the beginning of the year. We had such serious debate and discussion at that time about my career path and career choice. Out of love for papa and to follow Bible's teaching to submit to husband, I stayed on as a full time working mom. And I felt that was the right thing to do, and was probably pleasing to God, too! I gladly took that on as our joint decision as the best thing to do for the whole family. I would really like to think that the promotion was God's way of telling me I have made the right decision about following Bible and submitting to papa, and now He entrusted me with more 'treasure' I.e. a bigger team at work that I could shepherd for Him.

The second biggest change is certainly our attending a new church. It was a huge decision and it took papa mamma months to ponder and pray. Detailed thoughts were captured in papa's blog posts. And behind this move was a more fundamental change which was not so obvious: I.e. our awareness and learning in reformed theology. With God's grace, I am now back on track with my hunger for God's Word and God Himself. To go to church, to read Bible, to read other books on reformed theology, to get to know Him more, day by day. And this is extremely important for papa and mamma that you two would grow up in a church that teaches correct concept and truth from Bible. And I am thankful that our Lord has led us to the right place.

I am stressed and exhausted. But at the same time I am hopeful and excited. I am eagerly looking forward to 2012, pray to God that we would all grow further in Him together: settling down at the new church, settling down at my new post, learning to pray more and for us to learn and live that 'God has the best plan for me' lesson together for Sum Sum's primary school arrangement.

Let's grow together. Would you?

Love you always,
Mamma.

生命工程：父母經

2011-03-18T16:26:00.001+08:00

親愛的以心，以樂：

爸爸媽媽最近報讀了中國神學研究院一個名為「生命工程：父母經」的課程，要交一份功課，反省一下我們作為父母，有何成功和失敗的地方。

我想我們第一樣做對的，是對作為父母有正確的期望與態度：我們知道成為好的父母不是必然的，或是天生就會的。所以我們抱着戰戰競競的心情，看書、上課、邊學邊做。我們想成為合神心意的好父母，所以我們上的課不是「如何提升子女競爭力」或「如何保送子女入名校」，而是「中神」的課程。正確的聖經教導與不斷的提醒是十分重要的，否則很難抵擋時下流行的種種育兒壓力。

在上這堂課之前，我們也有閱讀其他育兒書籍，其中一本就是 Sacred Parenting。所以當知道這書是這課程的指定讀物時，爸爸媽媽也不禁有點沾沾自喜：我們該算是走在正確的路上吧！而書中最重要的主題：「神給我們兒女，是其中一份最大的靈修功課，叫我們自己可以成長，成為更合乎神心意的人。」更是我們每天的體會，尤其是你們頑皮激心的時候。

在課堂中，媽媽最喜歡「家庭和作父母的神學基礎」和「牧養廿一世紀的孩子」兩堂課，因為媽媽在當中最有得着。

第一個學習，是聖約中神成全使命與恩典的角色（empowerment and grace）及人以順服與感恩作回應的典範，原來在家中可同樣展現，而且不是也不應一面倒由父母給予，卻也要讓你們有成全及施恩的機會。雖然你們現在還少，不過爸爸媽媽也留意着這方面，例如要你們幫忙做家事等，讓你們也有機會「成全」這個家。

在「牧養廿一世紀的孩子」一課，老師提到現今多元價值、講求詮釋的一套。其實爸媽對這並不陌生，因為我們也是在這後現代主義下成長過來的。不過對於要如何在這氣候下教養你們，使你們走當行的道，我們實在沒有頭緒；而老師提供了一條可能的出路，就是透過與你們分享爸媽的親身經歷。我們一直很着意讓你們了解我和爸爸的想法、價值觀，以及這一切如何影響我們的生活與生命。你們現在還少，未必聽得懂太複雜的觀念，所以爸爸和我都會將我們的想法、分享寫下來，等你們將來長大了可以仔細體會，這就是其中一篇。

另外，媽媽也很喜歡「給基督徒父母們」這篇文章。它讓媽媽反省很多爸做得不好的地方，最基本如帶你們返崇拜不遲到，或偷懶沒和你們每日讀經祈禱等。

而課堂中最重要的得着，其實沿自老師自己的分享：他的女兒們，會以為爸爸最以她們的甚麼為榮呢？又會最担心她們關於甚麼呢？聽完老師的分享，爸爸與我不禁汗顏：如果現在問你們這個問題，你們大概會回答是「吃與屙」！這兩條問題雖然簡單，對我們自我反省教養你們的目標與方向，卻是極好的提醒呢！

愛你的媽媽

God's Will & Career Choice

2011-02-10T18:42:00.001+08:00

Last month, Wesley and I went into a serious discussion about the possibility of me working part time. This subject has been coming up from time to time since the birth of Yee Sum and Yee Lok. But this time, we entered into a very serious discussion about it.

To cut the story short, we have jointly decided not to make any changes as of now. What I really treasure is not the end result but the thinking process and the discussion and the discovery we had along the way.

The disagreement we had was mainly about whether it's God's will or not? I felt that it's of God's will that I spent more time with the kids. That was in line with the teaching of Bible. Wesley didn't feel that way. And he also shared some books and articles with me from some good Bible teachers of why working part time or not wasn't really related to God's will for my life.

Is Wesley right or am I right? At the end, we agreed that both of us are correct in some way.

My interpretation is this: there really is no wrong career choice in God (well that's in my case/ normal case only, of course! We are not talking about drug trafficking or killing here.). As long as I have set my mind to serve Him and to love Him with all my soul and all my heart and all my mind and to live my life that way, it really doesn't matter what kind of job I do. I can serve Him all the same, with 100% of my life if I was a teacher or doctor or cleaner or postman.

However, if one career choice meant to me more addiction to job satisfaction (instead of being satisfied in Him), more concern for status, tighter grab of money, less reliance on Him, less time for Him, and i knew it by my heart, then to me, it probably was not the choice that God would like me to make. It has to do with my heart rather than the outset of things. To someone else, the same job could be perfectly fine because they could serve God wholeheartedly in it, but for me the same job could be a selfish, worldly choice if I knew deep down in my heart I chose this job was not to glorify God but to satisfy my own wish.

Isn't written clearly in Bible?
"The lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7

Praise the Lord for us to get to know one another better, also to know Him better.

Life and death

2011-02-06T17:33:00.008+08:00

I'm now on my way to a funeral. I guess this is the first time I attend a funeral of a person same at my age. And the first one I personally know who died of suicide.

I knew Roger since first year in secondary school. We were in different classes. Not particularly close - I had not seen her since we graduated.

That night, I got an SMS from an old school friend, asking me if I knew Roger. 'Yes, of course. Why?' I asked. Then he replied, 'she suicide yesterday.' I stared at my phone, speechless, my mind went blank. I have been thinking about her since then. Why?

My mind traveled back to secondary school time. Roger was in class B, and I in class F. The two elite classes in our school. We never went to the same class. I got to know her more because of a common friend. He called her 'Sai Lo', little brother. So we followed. That's how I got acquainted with Sai Lo.

Sai Lo was a lovely person. Always cheerful, and so kind to others. If there was any hint, might be the relationship she had with her boyfriend then? It seemed she was very devoted to him and that she took that relationship very seriously. Might be too seriously.

After graduation from secondary school, we went on different paths and we didn't really meet. But as Sai Lo became a teacher at our secondary school, I would still hear news about her.

What shocked me most, and made me feel so much for her passing away, was probably the fact that she decided to end her own life. And the picture of her mom in newspaper, looking for her daughter at the school because she didn't receive the daily call from her and couldn't find her anywhere, only to hear this shocking sad news from the headmaster and other teachers at the school.

Why? I couldn't help ask. Why? If she loved her mom so much to ring her up every day, how could she so determined to leave her mom moaning for her death? No I couldn't understand. I could only imagine that she was at that point in life so painful and hopeless that she could no longer care for persons that she loved, but to end her own life.

Why? I asked myself again. If a cheerful lovely smart girl like Roger would end up this way, then what's the way out? What hope is left? In particular, if a loving daughter like that still left her parents with such sadness, what Chinese said 'white headed to send off the dark headed', then what hope is there for parents? How should we raise our own kids? People always say being a parent is a life long task. But who would have expected this? After that long journey of raising up the kids, sending them to school, seeing them settled down, got a job, got married - then suddenly, gone. As a mom now, I guess this is what I find most sad and shocking and difficult to accept.

Hope, the only ultimate hope in this world, is Jesus Christ. Lord You are the only hope. Only in You we can say there is always hope. Even if there is no hope in this world, You are our hope in the world to come. Only if we have You we know no matter what, we don't need to resolve to ending our own lives.

Lord, there is not much I can do for Sai Lo now. May I pray to You to give peace to her family - her husband, still, and especially her mom, but also her students. It just hurts so much for people around her to accept this. Please give them peace.

And Lord, may I pray for every single person out there, who still has not yet found You, the ultimate hope in their lives. Lord, it's so heart breaking to see people losing hope to end their lives. And then this despair got spread around to others around them. Lord, may I pray to You to send many workers out there to harvest many souls. May I pray that I become one of the many that You use and send out to bring people back to You, so they'd see You, know You, know hope, and know true life.

In Jesus's name I pray, amen.

2010 - a brief review and my new year resolution

2010-12-31T22:08:00.001+08:00

Things I am most happy about:
- traveled with parents to Japan
- traveled with Wesley and the kids to Rotorua
- the last two weeks of the year in holiday with the kids. Finally Lok Lok would ask for Mami rather than Auntie!
- those months when Wesley and I could stick with our dating plan

Things I am not too proud of:
- my spiritual life, my daily devotion, bible reading, or quiet time
- how I might have missed a part time opportunity

Other things worth remembering:
- I like those Swire training courses that I attended. They helped me in different ways.
- I like those courses Wesley and I attended about social justice. I hope we can continue the changes we have decided to make (eg not to eat beef) but to do even more down the road as well.
- I felt devastated when we found that Lok Lok experienced the same issue as Sum Sum. We must have done something wrong, and that we must do the right thing going forward to help them get well.
- Job change at Marketing.

Things to do in 2011:
Spiritually, with Wesley)
- resume our daily bible reading and to follow the same reading plan
- share our thought and reflection weekly
- download and listen to the sermon each week

Family
- resume the monthly time alone with Wesley
- travel with my parents once again in 2011?

Good Friend

2010-12-11T00:16:00.003+08:00

Dear Sum Sum,

Mama finally got the chance to meet with your special 'good friend' at your school picnic.

You have mentioned about him quite a few times in the past few weeks. You would say that he is your good friend, and you are his good friend, and you are his ONLY good friend, he has no other good friend. You would also mention him when you helped decorating the Christmas tree: putting two snowmen together claiming one is him, one is you.

Seriously, mama was impressed by your persistence from what I observed during the school picnic: how you squeezed your way through the crowd to stand next to him, or to follow him around to play, or to sit next to him to eat.

Papa blamed it all to mama. Guess I should not have told him I remember my own first sense of 'liking' a boy was since kindergarten too. But from my observation of your 'good friend', I'm afraid he is more like your papa who didn't have a sense of 'puppy love' until Primary 4 (assuming that's true!).

Hope you don't mind mama putting up this post - well, probably you would! At least during certain years in your life. It's just such sweet memory not only for mama to treasure and record, but for the future you to recall and savour as well.

Love,
Mama.

Self Motivation

2010-12-10T23:30:00.003+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Mama just finished reading a book about cultivating self motivation in kids. It was quite insightful.

Something I already know: the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and the much more powerful nature of the former one. What's useful is of course the 'how' to shift non-motivated subject to extrinsic motivated then becoming intrinsic motivated. The 'trap' technique mentioned is quite interesting: i.e. to use reward as 'trap' to motivate a person at the start, but let the pleasure and joy of the activity to become the intrinsic motivation in the process. It's easier said than done but is a very good reminder.

But what's most interesting and new to me is the adverse effect of using reward as motivation! The story used to illustrate this was an old gentleman, he was bothered by the noisy kids playing loud music near his house. So he went out and told them how the kids had brought joy and livelihood to a lonely man like him by playing music near his house, so he would like to thank them with some money. He did this for 3 days. On day 4, he told them he could not afford it any more. So the kids said we would not then entertain him for free. So they left his house.

It is so true! For things that we are already interested in, the offer of reward will actually reduce the motivation by turning it from intrinsic to extrinsic, as a result weakening it, even to an extend to demotivate people if the reward is considered not enough.

It is a very important reminder for me NOT to use reward for something that you already enjoy doing, that already has a strong intrinsic motivation to you.

Again Auntie Bubu shared some great wisdom in her books about this. She never rewarded her girls to do housework nor getting homework done nor getting good exam result. She just asked her girls,

'Does papa work hard at work and for the family?' 'Yes.' 'Does mama work hard at work and for the family?' 'Yes.' 'Does papa or mama get reward for that?' 'No.' 'So it is the same for you, too. To do homework or housework or doing your best at the exams is your duty, just like papa and mama. We are all doing our part to be a responsible person and it's a good thing and the right thing to do.'

Mama needs to pray for the wisdom to guide you the right way too.

Love,
Mama

Writing

2010-11-26T23:41:00.000+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Lok Lok,

Auntie Bubu's books reminded mami a long lost interest: writing.

Papa enjoys writing a lot. You can tell from the hundreds of posts in his blog. He faithfully writes down his thought and learning from every class we attended, every book he read, every movie or performance we went, or just reflection from our everyday life.

I don't write that much. The only thing I write now, except anything work related, is just these letters to you. I write so little now that I nearly forgot how much I loved to write in the past. Granted I mostly just wrote letters or email, still, these were form of written words that recorded my thinking and feeling at a particular time.

As I pick up, not my pen, but my blackberry to write again this time, the feeling is very different.

Now I enjoy writing (typing!) because writing quiets me down. It slows me down. Writing forces me to organize my thoughts properly, and to get clear what I really want to communicate.

And it seems to me the magic resides more with 'rewriting' rather than writing. When editing my own work, I get the chance to inspect what I wanted to convey. If first draft is a natural flow of thought, then editing is really the art of craftsmanship to make the flow smooth, logical, understandable, genuine, and touching. And an invaluable opportunity to examine my own thought again, and again.

There are many forms of communications between people: talking, listening, singing, dancing, body language, painting, music... Writing is just one of the many ways. I hope you would find your own way to fully express yourself, to communicate with others and get yourself understood at the same time.

Love,
Mama

My heart is with you

2010-11-18T19:23:00.000+08:00

Dear Sum Sum,

I got a call from grand ma this afternoon. She told me that you didn't feel well today and you threw up twice. She asked if I could come home early to take you to the doctor.

But I couldn't! So grand ma has kindly took care of you, brought you to the doctor and updated me afterwards, in case I got too worried.

Of course I am worried! How can I not be? There is like a stone in my heart, grinning and grinning. The fact that I am so far away just added to my agitation. I can no longer concentrate at my work but to think of you. So as soon as I wrapped up stuff at work, I rushed home immediately.

I know my heart is with you. But at situation like this I wish I could be physically with you as well.

Miss you much. And hope you get well soon.

Love,
Mom.

A slice of my time

2010-11-10T22:56:00.001+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Lok Lok,

One important reminder from Auntie Bubu's books is to 'start doing', making use of whatever little time we have.

Being a mommy is not easy; being a working mom is even harder. Instead of having a large block of 'free time' at my disposal, more often than not I am only left with 'slices of time' in between your waking up, your calling me, traveling to work, queuing up for food...

But Auntie Bubu reminded me if we are wise enough, we could still make good use of these 'slices of time' to build our dream, to spend time on things which we find truly important in life. To me, that includes you and the writing of these letters.

So here I am, taking action, writing this letter to you during different time today when I was traveling to work, traveling back home, and now awaiting you to fall asleep.

I have always wanted to write you a letter a week. Now with this new mode of writing, I am more confident that it can be done. So that when I do have a block of free time, I can spend it with you instead.

Love,
Mami

蔡穎卿的書

2010-11-04T23:16:00.005+08:00

親愛的心心，樂樂，

媽媽很少用中文寫家書給你們，因為媽媽的中文打字不單慢，還有很多字不懂得輸入碼。不過，今次的分享一定要用中文才行，讀下去你便會明暸原因。

媽媽最近在讀蔡穎卿姨姨寫的書：《寫給孩子的工作日記》，《我的工作是母親》，今天讀著的是第三本，《在愛裡相遇》。

蔡姨姨的文筆非常優美。媽媽已經很久沒有讀過用字這麼精準，詞藻豐富，而且不落俗套的文章。媽媽彷彿突然才驚覺，自己近年來對「壞文章，壞中文」的妥協，已令自己損失慘重：中文水平一落千丈且不說，更重要的是用中文好好思索，完整表達的能力也大打折扣，甚致可能因此失去好好培養你們的思考以及表達自己的機會，損失便真的太大了。正因如此，媽媽很用心地寫這篇家書，希望留給你們的，隨了我的心情與感受，也包含著我對精準語文能力身體力行的支持。

蔡姨姨是個很棒的媽媽。她的書，卻遠不止關於如何作一個好母親。一面讀著蔡姨姨的書，媽媽一面領受著蔡姨姨的智慧與愛。她說的，都是簡單不過的事，比如，不要只想像而要行動，最重要的是身教，做個好大人，好好說話，做家事的好處，好好生活，等等。不過最特別卻也最不容易的，就是要做!而蔡姨姨所分享的都不是「應該這麼做」而是「我是這麼做」。

媽媽知道，我不像蔡姨姨一樣可以以巧手入廚或精於家事去關愛啟發你們。我知道，某程度上，我沒有的，我不能給你們——我說的不是金錢能買的培育，而是內裡的品質，人生的智慧，人的內涵。所以我要學的，不是烹飪與做家事，而是如何更深刻反思自己的生命，對生活中任何小節都不放過，作為自己成長，以及與你們共同成長的原材料。

愛你們的
媽媽

A quiet evening

2010-10-15T22:15:00.003+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

I am enjoying a rare evening just by myself. Papa is still at work, having meeting somewhere tonight. You two are sleeping soundly already, tired from school. I have some Jazz playing, not any kids songs, for a change.

I have been reading this book about how an introvert can thrive in an extrovert world. I think papa is an introvert, while I'm obviously an extrovert. Having said that, an extrovert would also need some time to quiet time and be alone. And this is that welcome night for me.

No matter how you find your characters and personality, I hope you can learn the important lesson to appreciate who you are, to accept yourself, and to love yourself as you are. Just the same way of how Jesus loves you, and how papa and mama love you.

It amazed me how different we are all born to be. You two are still so young, just 2 and 3 years old, or even before much younger, we can already start seeing the differences in you. That just gives you more reason to love yourself - you're so special, same as no one else, as God has created! Mama just loves you so much, each in a unique and special way.

Sum Sum is my sweet girl. You always miss mama and like to stick with me. You're quiet and you take time to warm up when strangers are around. But once you get into mood, you are just as active and laugh as loud as any other children. I really like your drawing. My favourite is still the very colourful fish with 4 legs and with skin and with bandage and with door and with eye and with a little child inside.

Lok Lok is my lovely boy. You are very independent. Even when you were just few months old, when we went to playgroup, you would wonder off to play with toys without looking for mama at the back. You are so funny: you like to talk to yourself when you are doing things. And you like playing swing so much you always ask me to swing you in our living room. I really like reading with you, too. You'd sit in my lap and read your favourite 'Tractors' book.

With both of you sleeping, I guess it's the best way I can spend time with you, i.e. by writing to and about you. Have a good sleep, my babies. And let's have some fun tomorrow.

Love you,
mama.

P.S. It's really no good to have so much OT this week. It's non-sustainable and not healthy. We can't continue this way. Let mama think and do something about it.

Trip without you

2010-09-20T23:31:00.000+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Lok Lok,

Papa and mama will make a short trip to Sapporo soon, but without the two of you. Mama is going to miss you very much, I know you will miss us very much too. But still, papa and I have decided not to bring you along.

It's because mama is traveling with Kung Kung and Popo this time.

Since mama grew up, mama has traveled with Kung Kung Popo alone for a few times: once in US when I worked there, once to Switzerland, and I think the last time was to Australia when Sum Sum was still in me. It's quite a special experience for mama - in those few days, I felt like an only child and can have them all for myself.

Mama really enjoys time with Kung Kung Popo, especially time to travel overseas. Though we usually see Kung Kung Popo every week, life in HK is usually too busy. Only when traveling overseas, we have more time together and more time to chit chat, to really relax and enjoy.

Sum Sum, Lok Lok, though mama loves you very much and really didn't wanna miss any moment of your growth, mama still has to make this trip, because mama loves Kung Kung and popo very much too. If bringing you two along, then very likely mama would focus on you instead of focusing on Kung Kung and popo, that is the whole purpose of the trip. I really treasure the time mama can enjoy with them, so I wanna make it the best for them.

(Here, mama paused for a long time. I really wanted to ask, when you grow up, would u do the same? Will you bring papa mama to travel too? Will you enjoy spending time with us as much as mama does with Kung Kung Popo? But after a second thought, I have decided not to ask, after all.)

We'll be back soon. Be good boy and girl when we are away and listen to auntie, ok?

See you soon and I love you very much.

Love,
Mama

Stubborn Boy

2010-08-24T23:23:00.002+08:00

Dear Lok Lok,

Tonight, you spent more than 2 hours on your purple little chair. Because you refused to admit that it's wrong to throw thing down to the street. Because you refused to say sorry.

Mama was heart broken to see you cry like that. Your little face so red and tears coming off non-stop. But you just refused to say sorry.

Not that you didn't understand. You do. In other circumstances you responded with sorry and an admission of wrong doing before. Just not tonight. I guess you were too angry to say sorry.

But my baby boy, papa and mama just love you too much to let you run wild and to go your own way. It's said in the Bible, the teaching stick won't kill. Also it's said loving parents must discipline their children so they won't go to the way of death.

Lok Lok, when you finally followed mama to say sorry, I couldn't help break into tears. I just wanna let you know that it's actually tougher for papa mama to discipline than you taking it.

I pray that God would give papa and mama wisdom to lead you to the right way, and have wisdom to teach and discipline a stubborn boy like you.

Have some good sleep, my dear boy.

Love you very much,
mama.

Future of HK

2010-01-20T23:28:00.002+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Lok Lok,

A lot has happened in Hong Kong in the past few weeks. I am referring to the demonstration against the construction of the high speed rail in HK, and the resulted comments from Donald Tsang. I am also referring to the comments from the Central government, on how they applauded Donald Tsang's iron hand approach towards the youngster who demonstrated against the high speed rail project. I am also referring to how the Central government made its strong objection of the upcoming '五區總辭變相公投‘ campaign. I am also referring to how another young hero got arrested in China - he helped the families affected by the poisonous milk powder to get a fair treatment, and the reason for his arrest was sort of 'finding fault and stirring up the society.'

All the above has become quite heavy burden in my heart. Last night, for the first time, it seems to me, that the future of Hong Kong is really doomed, in terms of freedom, rule of law, righteousness. Last night, for the first time, I seriously consider whether we should emigrate, so that you would grow up in a free country. So that I don't need to worry that for you to stand up to what you believe to be right, that you may get arrested or even get killed.

***

And tonight, papa and mama attended our class on church history. The teacher is a very good story teller, and he told about his own story of how he became a lecturer in CGST. He shared how he got interested in history. He told of his story of getting to learn the history of China and how thru the history, he also found his identity as and proud to be a Chinese. He shared how he decided to return to HK from USA in 1989, after June 4th, as he wanted to be a part of the history of China at that particularly difficult time as was in 1989. That though he was just one person, and there was no guarantee of how much one could do, he still wanted to leave his mark in the Chinese history, to try make China a better place.

***

I think it's not coincident. Nothing is coincident in God. But then I don't feel that God is telling me the only right decision is to stay in HK for me, or for you, or for our family. I just feel that God has reminded me another aspect of thing, that I may have missed when I look too closely, just at you. I feel God has warmly, kindly, and lovingly showed me that, there are choices out there. He lets us choose. Whether to be part of the history or to live in a relatively 'good' country.

Mama doesn't have the answer. It's a serious subject to think about. And it's not for me alone to think about, definitely with papa, and may be with you, too, as you grow up. But in any case, I am grateful. I like it most when I feel the closeness to God when He showed me the larger scheme of things. I just like to be with Him. Hope you'd enjoy such close relationship with Him in your life, too.

Busy thinking mama, with lots of love. But now it's time to go to sleep. Good night sweet hearts.

2009: Lost and Found

2009-12-31T22:59:00.000+08:00

In the past few years, every year Wesley and I would spend our new year eve at the 'Year End Thanks-giving Prayer Meeting' at our church. I don't remember we have missed it since we attended SIC together. I hope it will become a family tradition in our house.

Indeed I really enjoy this meeting, and I insist to share in it every year. To me, it's really a privilege and honour to be able to give thanks and glory to our Lord in this meeting, for all the wonderful things He has done in my life and our family.

This year, I gave thanks for 2 'Lost and Found' stories.

The first story concerned myself. 2009 was the first year I returned to work 'full time', as I was away on maternity leave for 3 months each in 2007 and 2008. As I have worked in my current position for nearly 5 years already, I started to feel a bit bored with my job. So I started looking, not only for changes but also for opportunity to get promotion. Not only I looked but I also actively thought about it and planned about it and pondered on it.

Then one day when I was discussing this subject with Wesley, he asked me bluntly, 'What you're thinking, are you trying to undo what you have done few years ago, when you decided to move out from the company's trainee scheme?' 'No, of course not,' I answered quickly, and a bit hot-tempered, feeling his question was accusing in nature. With a good temper, Wesley just smiled and didn't press on.

But after I calmed down, and I tried to think thru what I have been pondering, I couldn't help but agree with Wesley, 'trying to undo what I've decided few years ago' was exactly what I was trying to do! i.e. basically to try and work very hard in planning and plotting for securing more from my job, in terms of status, money, power, fame.

I felt some cold sweat coming out from me. What was I doing? What was I thinking? I opted out few years ago as I heard God clearly at that time. I thought I have learnt my lesson and won the battle against earthly desires and early wants. How wrong I was! Such temptation actually keeps staying around and has been waiting on the side to attack us whenever we are not paying attention!

How grateful I was for my Lord to remind me and brought me back once again, before I committed myself to the wrong path. And I am most grateful for such a loving, patient, good-tempered and wise husband to give me good council and Godly advice. As said in the Bible, 'two men is better than one as they can help each other whenever one falls'.

So I was lost, for a while, but am found.

The second Lost and Found story, was about Wesley and the two kids.

Among the many family and friends I know of, I admire most how Ah Sun, a brother in our church, interact with his two daughters. I've never seen such strong father-daughter relationship. Mother-daughter/son relationship is naturally and instinctively strong. But I know that for such strong father-daughter relationship, it demanded much more consciousness and hard work from the father.

And wishing the best for Wesley, of course I hoped he could enjoy the same very intimate relationship with our kids as well.

In December, Wesley and I had decided to bring along Yee Sum and Lok Lok for a 3-day short trip to Taipei. We really wanted a break away from HK and we wanted to see if we could handle taking the two kids with us to travel. It was a long and tiring 3-day, for us both and for the kids. But it proved to be a very nice trip and very worthwhile, as Wesley became much closer to the kids even just after these 3 days.

'That's why we need to do family travel,' Wesley said, upon returning to HK. But I suggested, 'it may not be about travel but because you didn't have computer or even iPhone to surf on internet, so you could really concentrate on the kids that's what making the difference!' Wesley nodded in agreement and didn't say much more.

But since we returned from the trip, Wesley would not sit in front of the computer any more when the kids were still around, nor would he play on the iPhone. Now he would sit on the mat to play with both kids after coming back from work, and only enjoyed his facebook or blogs after they both went to sleep.

And the change in the kids' response was so obvious! Sum Sum would now prefer Papa over Mami, some time, and got much sticky with Wesley now. Lok Lok also won't cry as badly when Wesley took care of him.

Children are so direct and their hearts so pure, they notice our every little change and they also respond with their heart and their love.

I am most grateful to our Lord for opening Wesley's heart and eyes and ears, and said as in Bible, 'for Fathers to turn their hearts towards their sons and daughters'.

And the very loving, very intimate relationship between the father and daughter/son in my family that at one point I feared losing, is now again safe and found in our house.

The Shack

2009-12-15T22:45:00.001+08:00

'The Shack' was the last book I read in 2009. It was certainly the year end gift I have received from Dear God. As mentioned in the promotional message, in this book, I've met a "God as I've never seen him before". You can read some preview of the book at theshackbook.com

I guess the most important reason I really like this book is that it brought me close to God again. Since the birth of Sum Sum, my spiritual life has been up and down a lot, at the low end for most time because of the much busier life with 2 young kids. But when I was reading this book, once again I feel really close to God and can just talk to Him and Jesus and Holy Spirit, freely, any time. It's the intimacy I always long for but haven't experience for a long time. So I really treasure it.

Apart from that, as I read, I could really feel God's presence in the book. I could feel His presence when He worked these ideas into the author's mind and life. Only if He was there that this book could be written. And I enjoy being part of it, when I know God is there and is working in it and thru it.

One more thing I enjoyed about this book is how vividly it portrait the loving God, and how the 3 Godheads relate to one another, and the love and relationship and the fullness within God Himself. All these things I have known in my mind, but in the book I could feel in my heart, and thus to love and long for my Lord much more.

I enjoyed it so much that I bought 2 copies and gave out as Christmas presents immediately. Hope that you'd like it too.

Loving you as you

2009-12-07T23:39:00.002+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Recently in two separate incidents, mama came across once again this reminder to 'love a person as he/she is'.

The first incident was a bit remote. Actually it came out from the sharing in the couple group papa and mama attended at church. When many couples mentioned how they dealt with disagreement from between the partners, I noted that very often it's because of the different character each person has. I also discovered that when one would get really when he/she thinks the other picking on self on purpose. But very often than not, our partner wasn't picking on us. It's just a clash of characters. And when one chooses to think, 'Well, he's just like that. He's just being himself instead of acting against me on purpose,' then one is much less likely to get angry. At least it's true for me and how I react to papa, when I think he's putting on the poker face for me.

I want to share the above with you because I think this is a very important subject. For you to be able to get along well with your spouse, or even your children in future, you really need to love them as God love them, i.e. love them as who they really are, in God's eye. It's not really true love if you love the 'ideal spouse' in your mind but not in front of you. It's not true love if you just love the 'good kids' instead of the ones you hold in your arms who are sometimes obedient and sometimes who are not.

This is an important reminder for mama. Mama doesn't want to compare the two of you and to say who's good who's bad. This is comparatively easy to remember. But mama also needs to remind myself not to compare you with myself, or any 'ideals' in my mind. You are special. Each of you are special. God made you special and unique and He loves you the way you are. So mama would get to know you as who you are also. And to grow up with you. And to keep on getting to know you, to appreciate you, to support you, to help develop what you are good with, and to help tackle what you are not so good at.

The second incident was a chat with Auntie Tak Tak. Mama and Auntie Tak Tak are two very different persons. We are of very different characters and personalities. When we were young, I guess, we didn't know how to appreciate the difference that much. But I am really thankful that as Tak Tak shared with me the other day, that God has really let her know how special He has made her and how He loves her the way she is. I am so happy for Tak Tak, as this revelation is so important! As your Veggie Tales books said, 'God made me special and He loves me VERY MUCH!'

If the first incident is an important reminder for mama, then this second one is an important reminder for you, Sum Sum, Lok Lok. It's because if you don't or can't love yourself as God does, i.e. loving you as who you are, then you can't really love others or receive the love from others. The bible said, 'we love, because God first loved us.' How true is that. It includes not only our love for others but also love for ourselves too - an unselfish, Godly love, the right kind of love for oneself.

I pray that you'd learn this truth in your life. Mama is so pleased for Auntie Tak Tak for she has experienced this truth in her life. I hope the same for you as well, my beloved daughter and son.

Love,
Mama.

Love Letter

2009-12-03T22:50:00.002+08:00

Dear Wesley,

Yes. After so many letters to Sum Sum and Lok Lok, I have decided to write you one too.

This week I have quite a bit of time to resume my blog writing, mainly because you have not been feeling well and you need more rest and sleep early each night. I treasure this quiet time by myself. But I treasure our time together even more.

Though I know I shouldn't worry, I still worry about you. I know it's only flu, but it breaks my heart to see that you can't have enough rest and there's so much work to do that you can't even call in sick to rest well for half a day.

I thank our Lord for He has blessed me with such healthy body. Even when I feel sick I would usually get well soon and I can still remain energetic even before full recovery. I pray the same for you too.

And apart from praying for you for that, we really need to do something about it too. We have talked about regular exercise for so long now, and we have just done our weekly ping pong ball for about 4 times. Let's get really determined and do some exercise together at least once every two weeks as our date. What do you think? For long term good for ourselves but also for the kids, it's really important to keep healthy. We may already be too late to start but late is better than never.

Being so good with self-discipline, I know you can do it once you have set your mind to it. And you can bring me along to do it too!

Apart from exercise, we should really stick with our monthly dating plan also. I think we have skipped October? And we did it once in November. I really treasure our time together.

You know, time is so short for a normal weekday night that after we put the kids to bed, you would already be too tired to talk or to share anything. As for weekend, it's just hectic, every single minute. Only when we have our date out, seated comfortably, taking our time to enjoy a 3-course dinner, that you would have enough time to relax, to think about what's in your mind, and to share with me. And that's really important to you, as you know. I really treasure you sharing your thought and what you're going thru at work, what you are thinking and what you are feeling.

Sigh, there are just so much things I wanna do. I want to spend much more time with you and the kids. Though part time may not be an option or may not suit me, I certainly hope there're some other ways. Lord would find a way for me.

Sleep tight. Have a good sleep tonight and a good bright new day tomorrow.

Love,
Grace.

Silver Bells

2009-12-01T23:18:00.005+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Do you know there's a Chinese saying, using the sweet sound from silver bells to symbolize Children's laughter? Whenever I hear your laughter, I would think of this saying and thinking to myself, it's a very good metaphor.

Sum Sum, you are such a big girl now, it's getting more difficult to hear this bell-like laughter from you. But whenever you laugh like that, you still melt mama's heart. No matter how long or tiring the day was for me, your laughter would immediately rid me of the tiredness and filled me with joy and smiles.

Lok Lok, now that you are a bigger boy, you laugh more than before! You would giggle giggle and giggle as I play silly thing with you, e.g. attacking your tummy with one of the stuffed toys. How I love your giggle and laughter! They are the best music to my ears.

I really want to take a video or voice recording of both of your laughter. But it has proved to be difficult. Whenever we get the equipment out, you would just come over and check them out. Papa and I may need to invest in those surveillance camera and recorder to do the task!

Seriously, mama thinks both of you have grown up too quickly. I already started missing the time when you were smaller. How I treasure every minute and every moment that I am with you. I pray that my memory would work well with the camera and video recorder in my mind, to take down all your precious moments in my heart.

Grow up slowly, little children! Take your time. Mama is not in a hurry.

Love,
mama.

Family Travel

2009-12-01T23:06:00.003+08:00

Dear Sum Sum, Lok Lok,

Mama hasn't written any blog for more than a month already. You can tell how busy I have been. Well, that's one reason. The other reason is that the new Internet Service Provider we have signed up is really bad. The connection is so slow at night time peak time (like now, at around 11pm) is so slow that it got mama discouraged sometime.

But I can still see wonderful thing from this: though I can tell papa is really upset by it, he has never taken it out at me (as I was the one suggesting the change of supplier). Mama is truly grateful to God as He has arranged such a loving papa for me.

Papa and mama were just back from Macau with Grand pa and Grand ma yesterday. It was Grand pa's first 'overseas trip' since he had stroke few years ago. Grand pa really loves to travel, even after he had stroke. So papa and mama were really pleased that he was healthy and strong enough to make this trip, 'over the sea' to Macau. You can read more about it from papa's blog.

Grand ma was really polite, possibly too polite to us as she said, 'So sorry for the trouble for traveling with us, and that you need to take leave to do so.' You know, even to Grand ma, I also told her it's really silly thing to say. It's not because it's a duty or an obligation that we travel with grand ma and grand pa. But both papa and mama really enjoyed it. We did not enjoy it as a fun-filled trip with lots of things to see and do and new things to explore and experience. But we really treasure and enjoy the time together with parents and family. This is priceless. And we don't always have time for that. So when parents are still around and healthy enough to have good time together or to travel together, we would do so.

Of course I hope you would share the same view and same value when you grow up. But I also know that it can't be forced upon you. I just hope that you would get that from mama and papa, as some of the best and most important things we can pass onto you.

Love,
mama.

Independant Boy

2009-10-23T23:28:00.003+08:00

Dear Lok Lok,

Now that you have turned 13 months old, your character is getting more obvious.

You have very hot temper. When you are upset, you not only scream but you would knock your head to the floor!

Most of the time you are very independent. You don't like to stick with mama. You like to explore and play toys by yourself. When we go to playgroup, you like to explore the room by yourself. You would walk and walk and walk on. Mama can see how you would just continue to walk further and further away from me as you grow up. Should I be happy or sad about it?

But most of the time you are a very happy boy. You like to go out and play in the balcony a lot, though there is actually not much to do outside, you still like to walk around there. And still, you like to eat very much and don't sleep very well and are very easy to wake up from sleep.

Mama is learning your way, too. As you know, you are very different from Sum Sum. It may take some time for mama to adjust, but mama wanna get to know you as who you are, and to response to you and to love you accordingly. Mama needs to grow with you, too.

Love,
mama.

An amazing 30 min in bathroom

2009-10-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

Dear Lok Lok,

This was the first time you seriously threw up. Mama was really insensitive. When you cried cried cried and walked around, I just didn't know that you didn't feel well. I just thought you didn't like the playgroup as it was the first lesson of the new season.

As I tried to hold you and comfort you, there and then you threw up. I never knew you could hold so much food in your tummy! All the congee from lunch and the bottle of milk in the afternoon transferred from your body to my body. I was literally soaked in your food.

Thank God I had got a sweater for you in my backpack. But I did not have any spare clothes. While we did the clean up in bathroom, you just cried in your little chair. I knew what I should do. Thank God for telling me to do the right thing.

So taking off my dirty T-shirt, I held the half naked you inside the bathroom, close to my chest, waiting for papa to rescue us.

It's a very strange and special 30 minutes, Lok Lok. And I was glad that you were able to calm down and to sleep a bit as I held you. I felt so close to you, Lok Lok. Probably the closest to you since you were born.

Stuck in a tiny bathroom, filled with filthy smell, with no clean clothes to put on. But I just felt sweetness and love all over me.

Thanks for such a special afternoon, Lok Lok. And good to see that you have slept well after we got home.

Love,
mama

starting school

2009-09-19T23:05:00.007+08:00

Dear Sum Sum,

3 weeks after you have started nursery, you totally like it now. Mama is so proud of you! Although you cried very bitterly when mama left you at school on the first day, you have stopped crying after a mere 5 days at school. Frankly, mama thought you would cry for much longer! You performed even better with your school bus ride - you cried on the first day when you were 'snatched' away from mama by the school bus auntie on day one. But since day 2 you already went on the bus by yourself. And you would waive your little hand and tell mama repeatedly '(唔)洗喊‘ (without pronouncing the '唔').

Mama is so glad that you enjoy your school, just like mama did when I was little.

Love,
mama.

happy birthday, Lok Lok.

2009-09-19T22:31:00.007+08:00

Dear Lok Lok,

Happy Birthday!

You are a one year old boy now.

Mama was so happy to take a day off to spend time with you yesterday. After accompanying Yee Sum to take the school bus, mama could then spend some solo time with you. I really treasure this, you know, and I think it's the best birthday gift I can give you. I am glad that you like the kitchen toys that I just bought and you enjoyed the 'dirty play' with the rice powder mixture again.

And today we went to Ocean Park. Though it was very hot, I did have very good time. I hope you liked it too.

But what mama liked most today was after we came back home, you played 'hide and seek' with mama. When mama sat on the floor and open my arms, you would then run to me, laughing so happily. And then you would ran away again, 'hiding' from mama, waiting for me to call out to you so you could run to me again.

Lok Lok, how I loved you running to hug me! You melt my heart, my dear. You are a sweet and smart little boy and mama loves you very much.

Looking forward to our trip to Taipei in December this year, which will be your first trip with papa mama alone!

Love,
Mama.

2 yo Birthday

2009-08-07T22:09:00.001+08:00

Sum Sum,

Hope you enjoyed your birthday today.

Originally both papa and mama has taken today off to spend more time with you. Too bad there was sudden work issues for papa to deal with, so he needed to go to work.

But I guess you still enjoyed our day together, as we went to have breakfast at Chung Chi Tang and went to feed the fish in the Lily Pond. Then we went to Hyatt to explore the room then to swim. You were so tired afterward you begged me to let you sleep - the very first time I have heard such request from you!

Though mama didn't buy anything for you, I think I did give you the best birthday present - i.e. to spend time together!

Love,
mama.

Yee Sum's Prayer

2009-07-23T21:54:00.002+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

As you are turning 2 years old very soon, now you speak a lot more words. And you say a lot more in your prayer, too.

Since you were a few months old, you have learned to say 'amen' after we prayed with you before your meal or before you sleep. Few months ago you have started to say your own prayer, usually with chain of your alien words that we could not figure out.

Now you speak much clearer, and your prayer has become longer, too. And we started to understand something you pray about: you would usually include papa, mama, auntie, sum sum, lok lok, or sometime even popo, kung kung, biu tse (cousin Chloe), yee yee (auntie), yeah yeah, mama (grandpa and grandma) in your prayer.

We know we were mentioned, though we still don't know what you have prayed for us. Nonetheless, it's still very warm and sweet to know that you remember your family when you first learned to pray.

And I'm sure God would listen to your prayer, too. So thanks for praying for mama. Please continue to do so even after you have grown up.

Love you very much,
mama.

Live a thoughtful life

2009-07-19T21:34:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Think you must be clear by now that both papa and mama are very serious persons, in the sense that both of us are very serious about our lives. This is true even before we became Christians. We think a lot about life and we don't want it to pass by aimlessly. We try to be as rational as possible, i.e. try to do things we think right and avoid doing things that are wrong, and to seriously think about what's right and wrong.

It may sound basic or even stupid to you. Isn't every one doing that? Isn't it insane to do it any other way?

You may be surprised to know the truth. As you grow up, you would find many, many people around you who don't live that way. You would find people who do not have strong enough will power to do the right things. (And I suspect more or less we are all part of this type, as no one can be perfect.) They may be aware of it, may be not. Some even don't care enough to identify the 'right' or 'wrong' things in their lives or what they want for themselves! They just let life drift by. They will just take whatever comes their way.

They may tell you as long as they lead a happy life, that's the only important thing. But you can see that there is no true joy in their lives. They may tell you they are too lazy to think about all these, or there is no pressing need to do so. But you would wonder, when is the good time, and how much time could one waste in his/her life.

Yee Sum, Lok Lok, mama feels really sorry for this type of people. I really think that they are wasting their lives away. I don't know what I can do for them, except praying for them to come into their 'senses'!

But to you, Yee Sum, Lok Lok, I pray to God that you won't be like that mindless, drifting souls that mama has met. Mama really hope that you grow up to be a person serious about your life, serious about living a life.

I don't know if papa and mama can instill this in you as you grow up. But mama will learn and try to it as much as possible. This is just too important to pass it up and I pray that God would lead you to the right way.

Love,
mama.

Romantic Surprise Dating @month

2009-07-01T15:57:00.004+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Started last month, papa and mama would have an extra night out every two weeks for our romantic surprise date. It was arisen from our recently attended Marriage Course. We went back to CUHK and the Peak last month - some 'old places' where mama and papa met and also went dating when we first went out. Quite 'textbook' like romantic arrangement with candle-lit dinner, flowers, and gifts.

It's great, of course. As I have shared with you earlier, it's important to remain romantic after you get married, and even more so after you get married for longer and longer time.

This month, I have prepared quite a different romantic surprise for papa - we had dinner and played boardgames and video games with Uncle Dick and Uncle Eddy.

'Why?' you may ask. 'It doesn't sound two romantic with two other uncles??!!'

Well, I think, what's really important is not a 'textbook' case study on romantic date. It is really a personal thing. To mama, a surprise element and the fact that papa has spent the time and effort in arranging the surprise is itself romantic and pleasing enough for mama. As for papa, mama just wants to make him happy. And I know papa would enjoy the boardgames so much - we haven't got a chance to play since Lok Lok's birth 9+ months ago! And the only time we played since Yee Sum's birth was when we were at the hospital, waiting for Lok Lok's birth!

Really, our date is really an excuse to let us do something special for one another, to really please him/her and to make him/her happy.

And you know what's the biggest benefit? It's not just the joy on the surprise dating night. The joy and excitement were actually there all the time when I started planning and preparing this special evening for papa, and also whenever I thought about and guessing what papa might have prepared for me this month!

I guess it's what love really is about - that when you try to love one another and put love in action, you are then fully immersed in the sweetness and fullness of love.

So, Yee Sum, Lok Lok, put your love in action, too! Your love for Jesus, papa, mama, family and friends around you... don't just leave love in your heart!

Love,
mama.

Frequency

2009-06-28T22:58:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Mama needs to adjust the frequency of this weekly letter to once every two weeks for now.

After venting out all those I wanted to say in previous weeks, I found it increasingly difficult to find topics that I really want to talk to you about.

No worry. I'm sure they'll come when it's the right time.

Love,
mama.

Beans!!!

2009-06-14T22:08:00.006+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Mama doesn't have any serious stuff to say this week. Just want to tell you how sweet it is to play with you, laugh with you, and simply be throwing beans with you!

Love,
Mama.

P.S. Lok Lok, just so that you know, you got your turn to throw beans around as well - after Yee Sum went to sleep...

June 4th

2009-06-07T15:00:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

As papa wrote in his blog, papa & mama have been going to Victoria Park on the night of June 4th for many years. I don't want to repeat what happened on June 4th 20 years ago. I think you can find out about that by yourself as there are so many readings, writings, pictures, videos and all sorts of information about that.

As you grow up, mama would like you to think about:

1. Why would papa mama, and so many others, continue to go to Victoria Park this time every year, for so many years?

2. What were the things the students asked for when they went out in 1989? How are those those needs being met nowadays, in Hong Kong and in China?

3. If you were the leader in the Chinese government then, what would you do in facing this student movement?

4. If you were one of the student leaders then, what would you do differently? Why?

5. The economic development of China didn't stop after 1989. In fact it has developed very well in the past 20 years and China has become one of the most powerful nations in the world. Some people said that it proved the government has done the right thing in 1989, as it was most important to keep social stability for the better development of the country. Do you agree what they said? Why?

Mama is very tempted to tell you what mama thinks, and to give you leading questions to lead you to my desired answers. But I know the most important thing is for you to come to similar conclusion by yourself, so that will truly be your choice and your answer to life.

The only thing mama and papa can do is to show you what we think is right and why we think so. Hope you'll follow.

Love,
mama.

The most important thing in University

2009-05-30T23:03:00.002+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

The most important thing for you when you're studying in University is... what do you think?

There was a famous saying from Dr. Shen Suen Yan, who was Head of Chung Chi College when mama started studying there. What he told us, in the first assembly of the school year, surprised us all. As he didn't tell us to study hard, or to find the calling of our life, or to make friends, or to get more different experience. But the most important thing in our University years, he said, was to try find our future wives or husbands.

That was quite a shock to mama, or even to any of my friends when I repeated Dr. Shen's words to them. Especially for mama's generation, which dating in secondary school was still not that encouraged. Suddenly, we were grown up and not only allowed to date but to get it done seriously, as to look for the other halves of our lives.

Mama didn't take Dr. Shen's words seriously at that time. But then, looking back now and looking around me, mama would say Dr. Shen's are really words of wisdom.

And though papa and mama didn't start dating after papa was graduated, we got to know one another indeed in University. And mama can tell it's much, much more difficult to meet the right person or to start a meaningful relationship once you start working. Not impossible, of course. Just a bit tougher.

So, spend your time wisely in U. (Well, it didn't mean spending ALL your time on husband/ wife hunting though!)

Love,
mama.

Romance

2009-05-23T23:11:00.003+08:00

Dear Lok Lok,

During Papa and Mama's trip to Paris last week, we had a little fight. Actually it was not a real fight, just that mama was a bit disappointed that papa didn't make any 'special' arrangement to celebrate mama's birthday when we were in Paris. So mama had a bit of negative emotion and reacted a bit emotionally. You can read papa's post to know the story.

As you can learn from papa's post, actually papa did make the special arrangement already i.e. for a boat trip in river Seine and to visit the Eiffel Tower on mama's birthday as these are romantic landmarks and places. But to mama, they just didn't count at all! So mama was disappointed, so as papa as he originally thought it was quite a romantic arrangement already.

What I want you to know, Lok Lok, is that very often men and women have very different ideas about 'what's romantic'(among many other things...). To papa, visiting these special places or go traveling aboard is romantic. To mama (and I guess to many girls, too), something romantic must have the surprise element in it. It also needs to show some special effort or thought or heart being put into it.

Lok Lok, it's very important for you to know this so that you know how to win girls' hearts in the future . But even more importantly, remember it even after you get married! This is more important, indeed, to remember to be romantic to your wife! Even after many years of marriage, your wife would still need this romance from you from time to time. This is one of the most important elements to keep the love between you two growing through the lifetime. So don't take it lightly.

And all the above, I have shared with papa as well (Of course!). And I am so happy to tell you that papa does take mama's feeling seriously, and he also expressed his love in the most tangible way - he got me a gift last night. You know, it's not the gift that matters but the fact that he took me seriously, took the time to buy it, and made it a little sweet surprise for me and that's what count.

Lok Lok, papa has set you good example. So, learn from him!

Love,
mama.

Learning

2009-05-19T22:02:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Papa and Mama went to Paris last week. We have visited 12 museums in 4 days. Of course one one hand it's papa's way to maximize the value of the museum pass, but on the other hand, both of us do enjoy seeing museums a lot.

Usually we would go to see different art work. Most of the time paintings. But I enjoy scriptures a lot as well. Most of the time we would rent an audio guide when visiting a museum. Because although we are quite interested in art, we have not studied much about it and so we could only learn more and be able to appreciate more when briefed by the audio guide.

I guess the thing I wanna share with you is our passion in learning. To be curious. To get to see more, understand more. And it's what makes travel interesting, too.

We are not sure yet which type of school you will be attending - mainstream? international school? But no matter whichever the case, I hope you would have more interest in learning as you grow up, not less.

Love,
mama.

Time alone

2009-05-08T22:28:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Papa & mama will fly to Paris tomorrow for our once a year getaway trip - yes, away from the two of you and it's a trip just for the two of us.

We don't bring you to the trip not because we don't love you. On the contrary, we love you two so much that we have determined to give the best to you. And 'the best' must include a family founded on love, and a strong, loving relationship between papa and mama. And same as anything else in the world, it takes time and effort to cultivate and grow our marriage, so it will be strong and sound.

It sounds very reasonable to me but I am amazed to find that many couples and parents don't do this. They would say to me, 'I have never left my kids to travel on our own.' On one hand I can understand how they feel - every time we are away from you we miss you very much! Even if it's just dining outside or going to a movie. We miss you already the moment we step out of the door!

But then, the importance of time alone, the importance of time and effort and skill in cultivating a strong marriage is such a consistent teaching in the materials I have come across. I think we are really blessed by God to learn such truth, and it's indeed the truth and teaching based on Bible.

So Yee Sum, Lok Lok, as you grow up you would continue to see Papa and Mama taking our own time off. We need those time away from you so we can love you even more. I hope you would learn from us and you would put the same effort and high priority to your husband and wife in future.

I know I'll miss you! Luckily we have such a faithful God that we know you're in His good hands while we're away. Otherwise it's quite difficult to practice!

May God take good care of you in the coming week. Mama will see you after our trip.

Love,
mama.

Picking a wife

2009-05-03T23:04:00.005+08:00

Dear Lok Lok,

Compared with the post I wrote to Yee Sum on 'Picking a husband,' I must say it's much harder for mama to write about this similar subject to you. And it's the first time I feel for the unique challenges in raising you - a boy.

I guess what I wrote to Yee Sum is still true for you, just the angle is different i.e. you need to grow to be a person who is respectable and admirable.

But what you need to pay attention is to pick a wife who knows who you are, and truly love you, respect you, and admire you. I want to warn you in advance: even if you love this girl crazily, but if she has not got this bit of respect or admiration about you, then, please make up your mind and leave her. Because there will be no future. Even if there was any 'future', there would not be any good marriage.

But then, as I am writing this, I also know that if you were really in love with someone crazily, you probably would not listen to mama's warning. You would only know it's all true after you tried and failed, hurt and heart broken.

Sigh. I hope you don't need to experience it, son. While I understand you probably need to meet someone else before you find your life long partner, I can only pray that it won't be too painful a process and that you follow God's way all along and keep your chastity for your wife.

For the rest, I guess you would need to talk to papa as I think he has done quite well in this subject! :)

Love,
mama.

Potty Training Day 3

2009-04-28T22:11:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

It's Day 3 of your Potty Training and you have done so well!

You managed to poo-poo in the potty this morning, finally, though after some long cry and struggle. TV really works great!

And there was only 1-2 accident each day requiring clean up. You have done so very well. Mama is very proud of you.

Mama hopes that you can fall asleep as well as your potty training goes. And soon.

Love,
Mama.

DIscipline

2009-04-28T22:04:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

You just quieted down after a long long cry. (It sounded like forever but when I look at the clock just now, it's only half an hour.)

Please understand it's really difficult for mama too. Mama hates to hear you cry and not able to do anything, especially I know that you cried because of me.

But it's very important that you know and learn that when Mama says no, it means NO. It's important for you to learn that so both our lives can get easier down the road.

Hope that you would learn it very very soon so you don't need to cry so poorly and Mama doesn't need to sit here heart-brokenly.

-- Oh my, as I was about to end this piece I saw you coming out to the living room as Papa thought that you fell asleep already and went to bathroom. Now we need to go through the crying all over again...

Come on, sleep sleep sleep sweet baby.

Heart broken mama.

Potty Training

2009-04-26T22:08:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

Mama is so proud of you!!! You already know how to pee in the potty only after one day of training! You are really a smart cookie!

The next target is poo poo. Let's see if we can get it done tomorrow.

Love,
Proud mama.

目送

2009-04-22T16:39:00.004+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

An auntie shared an article with mama today. It's called 目送 by 龍應台. You can read it here.

Mama could not stop my tears when I was reading this. It would still be a long while even before I send you off to your primary school. But still, I can already see how you will walk further and further away in future, when I can only see your back diminishing from afar.

I know I will miss you very much. Very much indeed. But then, I know it must happen like this. It will be the way for every child. Mama grew up, got independent, and walked away in more or less the same way, too, when I was young.

So I know it's inevitable, no matter what.

And I guess the only thing I can do, is to hug you more when you still want my hug, and to let go of you when it's the right time.

But please do remember: no matter I hold you tight in my hands or let you go your own way, Mama still loves you the same way, only getting more and more each day. (well, it rhymes quite well, doesn't it?)

Love, always,
Mama

When Mommy is not around

2009-04-20T21:45:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Lok Lok,

Every time Mama writes to you, I would imagine how you read these letters in future. In all my imagination, Mama is not around when you are reading these.

Mama is not around may be because you are studying overseas. May be because we just have a fight and you think Mama doesn't love you any more so you lock yourself up in your room, getting mad at Mama. May be because Mama has already departed for heaven.

No matter what, I think it's good that my words can still be with you, no matter where I am then. And that my love is also with you. When you read and re-read these letters in future, you would know Papa and Mama have loved you for so long, and that it has just grown day after day. And that there are so many things we want to tell you, that we just can't wait until you grow up but must start telling you, now.

Someone says that when one becomes a parent, one would understand God's love in a totally new perspective. Mama starts to get that.

Love,
Mama.

Love one another

2009-04-19T22:04:00.005+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Lok Lok,

Papa wrote about how you two get along with each other last week. This is also very important to mama so I want to write about it as well.

I think it would be really nice if you two can be good friends with one another. I certainly hope that you would be. But frankly, there is no guarantee about it. Friends are usually drawn to each other by similar personality, interests, world view... etc. People can choose their friends. But no one can choose their siblings.

But there is something you can still choose. No matter if you two are natural born good friends or not, you can still choose to love one another. Love is a choice. You can decide to love one another though you two may be very different, or even if you didn't get along well with one another at all - I certainly hope that it won't be the case! I hope you'd be like your uncle CK Li and auntie Ming Ming. You can tell they're really close to one another.

After you grow up and when you are fighting with one another, mommy will remind you how much you love one another now - Lok Lok would always follow Yee Sum's whereabouts with a most loving, admiring look. And Yee Sum would call us to take care of Lok Lok whenever he cries, and to go pat on his tummy or back when he cries.

It's really sweet.

Love,
mama.

Picking a husband

2009-04-11T22:21:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

This week, I wanna write to you particularly about how you should pick your husband in future. Yes it may be too soon to talk about this subject. I just feel that this one point is so important that I must tell you now, least I should forget later on.

That is, only marry someone you feel really admired and respect, at least in some particular area.

He doesn't have to be perfect. He doesn't have to be smarter than you, or taller than you, or earn more money than you. But there must be something, something about him that you feel truly admired. Something about him that you really respect.

I think this is really important because without this sense of admiration and respect, it's just very difficult to follow the Bible's teaching to be an obedient wife. How can one be obedient to someone one has no respect for?

In the case between Mom and Dad, I think I was most impressed with Daddy's thinking when we began our relationship. Mom really could not stand to have a lifetime partner who doesn't really 'think' or know what he wants in life or doesn't care what life is for. Although Mom and Dad had very different view about life at that time, Dad's seriousness about life and the fact that he got his own theory for his view point did impress me.

And now, I admire Daddy for quite a different reason. Since both of us have become Christians, Daddy has changed quite a bit. His life view is very different now but I respect him even more because of this. He is such a 'good' Christian - in the sense that he truly takes Jesus and His place in his heart and in his life seriously. So serious that at least 3 times in the past 2 years that he was willing to sacrifice his jobs or large sum of money, just so that he could follow Jesus' teaching to do the right thing.

And Mommy is very proud of Daddy for his actions. And I admire and respect him for this very, very much. And I really thank Jesus for us to have such a righteous Daddy to lead our household.

Yee Sum, Mommy pray that you can find someone who is also loving and righteous that is worthy of your love and respect to be your husband. God will prepare for you.

Love,
Mommy.

A letter a week

2009-04-01T22:55:00.002+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

I think it's good time to start my ambitious project to send you two a letter a week. Not sure when and if papa will do so but I think it would be ideal if each of us can write to each of you each week, then swap another week. And that I shall write in English and papa in Chinese. I think it should give you two very good incentive to learn the two languages well so you could understand what we have written - or may be not??!!

But this week, this first letter, I wanna write to both of you. There are so many things I want to tell you. There are so many things I want to teach you about. There are so many things I want to play with you. There are so many places I want to go with you...

I just love you so much. There never seems to be enough time to be with you. So I need to be patient and do it bit by bit. Part of it is by writing the things down so you can read them in future.

So let's start this good family ritual of writing letters (or blogs or email or whatever) from now on.

Love,
mama.

7s

2009-04-01T22:38:00.003+08:00

The HK7s this year is very special to me. It's special because I have experienced God's grace in it. So much!

Before the 7s weekend, I have joined a prayer group at office. We would come back 30 minute early every morning, quiet down, worship and pray to our Lord. I have just joined 2 meetings before the 7s weekend. But God has changed so much in me just in these 2 meetings! It has been long long time since I last enjoyed such close, intimate, quiet moment with God. And in these two prayer meetings God has renewed me. He has renewed me to prepare me for the challenge I faced on Friday!

First it's the challenge of last minute change. Lots of changes in terms of program content, responsible parties, rehearsal schedule, procedures...

If God hasn't prepared me in the prayer meeting, I think I would have blown up already. But with His peace in me, I managed only to let out my temper just a little bit. And I know without Him we could not complete the task.

Then it's the problem of our marquee at the HK Stadium - it looked like a big umbrella - and was a leaking one! Adding to it, water came flooding through the bottom of the side wall. You really needed an umbrella and a pair of rain boots in our box. And it was supposed to be for our VIP guests! Should I hand them each a poncho??!!

My boss told me, 'I don't care what you do. Throw money at it. I want it water proof on Sunday.' As the weather forecast said Sat would be OK but there would be thunderstorm on Sunday.

I prayed to our Lord. That's really the only thing I could do, apart from repeating myself to the constructor 'please do something.' I prayed to Jesus that it wouldn't rain on Sunday or even if it rained, no water would come into this leaking house. I prayed that not only me found favour in front of God and my boss, but that it's important for my boss for this marquee to be not leaking! So please bless him so he found favour in front of his boss as well.

And so it is! No more leaking of flooding in the marquee on Sunday! And except the little rain in the morning, it's basically a dry day and we even had a bit of sunshine!

It's just a great 7s weekend. Not because of the game. Not because of the drinks. Just because of the grace my Lord has showered on me.

Thank you Lord!

Back from Melbourne

2009-03-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Dear Lok Lok,

Papa and Mama and Yee Sum had good time in Melbourne. But Mama missed you A LOT! And I think in the future, unless totally necessary, we probably won't just take one of you to travel. (Well, Papa Mama still need time alone just for ourselves, though, so we'll probably leave BOTH of you when we go travel alone.)

Love you much,
Mama.

Look alike

2009-02-27T22:24:00.003+08:00

I think they look really really like one another. Photo was taken when each of them was about 5 month old.

Lovely Lok Lok

2009-02-27T22:00:00.004+08:00

Lovely Lok Lok,

Time flies by so quickly! You are already 5.5 month old and very soon you'll be 6 month old.

You are such a sweet baby. Your smile is just lovely. And your laughter sounds like jingle bell. It has been a very busy month for mommy but when I return home and seeing your smile every day, my tiredness will just leave me.

I love to hold you in my arms. You are such a big baby now. I guess you should weigh about 17 lbs now. And whenever you hold you high up in the air then bring you down, you would giggle sweetly. And I love to do it so much! I think it's the only exercise I've done since your birth.

Papa, mama and Yee Sum sister will go to Australia next week. Actually I really don't want to leave you at home but I know we can't really take care the two of you for an overseas trip. And it's a bit too far to travel with a small baby like you to Australia. So please be good and wait for us at home. We will be back soon.

Will bring lots of your picture with mama so I can still see you during our trip.

Be a good boy!

Love,
Mama.

I was wrong!

2008-12-12T10:36:00.003+08:00

At the beginning of my maternity leave, I thought that the person who was most happy was Yee Sum as I stayed home so much and Wesley spent much more time to play with her, in case she would be jealous of Yee Lok's arrival.

Alas! I was so wrong! Now with less than 10 days going back to work, I know who truly is the most happy person from this holiday. You can guess, hug?

I have never imagined that I would love to stay home so much, and drag going back to work so much. I just had a gathering with the other MTs of my same year to celebrate our '10th years anniversary'. They reminded me just how different I was 10 years ago, and they would have never thought that I am the person I am today. Even a year ago, I was looking forward to going back to work even before the end of my leave. How quickly and miraculously God can change our hearts!

I thank the Lord, for such lovely lovely time with my babies. I truly enjoyed it, down to every minute. Baby Yee Sum and Yee Lok are so cute and lovely. And it's just wonderful to look at them at this age. It's sheer joy spending time with them. I enjoy so much of this 'pressure free' period, totally putting job and work aside. Once again, I can already feel the work pressure even before returning to office. Just to think about the work ahead, the pressure has already sleeked into my heart. I guess the only positive thing that can come out from it is that the extra 10 lbs still on my tummy will definitely go away soon once I start work again.

If you ask me now, I don't even want a part-time job. I want to stay home full time to spend time with the kids. But I know that's not possible for now. Even a self initiated no-paid leave part-time arrangement wouldn't be a good move under the current climate. I still pray to the Lord for such an opportunity. But I am grateful for what I have already enjoyed.

Yee Sum, Yee Lok,

Mama has already started missing you two so much. Tears blur my eyes as I look at you two greedily, taking in all your move and smile to my heart so you could accompany me to work. Though of course I would still see you every day after work, I know it's gonna change and will be different from now. That will be another stage in life. And this precious period will never come back. And I'd miss it, SO MUCH.

I really hope that God would give us a miracle so I can stay home with you two. But I guess I'm not brave enough or have enough faith for that. I also pray to the Lord for enough faith to trust Him. Yes, I should remember that whatever God has for us is the best for us. He has the best plan and our best interest in mind. And if He does will me to stay home full time, He would open the door. And if not, I still have His peace and joy in my heart.

You two be good at home when mommy and papa are away. Love one another and take care of one another. Don't be naughty and get Rowena to be too busy. Eat and sleep well and be strong, both physically, intellectually and spiritually.

Love you very, very much,

mama.

Sweet Sweet Smiles

2008-12-01T10:26:00.005+08:00

Dear Baby Yee Lok,

You are 2.5 months old now. And you love to smile so much. You know, your smile is really, really sweet! They are like bright sunshine, beaming from your little face. You smile most when we talk to you after giving you milk - yes, with a full stomach and clean diaper and warm clothing and the comfort in our arms and the entertainment from our talk, you would smile most.

I am glad that you are growing very well. When we took you to the clinic last week you measured 60.5cm long - quite tall indeed at the 90 percentile! You are already wearing the clothes Yee Sum wore at over 3 months old and you will very soon out-grown the basket.

Do you sleep better with cold weather? These past 2 days you woke up later at 6 to 7 am instead of 4 to 5 am. Thanks for giving mommy more time to sleep. You are a good boy to give mommy enough sleep to prepare for the 'work schedule' that will come up soon.

I would really miss you, baby.

Love,
Mommy.

Mid Night Cry and Mid Night Crisis

2008-12-01T10:03:00.002+08:00

Yee Sum woke up and cried at around mid night last night. She still continued to cry even though I held her in my arms and brought her out to wash her face and gave her water to drink. I was worried and also a bit frustrated, not knowing what else I could do to calm her down.

Then Rowena came out from her room, took over Yee Sum, and put her to bed. She stopped crying and fell asleep till this morning.

I felt hurt and unhappy.

I have not felt unhappy for quite a long time already - praise the Lord. But last night I did feel sad.

From day 1 I have already known and prepared to 'give' as I have decided to continue with my job and get a domestic helper. Though from time to time I would have a bit of sour feeling when I see Yee Sum goes waiting at the kitchen door for Rowena, most of the time I still managed to 'get her back' by playing some silly games or silly toys with her. I counseled myself that it's normal for Yee Sum to be attached to Rowena as she spent so much more time with her, but I felt it's OK as long as we, Wesley and I, can still be ranked 'primary care takers' in Yee Sum's heart i.e. we would be able to comfort her and calm her down at time of distress.

But last night, I wasn't able to do that, either. And it made me really sad. And though in the past few days I have been saying I wanted a part time job, last night I felt like I did not want any job at all so I could spend more time with my kids so I could comfort them when they're distressed, and that I could be the first person they ran to when really hurt or sad.

And I felt even worse because I know it won't happen. At least not in the short term. Wesley won't think it a good idea, neither would I (especially in the day time, after the mid night crisis!).

This morning when I woke up, with a clearer head, I think it may not have anything to do with the person at all. May be Yee Sum just wanted to lie down and as I was holding her in my arms, that's why she kept crying.
(But actually that's still no good - it meant I could not tell what she needed, could not anticipate her needs...)

Seriously, I don't want to go back to work. I want to stay with my kids. (Stragely, I feel OK to go to Seoul with Wesley and leaving them behind at home, though...) Only 3 more weeks to go...

Yee Lok Double Full Moon Dinner

2008-11-23T15:15:00.002+08:00

We had the celebration dinner for Yee Lok last night. Again we had 5 tables, mainly our relatives and also friends of Wesley's parents.

It was a really joyful night. Wesley and I didn't think we would like this kind of occasion in the past. But after the full moon dinner for Yee Sum, we did feel the joy of this kind of gathering. So with no hesitation we threw a similar party for Yee Lok, too.

I was particularly moved seeing how Wesley's Dad enjoying the night. He was in such a good, good spirit last night. And I was really glad. I think he really likes to go out to have social gathering like this, to meet with old friends or colleagues. We should do this more often, really! Let me start thinking about a Christmas party for him.

And Yee Lok, you performed very well last night! You did not cry much and even when you did, just lightly for a little while. You played in your basket for long long time and you with your big eyes were in good spirit most of the time. Good boy!

Four of us went to church

2008-11-23T15:03:00.002+08:00

Today, the four of us went to church together.

It's the first time I went to church in 2 months time. We were a bit late. By the time we arrived, worship was more than half way through already and we were just there for the last 3 songs.

But God was so kind to me (as always). As soon as I settled down and concentrated on the worship, I felt very touched in the spirit. Tears started streaming down my face and for the first time in many months I prayed in tongues again, to praise and worship our Lord. Those were not the very touchy or emotional worship songs. And my tears did not fall because of sadness or joy. I just felt overwhelmed in the spirit. I felt so moved to worship our Lord. I felt so close to Him in the spirit. It seemed that He just reassured me that I have been staying close to Him all along in the past few weeks though we weren't able to attend Sunday service. And once we were back, He in me, resonated in great joy.

I am just so thankful and it's so good to be back, to be able to worship our Lord.

And it's good to be back to see other brothers and sisters as well. Though we were back only briefly (we were late and we left early), we still received lots of blessings and love from brothers and sisters around us. And they were so passionate with the 2 kids and taking them away for most of the time, giving me and Wesley the opportunity to truly immerse ourselves and enjoyed the worship. Hope that we could be back 'full time' very soon.

Calling of Levi - Luke 5:27-32

2008-11-20T12:04:00.002+08:00

Levi was a tax collector. He was seen as 'the bad guy' by his fellow countrymen as he worked for the Rome government and he made his living by collecting extra money from people.

Though knowing all this, in the past I just thought the Pharisees and teachers of the law too narrow minded and unforgiving to challenge Jesus' act to make friend and dine with such group of people.

But when I try to go deeper than that this time, I try to imagine seeing Jesus to dine with a group of people that I most abhor: persons who sexually abuse children, parents who rent out their own children to others for sex, burglars who rob and hurt elderly people... and the most important thing is that there are not yet converted, that they are not necessarily feel sorry for what they do! (I believe that among the many guests that Levi had invited, not all of them repented at the time.)

By substituting the type of people Jesus dined with, I started to see why it was so difficult for the 'establishment' to accept what Jesus did. I could see how much love it required for Jesus to dine with them, to love them, for only with much love could he see beneath their skin the beauty and godly image that was deep, deep down in their soul. For only with great love could Jesus see through the many sins that were burying and tying down and killing the goodness within them, and within us.

And when there was not enough love, I would only see what the Pharisees and the teachers did see, i.e. what I normally see every day, i.e. how disgusting these people are and what horrible things they do - not did, but still doing! It takes great love to see through all these and to see through to the persons that they can be - the persons as God has created, the persons as Jesus see, the persons that they, and we, can be.

Healing the Leprosy & Paralytic - Luke 5:12-26

2008-11-20T12:02:00.000+08:00

Then it was the story of Jesus healing the man with leprosy. Many have pointed out before how loving an act Jesus has done, by not only healing him but in fact reaching out and touching the man. Indeed this is something we can do even today: we may have been giving out small changes to the beggar at the street corner every day, but have we ever reached out to talk to him or to give him a pat on the back? I remember reading from Mother Teresa that it's LOVE that all these people needed most. And I am guilty on this one, along the many other things.

Another thing I noted from v14 is that Jesus told the man not to tell others about his healing him. But then in v15, "Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses." It wasn't stated in Bible but it is quite obvious that the leprosy man did tell others about it; frankly, how could he not to? It's such great, great news! If it were me I would tell every body I meet, not only just those that I know! Though Jesus has told him not to tell, to give more allowance to the leprosy man, I would just imagine Jesus didn't tell him WHY he shouldn't tell and so he didn't follow Jesus' order, thinking Jesus just trying to be modest.

Next is the story of healing the paralytic, who was hoisted down from the roof by his friends. When reading this passage in the past, I just simply put on Jesus' view point: why would you the Pharisees and teachers wonder in your hearts for Jesus' authority to forgive sins? Of course he has the authority! He is Jesus the Christ!

But when I read this passage again this time, trying to put myself into their shoes, I could see their reaction was only normal and reasonable. Truly, there were only 2 alternatives: either the person saying this blasphemy, or he truly had the authority to forgive sin, i.e. having the authority of God! To them, Jesus was just 'another person' and they didn't know he was the Christ. So it made sense to them to blame Jesus for blasphemy.

I wonder if I was born at that time as a Jew, whether I would be able to accept Jesus Christ to my life. I suspect that I wouldn't. Imagine Jesus was no longer the 'figure' in Bible that has been spoken about so much and be remembered in Christmas and Easter every year. Imagine Jesus was just like a "John Chan" or "Mary Lee" growing up next door, living in another housing estate, going to the same primary and secondary school as I did. How would I, how could I, believe that he's the savior of the world? Especially with my pride and ego, there's only a slim chance I could believe that indeed he HAS the authority to forgive sin. Indeed, He is God.

I guess another very good reminder from "The Jesus I Never Knew" was that actually I am not that much different from a Pharisee. When I used to identify with Jesus when I was reading the Gospels in the past, I am now more alert on the words Jesus spoke against the Pharisees, and check myself against those deeds instead.

Calling of the First Disciples -Luke 5:1-12

2008-11-20T09:31:00.006+08:00

There has been more than one week since my last entry of this study. On one hand it's been a busy week; on the other hand, I got stuck at the Simon Peter's story for a long time.

What has been puzzling me is Simon's reaction to Jesus, after they've got the 'catch of their lives.' He fell at Jesus' feet and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

Why? Why this reaction? Yes I can understand he would be surprised and awed and shocked. But why proclaiming his sinfulness and asking Jesus to leave him alone right away? I still can't get it.

By the way, though I don't understand why Jesus 'gave' them this full load of fish (as 'rent' of their boat for the teaching? as a mean to get Simon and his team's attention to 'recruit' them as his disciples?), I still think it's very thoughtful of him to leave this big catch to the disciples' family so they can have enough supply before working out their plan to cover for the 'lost' of the bread earners in their house.

Good Boy!

2008-11-13T18:17:00.003+08:00

Good boy Yee Lok! You are 8 weeks old today and you've already slept through the night (i.e. 8-9 hours of sleep) for the past 3 days! Well done!

Now we need to focus on training you to fall asleep by yourself in your crib instead of in our arms. It's a bit tough, especially to hear your cry cry cry during the training. But we need to do what's best for you so the training is necessary.

You are a smart boy and with Jesus' blessing, I know you'll get it very soon. So hang on there!

Love,
mama.

Tangible Love

2008-11-07T14:09:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Lok,

In the past few days you have started to smile much more. You would usually smile after I have fed you, changed your diaper, holding you in my arms, right before you dozed off to sleep. You are so sweet, baby! I can tell how comfortable you are from your smile. And I think it's not just about the milk or the diaper. It's love that makes you smile. Love is very tangible for you, expressed in the milk and clean diaper and warmth and holding hands ... but love is the thing behind it all. And it's love behind your lovely smile.

Enjoy it, baby. And thank you for reminding me, to love others and to be loved, can be very simple sometimes. But it can also be difficult - as it's not just about talk, but need to be 'tangible' also.

Love,
mama
(and yes, in an hour's time I'd need to feed you again.)

Yee Sum - 15 months old

2008-11-07T14:00:00.004+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

Today you are 15 months old.

I want to write it down here so you can know and read it again and again in future: thank you so much, Yee Sum. You are my beloved daughter. You have brought so much joy to my heart. It is pure joy by simply looking at you. I would just sit there watching you greedily, taking in your every move and every smile and every frown and every cry. I want to imprint such lovely moments in my mind, in my heart, so I can come back to it again and again in future, even after you have grown up.

I know I will love you differently when you have grown up but at this moment, I just don't want to let go of this 15-month-old of you.

Love you very much, sweet baby.

Mom.

Jesus in Galilee - Luke 4:31-44

2008-11-07T13:26:00.002+08:00

I noted that Jesus has done 4 things when he was in Galilee.

First he taught at the synagogues. As mentioned in v43, I think it's Jesus' main mission i.e. to preach the good news of God's kingdom. Not like us, Jesus never forget what he came on earth for. He knew where he needed to go. He might slow down for awhile because he had compassion on people around him, but he has never lost sight of where he wanted to go.

But along the way, he also drove out demons. From people's reaction and amazement to Jesus' ability to order the demon to leave the possessed person, it's obvious that no other but Jesus has such authority. Sometimes we may forget that many of the things we take for granted nowadays are indeed gift from Jesus, and they were not known or unheard of before Jesus made them available to us. Calling God our Abba, Father, is one, and the other is this authority to drive out demon.

Moved by compassion, Jesus also healed many as he taught. Like the temptation posted by the devil in the wilderness, the ability to heal and drive out demons has easily attracted a large crowd for Jesus. But this is not what he came here for and it's not the way he'd save the world. He's clear about it so he moved on, refusing people's request for him to stay.

I like this line in v42, "At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place." No more details were given but it's quite clear that Jesus went out, trying to pray, to spend time with our Heavenly Father. This is so important to him and we can read about his prayer through out the Gospels. It should be as important to me as well.

When was the last time I went out to a solitary place to pray? ... I thank God. At least I can have this quiet moment to read the bible and put down my thought here. Pray that I can continue doing so even after the maternity leave.

Jesus Rejected at Nazareth - Luke 4:14-30 (Part 2)

2008-11-07T12:08:00.004+08:00

I have been thinking about this passage again in the past few days.

Before Jesus was rejected at Nazareth, he has been teaching in other towns in Galilee, as mentioned in v14-15. And people in those other towns all sang praise of him and were impressed by his teaching. Though it was the case, we always considered his reading of the passage from the book of Isaiah in Nazareth the 'official announcement/ beginning' of his ministry. I wonder why.

And when I think again what Jesus told his old neighbors in Nazareth, about how a prophet would never be received in his home town, I think not only about the people in Nazareth at that time but Israel as a whole, when they put Jesus on the cross.

Jesus Rejected at Nazareth - Luke 4:14-30

2008-11-03T15:29:00.002+08:00

I have been pondering on this passage for the past few days. I tried to imagine how it all took place when Jesus was in the synagogue, with His bible reading, teaching and all these conversations.

I tried to imagine a 'matter of fact' Jesus - He was not proud nor timid, not flamboyant nor tame. I can't find the right words in English but in Chinese He's probably 不卑不亢 .

I think it works up to the part of his reading the scripture. But frankly, as he continued and started talking about Elijah and Elisha, the 不卑不亢 look is really quite a bit difficult to fit in with his statement! I think his words, while true, are really quite 寸 . I can totally understand why his old neighbors got mad at him after hearing his words.

But Jesus is not supposed to be 寸 , right? I can accept that Jesus is not as tame as we were told in Sunday School. But still, he's not supposed to be 寸 . Then how should I make sense out of this passage? What Jesus is like from this passage? What a person he is as I read from this passage? Or how does this passage fit in the description of Jesus in the bible as a whole?

I have not got the answer yet. I guess I need to keep reading and come back to this point later.

The Temptation of Jesus - Luke 4:1-13

2008-10-31T15:03:00.002+08:00

Philip Yancey has written very well on this in his book.

In the past I wasn't able to grasp the importance of these tests - what's the big deal if Jesus really turned the stones into bread or jumped from top of the temple? (Well, I was not that ignorant as to miss the 'big deal' if Jesus did worship the devil for the world!) Yancey made it clear that it's not about the action itself, but behind these tests are the temptation from the devil to offer an easy way out for Jesus' mission. By offering free food, or more broadly meeting people's physical needs, Jesus could have easily attracted lots of followers and changed the world. By jumping off the rooftop unhurt, or more broadly doing lots of miracles, Jesus could also have gathered lots of followers. Worshiping the devil was the most straight forward - the devil, the 'prince of this world', didn't mind handing the world over to Jesus, if He would just do his bidding. So mission accomplished, isn't it?

Reading this passage again, it just highlighted to me again how important we uphold our hearts in front of God. Worshiping the devil was clearly against God's command, so I won't discuss it here. But the other two, basically they were not the wrong things to do. And later on in Jesus' life, He has also done something similar (e.g. feeding the 5000 and the 4000, and escaping from the crowd from the edge of a cliff). What's important is the WHY it was done - is it for God? Or for our own purpose? We need to be so clear about ourselves, our thoughts, our intention. And this is what God asks us to do, to be clear of what's going on in our hearts and minds at all time.

I would consider myself a 'thinking person' but yet, I really can't be so honest with myself and so clear in my heart to put God first all the time. Yet as Jesus said, we need to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect. That's what God demands of us, which we can never achieve. Luckily we have God's grace to cover for what we can't do on our own.

Another interesting thing is that I don't think it was that tough for Jesus to resist the above temptations and shortcuts from the devil, at that point in time. Not that it's easy! Just that it's a much tougher call later in Gethsemane, when Jesus came face to face with death and the cross. It reminded me my own experience when I opted out from the trainee scheme from my company, understanding that was a call from my Lord. It was easy when I was asked to make that decision because I knew it was the right thing to do. It was tough at the point when I needed to make the final call, with the consequences e.g. salary cut etc. looked at me in my eyes. That's when the conflict really came and needed the strength from above to make the right choice.

John the Baptist - Luke 3

2008-10-30T14:33:00.002+08:00

This passage was just another reminder to me of how carelessly or mindlessly I have been reading the Bible. It's like the first time I got to really see what a person John the Baptist was like.

Instead of a 'model person' with gentleness, politeness, loving gestures, kindness with people... etc. John was actually quite a character, with strong words and quite a hot temper! Actually, reading the bible carefully, I found that there was never a 'soft' version of John the Baptist ever portrayed in the bible! It was all just my impression - wrong impression!

Just a reminder to myself - that I really need to READ the bible as it is written, rather than relying on my impressions or thoughts in my mind.

The Young Jesus - Luke 2:21-52

2008-10-29T22:25:00.002+08:00

When Jesus was 8 days old, Joseph and Mary took him to temple to present Him to God. There, they met this Simeon who has been waiting to see the Messiah. Simeon took Jesus into his arms and praised God, saying:

"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel."

What I noticed when I read this passage this time was that us the Gentiles were mentioned specifically - yes, that's indeed Jesus and God's intention for the salvation to reach not only Israel but to us all. Yet it's also a glory to God's people Israel.

I know Luke was a Gentile, too. Wonder if other gospels have this same message included in this incident, too?

What also surprised me was Joseph and Mary's reaction to Simeon's speech. In The Message, they were "speechless with surprise at these words." Why were they so surprised? Were they surprised because Simeon knew who Jesus was? Or were they surprised by what Jesus would bring to Israelite and Gentiles alike?

We are now so used to the idea of Joseph and Mary being the parents of Jesus. Sometimes I'd forget that actually they didn't know what lie ahead of them or of Jesus. And it's actually not easy to be the earthly parents of Jesus - there are no others on earth who has got the Son of God as their earthly kid! They could not even get reference or had experience sharing from other parents.

This difficulty was even more obvious in the only other incident recorded in the gospel during Jesus' early years - the trip to Jerusalem for the Passover and His staying behind. Being a parent myself, I can fully understand the frustration and hurt felt by Mary and Joseph when they found that Jesus stayed behind in the temple. But how should they react when their boy, also the Son of God, replied with "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" It was said that the parents didn't understand what Jesus meant - I guess so as before Jesus came, no one dare to call the Almighty God their 'Father'. Indeed it's through Jesus we can be so intimate with God and to be His children.

The last thing I wanna say, is that I really marvel at Mary's wisdom. Once again, she "held these things dearly, deep within herself." (The Message)

Lord, may I have this wisdom, too.

The Birth of John and the Birth of Jesus - Luke 1: 57-2:20

2008-10-27T16:14:00.003+08:00

This is so well known. I don't think I need to repeat it here. A few things just jumped to me:

1. What a big contrast between the birth of John and the birth of Jesus! One was surrounded by friends and family, a well celebrated event, a baby boy expected by many people for a long time. The other, born in a faraway land, no close family or friends around. Expected by many for a long time also (every one was waiting for the Messiah!) but at the same time least expected among close friends and family (baby from virgin Mary). There was no celebration by close friends and family, but strangely with visits from strangers the shepherds.

Seeing all this, it was indeed a very humble entry of our almighty God into the world in Jesus. Philip Yancey said it surprised him on how humble it was. We may not be surprised nowadays to link 'humble' with Jesus. But if I put myself back to that time, only getting to know God from the Old Testament, 'humble' is as far from God as north pole from south pole.

Why must God enter the world in such a humble way? So that the weak and the poor can identify with Him easier?

2. After the visit by the shepherds, 'Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.' (Luke 2:19 NIV) To me, Mary was not only a faithful, trusting servant of God as mentioned in the last post, she was also wise and smart. You can tell from this verse. And it got me thinking - how often do I treasure up all the wonderful things that God has done for me and ponder them in my heart? Too often I'm too forgetful... guess that's why I need to write my blog more deligently, to remind myself now and later on all the wonderful things God has done for us!

'Good News' to Mary - Luke 1: 26-56

2008-10-25T16:31:00.007+08:00

It was then Mary's turn. Again angel Gabriel was sent to her to announce the good news.

Quite a number of people have written about it already - that to Mary at that time, this 'good news' may not be that good at all! I guess being a Chinese, we can imagine that situation quite well. Both Chinese and Jewish society were very tough with things like this - a pregnant, unmarried young girl. Chinese would drown her in a 'pig cage', Jews would stone her to death.

But Mary's reply was such a trusting, obedient one. Yes she did ask how it would happen - but note that it's a different question from Zachariah's question: hers was a genuine question of how it would happen, while Zachariah's was a question of unbelief, asking for sign or proof.

May be it's because of Mary's young age? (From some other source, not sure if reliable though, I learned that Mary was actually very young when it happened - just a teenage girl, 12, 13 or 14?) That as we grow older, more and more we trust our own experience of this world, rather than trusting God in a pure and simple heart, like Mary, like children around us. I guess that's why Jesus also asks us to become like children, too.

And in the Bible it was said that Mary went to visit Elizabeth. In The Message, it was said 'Mary didn't waste a minute.' and in NIV, 'Mary got ready and hurried to...Elizabeth.' The Bible didn't mention what happened after Gabriel's visit and before Mary went to visit Elizabeth. I wonder if anything happened then, or if she really went straight to Elizabeth's. I would not be surprised if she just went, not even telling her parents or friends of the angel's visit. Who would have believed me, except for the one who also experienced a miracle just before?

From this I really see a practical, caring, and thoughtful God. Not only He loves the world and has determined to save it, He also loves Mary and took care of her at the same time. It would be so tough for Mary to bear a child unmarried! So in advance, God has already prepared Zachariah and Elizabeth so they can take care of her and stand by her. Remember, both Zachariah and Elizabeth are of old age and are righteous before God. They should be well respected in the family, with their seniority and reputation. Without their help and support, Mary's life would only get tougher.

It's only the second day I embark on this journey in getting to know Jesus better. It's great that not only I get to know Him better, but also, seeing how He and God are one...the same loving God.

Can't wait to start reading the next section...

Zachariah & Elizabeth - Luke 1: 5-25

2008-10-24T18:45:00.004+08:00

Well, I have picked Luke to start my journey. So before I get to know Jesus again, I get to know some people related to Him first. And they are Zachariah & Elizabeth. They are His uncle and auntie. From the fact that Maria went to stay with Elizabeth for 3 months after she heard from an angel, I would say they were pretty close relatives instead of distant ones. (More can be said about this later.)

I would say Zachariah and Elizabeth's was quite a 'typical miraculous story' in the Bible - both of them were righteous before God. Even so, they didn't have any kids. And with the miracle of God, at their old age they have finally got their own kid. Sounds familiar? Yes, at least I can remember Abraham, Samuel, one of the women in Old Testabment who took care of one of the prophet (was it Elijah or Elisha?)...

But when I try to get to know Zachariah & Elizabeth real and up close this time, I have noticed something interesting.

First, it's about Zachariah. He wasn't able to speak after he heard the good news from Angel Gabriel till the birth of his son, as he didn't believe what Gabriel told him.

Zachariah's first reaction to Gabriel's appearance was 'paralyzed in fear' (The Message), which I guess, no one would blame him. But what surprised me was his reaction to the good news. In The Message, the translation is 'Do you expect me to believe this?' and in NIV, it was 'How can I be sure of this?'

Noted that the second sentence from Gabriel (after telling him not to be afraid) was that 'Your prayer has been heard.' That meant, Zachariah (and probably with Elizabeth) has been, or at least has sometime ago, prayed for a baby.

It got me thinking - did he really mean it or believe in it when he prayed for a baby? If so, why would he reacted this way i.e. not able to believe, even an angel appearing from nowhere telling him such news? Then I would think, how many times in my life I have prayed without believing that God would really do something about it? Maybe, afterall, I am not much different from Zachariah.

And it also amuse me to note that, actually, Zachariah's reaction can also be seen as asking for another sign, especially from the NIV translation. There were many people in Bible asking for signs from God, after hearing His revealation, and I do not recall any of them got 'punished' by asking for a sign. (May be I remember incorrectly, please let me know if that's the case!). I wonder if it was because for others, they heard God's revealation from other human being, e.g. a prophet, so it's sort of OK for them to ask for some 'miraculous signs'. As in Zachariah's case, the appearance of Gabriel the angel itself is already a supernatural event that should be enough to show him it really was a message from God. So any further request for proof was thus 'penalised'.

It just reminded me once again how firmly we might be got hold with on earthly belief and thought - in this case of Zachariah, it's the belief that 'old age = no children'. Even seeing the messenger from God, he still couldn't breakthrough from such thought. We just need to keep remind ourselves that our God is OMNIPOTENT, in Him, there really is NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE! Do I also fall in this trap from time to time?

When I turned to Elizabeth, the mentioning was short. But this line caught my attention, 'she went off by herself for five months' (The Message) or 'for five months, she hid herself' (Revised Standard Version).

Why did she need to, or want to hide for 5 months? My suspection was that she didn't really believe it, either - 'it's too good to be true! Can I really be pregnant? At this old age? I had better wait and see.' I guess I can really understand her concern from a pregnant woman's point of view - many women would not announce their pregnancy until the first three months have passed, that they are more sure of the safety of the pregnancy. I guess it's even more so for Elizabeth, being pregnant at her old age. The last thing she wanted would be to disappoint others, and most of all herself, by a false alarm. It would be too much to bear.

The Jesus I Never Knew

2008-10-24T18:36:00.003+08:00

Just finished reading this book. Suffice to say it's good enough to ignite my interest and passion to read the 4 gospels again to really get to know Jesus by myself - seeing that I have not been knowing Him in person before, but really only through others' eyes, the Sunday school version, the tamed and all-loving-all-perfect-not-so-human Jesus. (I'm not saying He's not perfect, just that, He is actually a person in blood and flesh, with His own temper and character and attractiveness, which I have never really explored before.)

So hopefully I can embark on this meaningful journey in getting to know Jesus, the real Jesus, by myself in the coming weeks - though it'd be a never ending journey...

Jesus watches over Yee Sum

2008-10-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord Jesus,

I really know you watch over our family and our home. Thanks so much for watching over Yee Sum. Twice already, you told us to fix those safety devices before Yee Sum came to put them to use. The first time was those corner protectors - the day after we put them up, Yee Sum fell off from the chair and knocked her head on one of the corners which was just covered up the day before! And then it happened again - after I put out the mat in front of the sofa yesterday, Yee Sum fell off from the sofa just this afternoon!

What can I say, my Lord? You are a really loving and caring God and You take such good care of us, even to the smallest thing. Thank you Lord!

Love,
Grace.

Yee Lok - 1 month old

2008-10-21T16:48:00.002+08:00

Dear baby Yee Lok,

Time flies! So fast, now that you're 1 month old already.

I guess one of the reasons this month has passed us so quickly is that I'm now an 'experienced mom'! I am more confident in taking care of you and am now more relaxed than a year ago.

Of course you have contributed to it as well. You are a good, big boy. You didn't need to do blood test for 'baby yellow' nor need the 'blue light' treatment. You have been eating a lot and eating quickly. And you are so good feeding from my breast directly! That saved both of us (and Rowena, too) lots of time and work. And it certainly helped milk generation which would release another pressure point for me, too. Your weight gain is quite impressive - you have already put on another 2 pounds since birth, i.e. 25% of your birth weight! Good boy. I think very soon you'd be of comparable size of Yee Sum.

Yet on the other hand, this past month reminded me just how hard it is for being a mom of a new born baby. We are still on the every 3 hour feeding schedule, including night time. So I would need to wake up 2-3 times every night to feed you. And it's over a month now that I have not got straight sleep for more than 3 hours. Thank God that I still feel OK and energetic. I think God has really given me, and maybe all mothers, extra energy to deal with this period.

And you are quite demanding indeed. You like to be held a lot. You don't like to play by yourself that much - well sometime you do, though not always. And it's especially tiring during night time - you always need to be held to sleep. There were nights I needed to hold you till 1am or 2am. It's really tiring.

When I am really exhausted, I do need to remind myself that every baby is different. So no comparison but I just need to get to know you and to give you what you need and to love you as you are. Let's just work on it together!

PS. I really enjoyed patting you this afternoon, and seeing how your eyes reflected my face. Yes, I love you baby.

Love,
Mom.

A welcomed break

2008-10-16T15:10:00.003+08:00

This morning I went to get the birth certificate for Yee Lok. There were so many new born! I got to wait for about 2.5 hours before it was my turn for the application. So after getting my queue-up slip, I went to a near-by Starbucks.

It turned out to be the most relaxing and refreshing 2 hours in the past month or so!

Relaxing on a comfortable sofa, sucking in the aroma of coffee, enjoying a cup of Mocca, under the soft light, glancing out the sunny busy street outside, I enjoyed my time alone with Jesus at this corner of this busy coffee shop. Reading "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Philip Yancey, I felt I got to know Him like never before. Yes, too often I was blinded by the usual tamed way of seeing Christ. Yes, too often I was too lazy to face my own true self and Christ, to see what He really meant in His words and what it really meant to me, in my own life. It was a quiet, great encounter this morning, and reminded me more than ever who Christ is, and what He meant in my life.

Thank you Lord, for such an unexpected encounter and such a needed quiet time with you.

Yee Lok - 2 weeks old

2008-10-02T15:12:00.002+08:00

Dear Yee Lok,

You're 2 weeks old today.

So sorry that I wasn't able to write an entry earlier. Guess you know why I have been so busy?! Having 2 babies is really different from having just 1. You and Yee Sum would take turn to keep me busy, or else, I would be fallen asleep as I was too tired.

You are a good baby. You eat a lot - up to 9 to 10 times a day, even with 4 oz of milk each time! That's really amazing. I think you'd soon catch up with Yee Sum in size.

I am really grateful to the Lord as you are also easy to be taken care of. You eat fast and sleep well and would play by yourself then fall asleep in your basket.

I have already fallen in love with you! Again, I didn't think you were too good looking when you were born - you looked really round and and round and your head was just like a ball! Now that you have lost some of the retained water, your facial features look more defined and I think you are really a handsome boy.

We have come home for about 10 days now. It's great to know that I've lost nearly 15 lbs since we returned home. Those were the easy pounds as they were just water. The tough part is ahead of me - need to lose at least another 20... for you it's a different story. Your mission is to gain weight. So eat and drink more milk!

Hope you have enjoyed your first 2 weeks in the world. But I think the person who was most happy in the past 2 weeks was Yee Sum. As Papa Mama and you are home most of the time, Yee Sum got to play with us and YOU a lot. Yee Sum really loves you. You can tell from the pics. She would come touch you lightly on your hands and feet and head from time to time. She would come look for you in your basket when she woke up in the morning. She would kiss your little feet. I am really really thankful to God that you two get along so well. I think it's a really good start. Though there must be time in future that you would fight or argue, I think the love that I've seen between you would go much deeper. That would last for a long, long time, even after my time on earth.

Good boy Yee Lok. Sleep well. You would soon remind me to feed you with your loud cry.

Love,
Mommy.

Yee Lok's hanging mobile

2008-09-16T20:43:00.006+08:00

This is my first hand-made gift for baby Yee Lok - it's his first hanging mobile.

Not that we can't afford to buy one, but I've read from all these books that newborns are actually more attracted to black-and-white objects rather than colourful things. And it's really difficult to find black-and-white hanging mobile from outside! So I've decided to make one. And I think I've done a pretty good job too.

Hope Yee Lok would agree.

Great maternity leave

2008-09-16T11:58:00.005+08:00

I'm really, really grateful for what God has arranged for me this pregnancy.

First, I could finish all the work that I wanted to get done last week. It gave me great relief and a peace of mind, knowing that everything was in good hands of the right persons. So I could start my maternity leave really well packed up and prepared.

Second, it was a long weekend just now. Wesley and I had plenty of time together, to spend time with Yee Sum, and to spend time with our own families i.e. grand parents of both sides. We all know that from this week on there would be a few weeks time that I wouldn't be able to make a visit to their place. It'd need to be the other way round for awhile.

And it was such a great service at church yesterday. The worship was great. God was there. And then we prayed in small group. God was there. I was so touched, as we prayed for those babies in China who got poisoned by the milk powder. I knew God was there and I was very pleased that as I prayed, I knew I was praying what He asked us to pray for. And even the sermon was good - well, I wouldn't take it for granted but it was really good yesterday! Good for our church and for Queenie, too!

Last, it's today that I treasure very much. It got off to a very good start. I prayed a long prayer in bed before I left my bed. It's such a good and peaceful start and so close to God. So great. Then I picked up Yee Sum and spent sometime with Wesley before he went to work. After breakfast and fruit, Yee Sum was off to her morning sleep - very quietly and didn't cry at all! That's very good. And I got the chance to take a nap and had some quiet time for myself as well. In the afternoon my mother-in-law came visit with the food for me after giving birth. She's always so thoughtful. We also had some good chat on family matters as well, e.g. how father-in-law has been doing recently, how we're to renovate our house when both kids grow bigger..., etc.

I know it will be awhile before I can have any quiet, leisure time for myself so I really treasure it.

Tomorrow I'll go check-in to the hospital and the day after it's the scheduled day for Yee Lok to be born. Life will be very different afterwards. But I'm sure, it'd be just as exciting and challenging and enjoyable, as God will be with us as always.

My second pregnancy & maternity leave

2008-09-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,

Really thank you for your blessing.

This pregnancy, same as last time, has been so smooth and 'comfortable'. Although there was once a period we suspected that I might have got gestational diabetes, it turned out alright. And considering that I've put on over 40 lbs again, I have been really agile even as of today.

And I really thank you for listening to our prayer. I was a bit worried that Yee Lok would come out too early, because of his size and my weight gain. But now the 37 weeks 'full term' mark is already passed, and that I could finish my last day at work before starting my maternity leave, too. I'm really greatful for these two things and really wanna thank you again for this.

Our last prayer is that Yee Lok would not come out before Doctor Leung returns to HK on 16 Sep. Frankly I don't mind if Yee Lok is to come out on the scheduled time on 18 Sep - you know, I always prefer YOU to decide when the child is born. But if you decide that it's the scheduled date and time, then of course it's fine with me too.

Lord, thank you for looking after us, our whole family, so completely and so wholeheartedly. As always, I am really grateful for all the blessings you have given us and all the grace that you bestow on us. There's really nothing that we've done to derserve this. Just simply because we are your beloved children. Thanks for loving us so much, Lord.

Most grateful,
your daughter.

Yee Sum - 1 year + 1 month old

2008-09-07T21:30:00.000+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

It's very amazing how much new stuff you have learned in the past month!

Now you know how to point point point to ask us to bring you to wherever you wanna go, or whatever you wanna get your little hands on.

Now you not only know how to spread toys to all over the floor, but you also know how to help pick them up and put them back to the box.

Now the second pair of teeth has finally shown themselves on your upper jaw.

Now you have started to have your own will, and will express yourself through screaming or loud voice or smile or shaking head.

...

...

...

It's really amazing to see you grow up, my girl. Keep going. Mom is looking forward to seeing more of you, to getting to know more of you.

Love,
Mama.

18 years old & 2 years old

2008-08-24T08:36:00.003+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Yee Lok,

I know - Yee Sum you just turned 1 yo 2 weeks ago and Yee Lok is still in my tummy. But I just need to think about how you'd be like when you're 18 years old - the point you turn into adulthood in modern society.

This is one of the areas all these parenting books prompt me to think about most. In our day to day life, we're easy to get lost in meeting your daily needs: feeding you, keeping you clean, playing with you, keeping you happy... but sometimes, if we don't think carefully, we may simply choose the laziest way to keep you happy in the short run without thinking what type of person we are growing you into.

For instance, it's much easier for us to pick up the toys after Yee Sum but if we keep doing so, Yee Sum will just grow up like untidy mama but not tidy daddy! That's NOT what I wanna see!

That's just a simple example, of course. I am more concerned of how your character will be developed, what type of person you will be, how will be your relationship with Jesus and with other people in your life, will you be a responsible person... etc. etc.

18 yo may be a bit far to think about. And I know I'd need to do it bit by bit. But let me think what I wanna see when you're 2 yo:

- able to walk around
- able to feed yourself
- no more need of diaper (at least during day time)
- able to say 'please' 'thank you' when appropriate
- able to pick up your own toys and clean up after you play
- able to help putting on and off your clothes

Think you should be able to do much more than the above! But I need to read more to know what I should expect before you turn 2. Let's wait and see.

Love you,
Mommy.

Write a letter

2008-08-24T08:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Yee Lok,

I was discussing with your dad yesterday that I wanna start a family tradition in our home so that on a regular basis (once a week or once every two weeks?), that we would write a letter to each other. Probably this is inspired by my old box of letters! Or may be from this book between Ms Long Ying Tai and her son.

I think it's a really good idea! Of course it's good for your learning and language skills development, but it's really not the most important point.

You must have heard from me or dad before how we started to become really good friends and finally together, through our exchange of email. So you know, exchanging thoughts in writing has always had a special place in our family.

And in writing, we would then be able to talk about really in depth things that we may not bring up over dinning table. And that by corresponding separately between us, we can then really talk about things that are of concern to you as an individual or that you are interested in or care about.

I think it would be nice to have our correspondence in English while the correspondence with your dad will be in Chinese. And I'm thinking may be we can write a letter each week, alternatively to mom/dad, yee sum/ yee lok?

Can't wait to start this project. I'm so eager to receive your letters! May be we can start as soon as you start your scribbles...

Love,
Mommy.

Old stuff

2008-08-24T08:05:00.002+08:00

Dear Yee Sum, Yee Lok,

Mommy was trying to find more space for your ever increasing clothes and toys. And today I've finally reached this box of old stuff from my teenage years.

Inside, they were mainly letters and cards and photos. I know I haven't looked into them since I put them in the box. The only time I would take them out and read them again is the time I need to decide whether I still wanna keep them or to throw them away.

So as this time.

I was so determined to throw them away! You know, keeping useless, old stuff is not my habit. But as I flip through those letters and stuff, I was reminded of my own teenage years. I was reminded how young and delicate and sentimental and sad and lonely and confused and puzzled and lost I once was. I have long forgotten those feelings. And I know, I need to be reminded of them in 10 years' time, when I accompany you to enter this fast-changing, heart-breaking, life-changing, lots-of-fighting stage of life.

So you know, this box is kept for you.

And may be, when all of us grow even older, you can then pick up the letters one by one, reading them to me and asking me whom each of them was. I hope I won't just remember those old friends then but still live at that present moment ... Alzheimer's disease is a terrible thing...

Love,
Mommy, written when I'm still 'young'

Nightmare?

2008-08-18T22:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Yee Sum baby,

After you slept for about an hour, we suddenly heard your cry cry cry.

It's quite unusual that you cry again so soon after you fall asleep. And it's a different type of your normal cry, too. This time you cried louder and louder and louder, instead of crying quieter and quieter and quieter then cried yourself to sleep again.

So I went in to see you. Oh your whole head was wet by sweat! And you cried so bitterly. I couldn't comfort you by patting your back or smoothing your hair. So I picked you up and held you in my arms (which I normally won't do). You were still crying! Usually once we held you in our arms your cry would stop nearly instantly. But not this time.

Your cry broke my heart! Your cry broke my heart into thousand pieces! I kept patting you and prayed that your fear or nightmare or discomfort would just go away.

Then papa brought in a bottle of warm water, and that indeed quiet you down.

As I was holding you again in my arms, waiting for you to fall asleep, I felt this deep deep love for you again. Couldn't stop my tears from falling. I love to seeing you fallen off to sleep, though I must say it's no longer an easy task with mommy's big tummy and your close-to-20-pounds body. But I really enjoyed it.

Every time I see you to sleep, I feel this deep love from God. I feel that Jesus is just next to me, seeing you fallen to sleep together. In my deepest love for you, I feel the love of God also. It's a strange quiet time I enjoy with you alone, but together with Jesus also. In nowadays hectic life, this quality quiet time comes once in awhile, during which I not only get close to you, but also to Jesus as well.

Love you, baby, even with your cry cry cry. You're a sweet baby. Good night and sleep well tonight. I'm sure you will, as Jesus will watch over you.

Love you very much,

mommy

Yee Sum's First Birthday

2008-08-07T21:50:00.000+08:00

Dear Yee Sum,

It's really amazing, and a bit difficult to believe that one year has already passed. You are now an one-year old! Look at you, I can see how time passes us by so quickly. Without you, every day is just like most other days.

You have achieved so much in the past 12 months! You've put on about 12 lbs and 25 cm. You've learned how to turn, how to seat, how to stand, and now, just a week before your 1st birthday, how to walk as well! Now you know how to say baba, mama, dada, and amen (though not necessarily addressing the right person/ situation...).

I'm very proud of you, baby. Not because you can do all these. Just because you're my sweet little girl.

Looking at you, I couldn't hold my tears. Your smiles, your eyes, your move, your hands... you just touch my heart. I really enjoy this period, baby. I think it's the sweetest time (so far). You enjoy seeing us so much, and so are we. You just melt our hearts away whenever we see your lovely face. And you're still too young to talk any adult talk, to talk back, to detach from us to show us you're an individual... and I enjoy this period very much. I know, it'll pass very soon. And I wanna enjoy the most of it before we explore in to the new phase together.

It's a strange thought but I'm already thinking: how would you be like when you have your 18th birthday? With a blink of the eyes, one year has already passed. And there're only 17 years for Wesley and I to prepare you to become an adult, to take full responsibility of your life.

I can't help thinking, how I'd like to see you in 17 years' time? I hope you have already passed the teenage rebellious period. I hope you have already passed the doubtful period during which you need to find and meet and develop a personal relationship, a close relationship with Jesus. I hope you're about to go into another new stage of your life to enter the University. I hope you'd have found out, at least roughly, what you wanna pursue in your life. I hope you'd grow to become a responsible person - responsible for your own choice: responsible to God, family, society. I hope you'll be a person passionate for God's kingdom. I hope you'd care for the society and people in need. I hope you'll be a considerate person. I hope you'll be a person of thought. I hope you'll be pious. I hope... I hope... I hope...

May be I have thought too much already. May be some of the things above shouldn't be included in the list by some 'parenting guidebook'. I don't know. I'm also just learning to be a parent, a good parent. We still have a long way to go. And let's learn the lessons in life, together.

Love you much, baby Yee Sum.

Love,
mom.

Yee Lok - 8 months old in my tummy

2008-07-24T20:49:00.000+08:00

Baby Yee Lok,

Time flies! Now you’re already 8 months old in my tummy. In about 2 month’s time, we’ll then meet you face to face.

Things are quite different with you this year. With Yee Sum around it’s quite a busy schedule every day even before you’re born. But your presence is still constantly felt with your energetic kicks and moves and yawns and jumps. Think it must be even more exciting once you have arrived.

Another different thing is how you make me look – today for the first time I can really tell you, or more accurately you in my tummy, look different from Yee Sum! I notice that my tummy is really more ‘pointed’ rather than a flat fat ball compared with the shape I had last year. And I definitely am less swollen and retain less water this time round. Well done, boy!

I still look for a chance for us to go swimming together before you are born. My back hurts! Swimming together helps take some weight off me and hope you enjoy the fun to go swimming too – wonder if it makes any difference inside the womb?

Grow well and enjoy, son. See you soon when it’s the right time as decided by God.

Love,
Mom.

Work & Workload

2008-07-23T20:50:00.000+08:00

(How many of my colleagues read my blog? Think it’s an ultimate test and a test of my confidence in writing this….)

For over 10 years, I’ve been hearing from Wesley all the time how he has finished all he has to do by 9:15am every day. Now with his latest job, it has all changed and work would keep him busy from the first till last minute when he’s in office, and even some occasional OT work to take home.

Interestingly, it’s the other way round for me. For the past 2 weeks I don’t have much to do. I’ve even cleared away a number of some long outstanding items that have been sitting around for months, if not for years! I really got a bit bored from all this down time. I’ve been saying that it’s not easy to work on a job that has nothing to do – it takes some special personality to do so and survive. I guess I’m just not one of them.

I guess I really enjoyed it when my boss was away for the past 5 weeks on study when I acted as her deputy. Frankly, I haven’t done much. But I really appreciate the opportunity given to me to participate and to be involved in meetings and subject items that otherwise I won’t have chance to touch. It’s such a big contrast then and now, without much happening in my own area.

I guess it’s really ‘luxurious complaint’ to be made. Any how, I’m thankful for such a stress-free position for these 2 years when I have the babies. God knows best.

Gold coin

2008-07-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

It’s a very small gold coin, even smaller than a 10 cents. But still, I’m quite excited to receive it. It’s the 10 years service award from my company.

10-year is indeed quite a long time! That’s nearly one-third of my life so far. It didn’t feel like 10 years with the frequent job changes at the first few years. But I do treasure my time here very much. Thank you Lord. I like my job and this company indeed and thanks Jesus for putting me here.

Look forward to getting more gold coins for my 15 years, 20 years, 25 years …. of service.

(I think the only thing I’m not sure is whether my kids will change my mind, or God may tell me to try for something new for Him someday. Let’s see.)

Bonus from 12 days without maid

2008-07-19T20:45:00.001+08:00

As there was some urgent family matter, my maid went back home again for 12 days. As both Wesley and I still need to work, we’ve put Yee Sum to my parents’ home during the weekday in this period.

As it was new environment and Yee Sum didn’t like the playpen that she slept in very much, I needed to accompany her to sleep 3 times a day when I was helping out there. It is something we normally don’t need to do when she is at home. Yee Sum has got such awesome sleep habit that we simply bring her to her crib, put on the sleep suits, read bible story, pray together, and then leave the room. She’d then fall asleep by herself.

We are very aware of the importance of sleep training since her birth. So after some initial ‘cry cry training’ and some occasional ‘big cry against sleeping’ incidents, it’s the case most of the time.

But this time at my parents place, I found this new joy in pampering her and seeing her to fall asleep. She is so lovely – she’s already very lovely when she’s awake and playing around, but the sweet smile on her face when she lies down is just different. It’s more gentle and sweet, compared with the constantly-moving energetic Yee Sum when she’s playing.

Wesley reminded me not to get her to a new, more time-consuming sleep habit (time consuming for us!). But I think, all these good habits should not deprive me the joy and sweetness and closeness I can enjoy with my daughter.

I just love to see her off to sleep. Thanks for the bonus, Lord.

Yee Sum’s first swim

2008-07-16T20:51:00.001+08:00

Yee Sum enjoyed it very much! And it’s very interesting to see her little legs kept moving freely underwater, propelling her to nowhere!

(My dad took them to swim again the following day. But without mommy around, Yee Sum didn’t wanna swim! She didn’t even get into the training seat!)

Kindergarten

2008-07-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

I have just started looking for kindergarten for Yee Sum. And I’m already too late!

I try to find a good and near-by one so Yee Sum can start attending when she is 2 years old next year. (Actually it should be called nursery for kids that young.) But I found the waitlist was as long as 160+! I don’t think we’ll stand a chance there.

No panic. We’ll just continue to pray and trust that God will prepare and arrange the best for her, while we continue looking.

My first Mother's Day & 33rd Birthday

2008-05-13T10:47:00.000+08:00

This year, my birthday fell on the Mother's Day long weekend. So blessed that my annual FOC tickets also got confirmed for a trip to SIN this weekend. So there we went - Wesley, me and Yee Sum. It's also Yee Sum's first overseas trip, taking a plane.

It was great. We didn't do much in SIN, actually. Just met up with 2 friends for dinner/ lunch. Went to the church service at City Harvest Churce. And the rest of the time was basically eating, taking taxi, wandering in shopping mall, or staying in hotel room.

Even so, it's really great and I did enjoy it! Yee Sum seemed to enjoy it very much as well. She laughed even more than in HK. She was in a very good mood most of the time, and always played with strangers we met on the street, on MRT, in lift lobby... etc.

But the most special thing about this trip was that when it's time for us to come back, the flight was so full that we were told to wait, even though we had confirmed bookings on hand. I kept praying to God, oh please do let Wesley go back to work. Lord you know he can't take leave yet and that he really needed to go back. Please make the best arrangement for us.

So faithful our God is! Finally, it's our turn and there was only 1 seat left on the plane. Wesley made a quick decision to bring Yee Sum with him to HK first. And I stayed behind.

There was one second that I was sort of not happy about this. But then, I was really grateful and thank our Lord for this wonderful arrangement: while Wesley can be back to work in time, I also have a special gift from God to have a quiet night as my birthday present. In fact, because I was offloaded with a confirmed FOC booking, so I was provided with dinner, hotel stay, breakfast, and round-trip taxi transfer.

It's actually very nice - not only because I could have one more meal of Hainanese Chicken Rice, to buy the Pandan cake that I love, but more importantly I felt really relaxed and enjoy the quiet and sweet night with Jesus, followed by a sweet sunshine morning with a safe flight back to HK. I really enjoyed reading bible that night, seeing how the sunshine falling thru the tree leaves glorifying Lord. Seeing how different trees growing along the roadside, unique in their own ways, singing their praise to God. Seeing how the cloud was formed in the sky, each with its own shape and shadow, all reflecting God's wonderful self.

It's a very nice birthday and mother's day present, indeed. Thank you Lord.

First Letter to Yee Lok

2008-03-04T22:31:00.003+08:00

Hello Baby Yee Lok,

How are you? You are already 10 weeks old in mommy's tummy. You should have your head, body, hands, legs, fingers and toes already, though in tiny tiny shape. But you will grow up quickly in next few months and we should see you face to face very soon.

You know, daddy and mommy have always expected you. Since God has touched our hearts to have kids, we have always planned to have at least two kids. But you do come a bit earlier than we have expected! As daddy mentioned in his blog, it's like us winning lottery with only one go while we have waited for over 20 months before Yee Sum has arrived! But amid the time difference, we feel as strong that you are indeed a gift from God, and at the best timing God thinks we should have you.

And God has indeed given us your name even before mommy left hospital after giving birth to Yee Sum last August! When I had my quiet time with our Lord when I was still in hospital, the following verses kept repeating in my heart:

My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46-47

我心尊主為大；我靈以神我的救主為樂。路加福音 1:46-47

So you see, God has really prepared everything for you and for us already.

We will soon know whether you are a boy or a girl when we visit doctor next time in mid- March. Looking forward to seeing you again then in your ultra sound pictures.

Continue to grow well and may you be filled with God's spirit!

Be a good boy/ good girl even in mommy's tummy, OK?

Love,
mommy.

2007 Review and 2008

2007-12-31T20:21:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day of 2007. I am now waiting for Yee Sum to finish her last bottle of milk for this year before we head out to church to join the year end thanksgiving prayer meeting.

There are so many things we need to say thanks to our Lord.

For the smooth and healthy pregnancy period.
For the date and time and smooth operation of Yee Sum's birth.
For Yee Sum is such a lovely adorable healthy baby so easy to take care of (most of the time, not now when she's crying and refusing her milk bottle, finished only 1/3).
For my mother accepting Jesus Christ to her life and had her baptism this year.
For Robert my brother-in-law also had his baptism this year, together with my mom.
For Wesley to experience so much of Lord's presence in his work life.
For Rowena to come to our home.
For the Lord's plentiful supply to us, physically, spiritually, our health, our family.

None of the above we should take for granted. All of the above I'm truly thankful and grateful, for they're all gifts from my Lord.

Looking ahead, I think this year is a rare one in recent years that I don't have a clear plan or targets to look forward to in the year to come. May be too busy to think about?

Of course we'll continue to take care of Yee Sum and she'll have her first birthday. But then, what? Seems like no significant milestone will be coming up.

Sounds a bit dull, doesn't it? I think it sort of reflects the stagnancy I feel for right now. Especially my spiritual life. Yee Sum's birth is of course a most happy thing. But the changes I've gone through during pregnancy and after Yee Sum's birth were so great, that definitely has drawn my attention and as a result, I'm further from my Lord than before. And it's not satisfying to my heart. Things started to improve a bit since I returned to work 1.5 month ago as I can at least have my daily devotional time back. But it's still a long way to go and I do really wanna go back closer to our Lord. I guess this is the only thing that I really look forward to in 2008 for now.

(P.S. We have lost - baby still just finished 1/3 of her milk tonight and we've put her to bed already. Let's see if we'd need to feed her tonight after we come back from church...)

First turn over

2007-12-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

Yee Sum has been trying to turn over from lying flat to tummy down in the past few days. But she was still unable to do it. I've been thinking when she would flip over.

Today is a Saturday so I'm at home. And, as we were playing, she did it!

I know she'll turn hundreds of thousands turns in her life. But being there, seeing her first flip still means something to me.

Lord, thank you for your kindness, saving this special moment for me. Thanks.

First day at work

2007-11-12T09:38:00.000+08:00

Hi Baby Yee Sum,

This is mom's first email to you. Because we have been together most of
the time in the past 3 months, I didn't need to write to you at all. But
as mom is back to work now, I can't hug you or kiss you or hold you all
the time, I can only write you an email to cure my missing you and for
you to read in future la!

Though I miss you a lot, it's good to be back to office too. The first
thing I enjoyed most is the quiet time in our Lord this morning. So
good. Mom hasn't been doing too good in keeping a dedicated quiet time
in God in the past few months. But I have been longing for God and
longing for such time so much. It's good to just focus on our Lord and
to enjoy the time in Him. I need to learn to do so outside a regular
weekday routine as well.

The second thing that I'm happy about is all the familiar faces that I
see. So happy to meet with all the colleagues and friends. Yes I like to
work with these people indeed.

Well, time for me to go and seriously start working now. Talk later.

Love you.

Mom.

Good Morning!

2007-10-31T08:38:00.001+08:00

I don't remember there is any other time in my life that I am so happy to wake up each morning. Because there is this smiling little face I look forward to see every day.

Life is wonderful and life is beautiful. Praise the Lord!

Poo Poo

2007-10-30T12:59:00.000+08:00

Baby finally had her poo poo again on Sat night, and then again today (a big one! yeah!)). We were so happy! As soon as we have changed her diaper, we started to call every one i.e. grand pa & grand ma...

It's amazing how poo poo can bring you joy!

Praise our Lord, even for poo poo!

The most beautiful baby? I don't think so...

2007-10-23T12:25:00.000+08:00

Do all moms think their babies are the most beautiful? Well, I don't think so. At least I didn't when Yee Sum was first born.
I thought her head was too round and eyes too small. And that she was not particularly 'beautiful'.

Well, but 2 and a half month later, it's all different now!

She is now the prettiest baby! But I think, it's not because she now has bigger eyes and sweet sweet smile. But it's because she is my lovely daughter.

It certainly is a surprise to me, that even something like motherly love doesn't come 'naturally'. It still takes time to bond and to nurture. I can surely say I love Yee Sum now more than when she was born. And I am sure that this love will continue to grow.

Having a baby - what a great way God teaches us about love!

Yee Sum's nick names

2007-10-23T12:15:00.000+08:00

Apart from calling her "Yee Sum Baby" or "Yee Sum BB", some variations have evolved in the past 2 months and they become Yee Sum's first few nick names:

Yee Sum Ball Ball - it's because when she was born, her head was really round - just like a ball!

Yee Sum Boy Boy - called by her father. I guess it may be a slip of tongue. As per Sigmund Freud, it's very likely that Wesley really wants a son subconsciously. We have been laughing about it ever since.

Yee Sum Ball Boy - again by her father. Just another way to show how much he craves for a boy!!

To Yee Sum: when you are able to read this in future, please note that it's a joke only! We love you so much as our baby girl, and we are never "boy crazy". :)

我知誰掌管前途

2007-10-22T09:41:00.000+08:00

I try not to be worried. But still, I'm a bit worried as Yee Sum still hasn't got her poo poo yet. And this song, coming back from ages ago, has been ringing in my ears in the past few days. Thank Jesus, and thank Wesley, too, for comforting my heart.

我知誰掌管前途，我知祂握著我手；
在神萬事非偶然，都是祂計劃萬有。
故我面臨的遭遇，不論大小的難處，
我信靠行奇事的神，一切交託主。

Worry

2007-10-22T08:34:00.000+08:00

I am now "enjoying" the worry of a mother.

Yee Sum has not got a poo in the past 7 days - details can be found from Wesley's post (in Chinese).

After the checking & medicine given by my sister and brother-in-law plus the additional check-up and X-ray at PW hospital, baby still hasn't yet had a poo by herself till now. And we will go back to the hospital again this afternoon so doctor can check on her again.

And I am now "enjoying" the worry for Yee Sum.

It's a very new emotion for me. On one hand I tell myself I need not worry as I am so sure that Jesus loves Yee Sum more than I do, and He'll just watch over her and take care of all things. So actually I am not too worried.

But on the other side, my heart keeps having this little ache as I look at her, play with her, massage her tummy, change her diaper, look for any sign of her poo poo... I just hope so much that she'll be healthy. I just hope so much that she won't feel any pain or hurt. I just hope so much that she can get well. The feeling is so strong and dear to my heart. It is so new to me. I am learning about it, savouring it, and contemplating it.

I guess, it's motherly love at its bud.

(P.S. And as I am worrying and not too worrying, I still wanna give thanks to God. Love is such a deep matter. And now I learn one more aspect of it. Praise our Lord.)