Self Motivation

Dear Sum Sum, Dear Lok Lok,

Mama just finished reading a book about cultivating self motivation in kids. It was quite insightful.

Something I already know: the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and the much more powerful nature of the former one. What's useful is of course the 'how' to shift non-motivated subject to extrinsic motivated then becoming intrinsic motivated. The 'trap' technique mentioned is quite interesting: i.e. to use reward as 'trap' to motivate a person at the start, but let the pleasure and joy of the activity to become the intrinsic motivation in the process. It's easier said than done but is a very good reminder.

But what's most interesting and new to me is the adverse effect of using reward as motivation! The story used to illustrate this was an old gentleman, he was bothered by the noisy kids playing loud music near his house. So he went out and told them how the kids had brought joy and livelihood to a lonely man like him by playing music near his house, so he would like to thank them with some money. He did this for 3 days. On day 4, he told them he could not afford it any more. So the kids said we would not then entertain him for free. So they left his house.

It is so true! For things that we are already interested in, the offer of reward will actually reduce the motivation by turning it from intrinsic to extrinsic, as a result weakening it, even to an extend to demotivate people if the reward is considered not enough.

It is a very important reminder for me NOT to use reward for something that you already enjoy doing, that already has a strong intrinsic motivation to you.

Again Auntie Bubu shared some great wisdom in her books about this. She never rewarded her girls to do housework nor getting homework done nor getting good exam result. She just asked her girls,

'Does papa work hard at work and for the family?' 'Yes.' 'Does mama work hard at work and for the family?' 'Yes.' 'Does papa or mama get reward for that?' 'No.' 'So it is the same for you, too. To do homework or housework or doing your best at the exams is your duty, just like papa and mama. We are all doing our part to be a responsible person and it's a good thing and the right thing to do.'

Mama needs to pray for the wisdom to guide you the right way too.

Love,
Mama