Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Post-Agape Conference 2006 & Sui's sharing

Last week Wesley and I and many others went to Kaohsiung of Taiwan to join the Agape Conference 2006. Praise our Lord for some good healing, some key messages, some important take-aways - but I'm not going to talk about them here. What I wanna talk about is what happened after the conference, after we got back, in the past few days.

In the past few days, I have experienced a new level of craving for our Lord that I have never experienced before. Always, always, I wanna stay in the presence of our Lord. It seems just never enough for the short period of time which I can concentrate on Him each morning. In my mind I know the work I do is for Him and is His ministry - but still, I would rather just look up to my Lord, and just sit there and focus on Him.

I have never experienced this before. I guess, there is something to do with the Agape Conference, for I was immersed in His presence totally in those few days. And how I missed such good time! So now I just wanna be back with Him, still.

Apart from the fact that I am hungry for His love and presence, I have also prayed to our Lord for me to experience Him even more, more of Himself, more of His anointing.

I still remember how I picked the first workshop to go to during the Agape Conference - I had that craving in my heart even then, for more of our Lord. So finally I went to join Pastor Suen's session on "Being Filled by Holy Spirit". I know I'm not looking for the external physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit, but I really, really want more of our Lord, want to experience Him more, that can come with physical response though.

And I want more of His anointing, too. Yes I want more of His anointing. I wanna experience Him more. I wanna receive His power so I can also do more for Him. And I wanna please Him. And by so doing I know I gonna love Him even more, and experience His love even more.

And so I dream on. And deep down from my heart, I know I wanna do great things for Him. Big things. It's always in my heart to do more for Him. More.

I'm always conscious that it should not be the physical manifestation that we are going after, nor it should be the ministry or work that we do for our Lord that should give us satisfaction. But even with this consciousness, somehow, this urge is in my heart so that one day, may be, I can be used by our Lord to influence many. Like one of these many speakers that we heard from during the conference.

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During the conference, one of the key message for me, personally, is the message about breaking down the wall between two generations. As Wesley shared in his blog, we can't hide away from it any longer. We can't pretend that we have nothing to do with it any more.

I have never thought about it, but as Wesley shared in his blog, even my growing up was a lonely journey. Quite an orphan journey. I have never thought this way before as you know, I have very loving parents and I also grow up with quite some good friends. I have never thought that spiritually, really, I have never truly experienced that connection between 2 generations. It may be the reason why unconsciously, even since I was still young, I would like to play with people older than myself but have never been enthusiastic about making friends with people younger than myself - I don't know how to communicate with them. I don't wanna learn about the different culture in their generation. Basically I'm not that interested in their world. And didn't feel the need that I should be.

But now, after this conference, I know though I don't feel like it, God has spoken to me and that I need to do something about it. What? I don't know yet. But I do know that I need to take this message back and to start with, to share with the group of kids in Vision first.

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I shared this "youth" message with sui when we went to class together just this Monday. He said he was moved, by the message that how God has chosen this young generation (people under 30) .

As I got on the bus I received this SMS from sui:
I believe wes & u will join Culture V someday. May HIS will be done!
I was speechless when I got his SMS, and I didn't know how to respond. So I did not respond at all.

Actually it's not the first time sui "hinted" on this, just that this time he shared this message more directly.

Why did I not respond - simple, because I don't wanna say yes, but dare not say no.

I think there're a few things to it - how I didn't feel like to do youth work as mentioned above. But also, though consciously I dare not touch on this but I think it does affect me, is the financial insecurity if to join Culture V. And of course, also the question of what I'm to do there and that I have not heard about it directly from the Lord yet.

But this is the first time, the first time I seriously start thinking about it - thinking about why I have been avoiding this thought previously. Praise our Lord. I know He is continuing His good work in my life and continue renewing me.

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And sui called me again today for some other stuff. Then I mentioned about the SMS and why I didn't reply. Sui didn't push further but rather shared another message:

No I won't push you two on it. God has His timing. I just wanna tell you - when you look at those speakers, they're so great on stage, doing great things for God. You don't need to admire them - because things like that are already happening around you! Once Wesley and you 'jump in' and get started you would have even greater things to share.
I was shocked. I knew immediately, God was speaking to me.

Isn't it the prayer I have been making to God in the past few days? That I wanna do great things for Him? That how I admired the other speakers, for their lives are so used by our Lord. That how I wanna be like them and be immersed in our Lord all the time and just to do His work. Oh how I miss our Lord.

And now, tonight, I think it's a promise and a revelation from the Lord to us. US. Wesley and I.

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I still don't know what it's like going forward. I still don't know exactly how I can turn my heart to the young generation so I can help path the way for them or prepare for them to do God's work. I also don't know if Wesley and I will join Culture V some time. All of these are still unknown.

I just know that, I want more and more and more Jesus in my life. NOW. Before I get enough of Him to know where He wants me to go or do, I'll continue to look - to look for HIM, directly.

Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.